Counting Stars
by luxfling
Summary: The Marauders visit Remus' home for the holidays. They meet his family-the good and bad. Christmas fever hits Sirius hard and wants to show his true feelings but finding it a bit difficult.. SxR
1. November 25: Here’s Your Letter

Disclaimer: I don't own the Marauders…tear…

A/N- Some revising has been done. I have to thank Luna Mimichang for her wonderful translations! All the French is credited to Luna since I don't know more than three words in French. This is somewhat AU.

November 25—Here's Your Letter

_**Dear Sirius,**_

_**It would be our greatest pleasure if you could come to France over the Christmas break. Remus has told so much about you, we already feel we know you. Being one of his friends and someone he truly trusts, you must be good at heart. Ask your parents and get back to us as soon as possible.**_

_**Sincerely,**_

_**Desiree, Joseph, and Renee Lupin**_

Remus stared at the piece of paper horrorstruck. "How?...But...No!"

"But yes, and I'm coming whether my dumb-ass parents say so or not," said Sirius snatching back the letter and treading over to his desk. Remus followed him over and watched him take out a piece of parchment and start to write.

Remus slammed his hand on the paper; ink spilling everywhere. "You can't... I mean, it's not you, it's—"

"Remus, I don't care where or what you live in. It can't be as horrible as my house." Sirius responded while cleaning up the ink and started to write again.

"I don't know about that..." Remus picked up Sirius' quill, despite the protest. "It's not like I don't...well, I mean... Look, the whole family will be there. The whole /French/ family. Not to mention a lot of muggles. You'll be so out of place. I'm trying to save you from embarrassment and confusion."

"I guess you should start teaching me French, Professor Moony." Sirius snatched the quill from his hands and looked at it thoughtfully. "What's French for feather?"

"You've got to be kidding me." Remus trudged to the door and almost was smacked when James appeared with a grin, Peter at his heels.

When James saw Remus he burst into babble, "I can't believe it, Remus! A full two weeks without my parents lovey dovey Christmas days! And all the new people, the culture, the scenery, the sites! I want to see the Eiffel Tower. Can we see the Eiffel Tower? Oh, but I don't know a lot of French... I guess you'll teach me right?" Remus and Sirius both stared open-mouthed at James.

Peter encrypted James explosion, "He's talking about the letter from your parents about going to France for the Christmas vacation."

"All that gibberish was just for that? Are you even going?" Sirius asked.

"Of course I'm going!" James held up his letter, which Remus snagged swiftly.

"Alright!" Sirius exclaimed punching James in the shoulder. "This is going to be the best Christmas ever! All the things we get to see—"

"New culture..."

"New customs..."

"New language..."

"New language... Wait, we don't know the language."

"Moony'll teach us." Their voices faded as they headed downstairs to the common room.

"This really can't be happening." Remus muttered, knocking his head on the wall. "It's one thing with Sirius, but James too!"

"It's not so bad. It'll probably be a lot of fun." Peter pulled Remus from the wall in fear of bashing his head in. Remus stared at Peter with a troubled expression.

"Uh, did you get a letter?"

In answer to his question, Peter pulled out a folded piece of parchment from his back pocket and handed it to him. "I really want to go, but I can't because my family is going to Denmark to visit my grandmother and there is no way they'll let me get out of it. They don't want to do it and neither do I, but they'll take me down with them."

"Shame," Remus said turning back to the wall.

After he thought his head was beat in, Remus went into the red and gold common room. Sirius was humming a Christmas song while staring at a small book and James was writing fervently-probably the letter to his parents about France.

"You misspelled 'por favor.'" Sirius commented, pausing his humming. "There's no 'e' on 'por.' And just for your information, if you're trying to impress your parents by using French, I would suggest using French."

James glanced at his letter, a crease forming between his eyebrows. "'Por favor' isn't French?" Remus snorted and opened his mouth to make a comeback but Sirius spoke up before he could.

"S'il vous plait, you dimwit."

"How the hell would you know?" Remus questioned curiously. He though Sirius had a hard enough time with English. Sirius grinned toothily and held up a book, 'Learn French in 10 Days.' "You expect to learn French in ten days?" Remus asked skeptically as he grabbed the book from him. He scanned the first page. "How about... How are you?"

"I'm good. You?" Remus chucked the book at Sirius' head. "I was just joking! Comment allez-vous!" Sirius followed Remus to the couch in front of the blazing fire. Remus sat slouched over looking miserably into the fire. Sirius laid a hand on his shoulder. "Did I say it wrong or something?"

"It's not that, but you did say it wrong."

"So what is it that you're not telling us?" Remus said nothing. "Something's wrong otherwise you would-or should- be excited." Yet again, Remus didn't respond and showed no sign that he even heard Sirius. "Do you want me to play the guessing game?" Silence.

"Alright, you just nod your head when I'm close. You don't want us to go because... You don't want us to find out about your family being superheroes that have to save the world."

Remus looked momentarily at Sirius and growled deep in his throat. "You. Are. An. Idiot."

"Well, at least now I know you're listening to me." Sirius stated giving a lopsided grin. Remus just rolled his eyes. "You're ashamed of us." Sirius said solemnly.

Remus stared open-mouthed, open-eyed at Sirius, who looked quite serious about what he just said. "You can't possibly think that!" Remus proclaimed standing up and catching James' eye. "It has nothing to do with you. It's just—"He stopped himself short realizing what he was about to say.

"It's just what?" James asked appearing by Remus' side.

"Nothing," Remus mumbled. "Ce sera amusement. It'll be fun." Remus walked up the stairs to their dormitory.

"Odd."

"Very."

* * *

December 20 

The few weeks went by sickeningly fast, especially for Remus. Everyday Sirius and James would slip in, 'It's just what?' whenever it was least appropriate in hope they'd get an answer. Remus tried avoiding them at all costs but failed terribly due to the map.

Now the three of them had found themselves walking from the train station in France on a very busy road, even at night.

It was very late and they were clumsily walking along a dirt back road.

"How much longer, Moony?" Sirius whined. He slumped against Remus sleepily. "And why in the hell couldn't we get a ride or something? Shit, our trunks have it better than we do, they're already there!"

"Shut up Sirius," James said, "God knows you need the exercise."

"Are you calling me fat!"

"For a quidditch player, yes."

"Why you son of a b—"

"Sirius!" Remus broke off, "If you ever say anything with bad language, grammar, or innuendoes in front of my family – I swear I'll kill you. That goes for you, too, James."

James and Sirius exchanged baffled looks. Sirius put on a hurt expression, "To even think that I would do such a thing—"Sirius was hit in the arm forcefully.

"I mean it."

"Holy shit!" James had stopped dead in his tracks causing Sirius to tumble over him.

"What the fuck, James?"

"What did I just say?" Remus shouted. James just pointed in the direction they were headed. An enormous white house- a mansion- spread across several acres in front of them.

"Whoa." Sirius said simply.

"Would you two cut the crap. I'm tired and would like to go to bed as soon as possible." Remus called from his several strides ahead of them. Sirius and James ran to catch up and the three of them found themselves racing toward the door, fatigue forgotten for now.

Before they even reached the doors a woman with long blonde hair opened the immense oak doors for them and started rambling in French to Remus, "Vous êtes à la maison! C'était tellement long! Coment allez-vous? Ce sont ces deux-là? Comment était le voyage?" _(You are home! It's been so long. How have you been? Are these the two? How was the trip?)_ She pinched his cheeks, kissed him, and gave him a giant bear hug. When she saw Sirius and James she walked over to them and gave them air kisses and ushered them inside.

"Holy s—"Remus stamped his foot hard on Sirius- who abruptly stopped what he intended to say.

It was a beautiful home. A giant staircase led upstairs in two different directions with intricate carved railings. A massive glass chandelier hung above their heads. Several rooms branched off—one of with they were escorted into.

About twenty people were in the room already, all interested in a baby. The woman who greeted them said something and everyone looked at the newcomers excitedly.

It was Remus' turn to speak and he said it quite rapidly. A man with familiar light brown hair answered him back and motioned for them to sit down.

James and Sirius now realized that the French Remus had been forced to teach them seemed to be beyond recollection. Remus was right about how they wouldn't feel as if they would fit in and they felt so awkward not knowing the language, but even more awkward when everyone was staring at them as if they had never seen someone British.

While Sirius and James took their place on a soft white couch, it was apparent Remus was introducing them, because after he was done people started coming up, shaking hands-- even a few air kisses which caught Sirius off guard—and then they introduced themselves, unfortunately for Sirius and James, in French. But they did manage to catch names, or what they hopefully thought were names.

The woman who greeted them at the door was Remus' aunt, Sophie. Her husband, Pierre, a tall, thin, handsome man even in his older age was chatting jubilantly with her.

The man that had Remus' hair was indeed his father, Joseph. His mother, Desiree, clung to his side. Remus looked more like his mother but when they saw his sister, Renee, James and Sirius agreed that they looked like identical twins- besides Remus' golden eyes and her brown and other menial details. The baby, Jules, which had everyone's attention when they entered, was now sleeping peacefully in Renee's arms.

Afterward there were so many people introducing themselves Sirius and James couldn't keep them straight. They could tell Remus was enjoying their discomfort by the broad smile that spread across his face.

After everyone was finished Sirius could only recall three names and James four. James turned to Sirius and whispered, "I feel like a two year old that doesn't understand anything but a couple of words." Apparently he said it loud enough for everyone to hear since they burst out in laughter.

"We're sorry," Remus' father said, "Remus said you knew some French and he told us not to use English unless necessary."

"Really," Sirius glared daggers at Remus, "As I recall, Remus, you said that we would never get French even when it hit us in the face. I also recall that it did hit us in the face several times, but I guess books don't transfer their information into your brain when they hit your head."

Remus' smile got larger. "I guess not. Scandalous that it doesn't, if it did you'd know history, transfiguration, and charms by heart."

"Too much useless information in those books." Sirius commented.

"It must be a lot of useless information then because that really hurt when they collided with my head." James rubbed his head subconsciously. "So everyone hear knows English?"

"Yes, James." Desiree said with a laugh. "I guess Remy just forgot to mention that you weren't fluent." She hugged Remus close after he flinched at the nickname that had nothing whatsoever to do with his name, his mother just liked the name.

"Sure, he 'forgot.'" Sirius made little quotation marks in the air to prove his point. Remus just yawned and waved his hand impatiently.

"Mama, look at them," Renee stated pointing a finger at the three boys, "they're obviously tired. They need to go to sleep and rest up for tomorrow."

"Of course," Desiree replied, "Montre-leur leurs chambres. Leurs vêtements et leurs bagages sont en haut. Dormez bien." _(Show them their rooms. Their clothes and trunks are already up there. Sleep well.)_ Remus nodded his head and gestured for James and Sirius to follow.

They treaded up the staircase they first saw. Remus led them down a long hallway silently. On the walls were pictures of ancestors and some immediate family. Sirius stopped instantly when he saw one picture.

"This you?" He asked Remus pointing to a picture of a young boy smiling happily. Remus didn't even turn around when he answered, "No."

"You didn't even look."

James was now looking at the picture intently. "You sure? Looks like you. It's not when you were ten or something?"

Remus turned around with an irritated expression. "I think I would know if it was me or not. And I guarantee if it was me I would not be smiling." With that he turned and began to walk again. With one last glance they followed him.

"Why wouldn't you be smiling?" Sirius asked eyes trailing the new photos.

"Why do you think?"

"The werewolf thing?" Sirius guessed.

"Duh."

"Well, if it's not you," Sirius said, getting an evil glare thrown back at him, "Then who is it?" That made Remus stop, twirl around, and give Sirius the I'm-gonna-kill-you-if-you-don't-shut-up look.

"Why do you care? Just drop it." Remus opened the door at the far end. More calmly he said, "This is your room," Sirius and James exchanged worried expressions, "There are two beds." Their faces smoothed happy with the newly discovered arrangement.

Still a little bit bothered by the picture, Sirius couldn't quite take in his new surroundings. The size and expense of the room, on the other hand, bewildered James. "This is bigger than my room at home! Hell, it's even bigger than our dorm at Hogwarts!" James continued muttering praises under his breath. Remus leaned against the doorframe with a jaded exposition. Sirius couldn't quite figure out if his expression was due to James, the picture, lack of sleep, or something else entirely. Deciding it best to leave it alone, Sirius flopped down on a feathery bed and closed his eyes. When he reopened them, James' face was ten centimeters from his. Sirius jumped back and hit his head on the backboard.

"What the hell!" James just laughed and threw a blue velvet pillow at him.

"Something on your mind, Padfoot?" Of course something was on his mind—it was the only reason he was ever quiet.

Sirius looked around and found that Remus had left. "Where'd he go?"

"To sleep in his room, which is right across the hall—if you didn't hear him." James added the last part when Sirius gave him an equivocal look. "What's bothering you? If it's the picture—"

"It's not that. Remus has been acting strange all day. Not only that but why did he never tell us about this?" Sirius waved his hand at the room, "I don't know about you but I pictured something a little lower class."

"I did too," James admitted, "But all it has to show for is how well we _don't _know Remus."

"No, James, he never told us. Hell, we didn't even know he had a sister until three months ago! What does he not know about us? We've told him everything. At least I have."

"Me too. Remus is just a secretive person. He learned to be that way with his condition. And he also doesn't like a lot of extra attention or being in the spotlight. He's too self-conscious. Really, Sirius, if he told us he was this wealthy, what would we have done?"

"Think of him as more superior?" That wasn't what Sirius really thought but he didn't feel like sharing that he would have used Remus to get him to pay for things. "It's beside the point. The point is he can tell us anything—we've proven our worth from keeping his 'once-a-month' secret." Sirius now realized how tired he truly was. He wanted to keep the conversation going, but it was going nowhere right now and draining the rest of his energy. He closed his eyes and barely heard James say, "He has more secrets than we'll ever know."

Sirius couldn't agree more.


	2. December 21: A Whole New World

December 21--- A Whole New World

That night all three of them slept soundly... right until a loud banging sounded at their doors.

Sirius mumbled incoherently as he groggily pulled back his sheets. So far the pounding never ceased and obviously wasn't intending to end. James peered at him; his bed sheets wrapped tightly around him.

"Nice wake up call." James muttered rubbing the sleep from his eyes and putting on his glasses. At that moment the two of them heard Remus' voice yelling madly at the person pounding on the doors. The only time they heard Remus flip back to French from English when he was really enraged.

"Philip! Qu'est-ce que tu fais? Tu es fou? Pourquoi tu pleures! Don't give me that face!Tuas été grossier avec les invités! What the fuck?" _(What are you doing? Are you crazy? Why are you crying! You are being rude to the guests!) _

"And he talks about me not swearing in front of the family." Sirius expressed while a small voice was talking back to Remus.

"Yeah, well," James answered. A door slammed. "You know what he's like in the mornings."

Sirius wrinkled up his face recalling the memories of him waking Remus up. "Unfortunately, I do. Nearly tore my head off. But still, it's a little kid." He opened the door to find a young boy about ten years of age and he didn't look like he was fazed at all by Remus' outburst.

"Uh, hi there. What's your name?" They boy looked at Sirius as if he had four arms. "Oh, don't know English?" No answer. "Comment t'appelles-tu?"

"Je m'appelle Philip." He answered shyly.

"Enchante de faire ta connaissance." James appeared by Sirius' side.

"You've been practicing." James commented. "Me too. Bonjour, Philip. Comment vas-tu?"

"Très bien, merci." The boy smiled, waved goodbye, and shot down the hallway like he was running for his life.

"Good going James. You scared the poor kid with your face!"

"Why would he be smiling then?"

"He's very disturbed."

"He is disturbed. He knows English by the way." Sirius and James turned their heads and saw Remus standing there fully dressed in very expensive- looking robes. A gold chain clinked around his neck when he moved in front of them. "What are you two gawking at?"

Sirius whistled appreciatively, "Why don't you ever wear that at Hogwarts and show your pride. Rub it in the Slytherins' faces."

Remus waved him off, "I'd never /_choose_/ to wear this. Charlotte is making me wear it."

"And Charlotte is...?"

"My aunt."

"I though you're aunt's name was Sophie."

"Yes, Sirius, but people can have more than one aunt. I have three: Charlotte, Sophie, and Cecile. All muggles and all clingy."

"Okay, I must've missed that somehow."

"Didn't you listen when they were introducing themselves?"

Sirius frowned, "Of course I did. It's just they never said 'I'm Remus' aunt,' 'I'm Remus' uncle,' 'I'm Remus' cousin,' 'I'm Remus'---"

"Okay, Sirius, I get it." Remus interrupted. "You two had better get dressed." He added after realizing they were still in pajamas and untidy hair.

"What do we wear?" James asked pointing at Remus' robes. He added, "I don't have anything like that."

"Oh," Remus retreated back into his room. When he returned his hands were burdened with black and blue fabrics. "Charlotte must've had an inkling that you didn't so she brought these." He handed the dark blue one to Sirius and the black one to James and pushed them into their room.

"What if—"James was cut off by the door slamming in his face, "—it doesn't fit?" he finished whispering to himself.

"Come on Prongs," Sirius said while trying to pull on the garments, "Use those magic skills of yours." The robes fell into place gracefully. "Fits me perfectly."

"Well good for you. You get a star for dressing yourself." James pretended to put a sticker on Sirius' shoulder.

"And you get an F for common sense." Sirius used his finger and drew an invisible F on James' forehead. James gave a pathetic growl. "Oh, I'm trembling in fear!" Sirius laughed, "Leave that to Moony, he can do it much better than you can." Sirius gave a 'test' growl. "Dogs and wolves can growl better than deer. Who woulda thunk it?" James slapped him upside the head and retreated back to his bed, where he started putting on his outfit. Sirius smirked, "Idiot." He knew James heard it because of the head popping up and then shaking in disbelief. Sirius contented himself by fixing his hair. While doing so, he heard James muttering like a madman like he always does when attempting to fix his hair.

"Quit smiling, Padfoot." James uttered without even seeing Sirius. Sirius moved in his line of view so that his reflection shown by James'.

"You wish you had my hair." Sirius commented, while he looked at James' uncontrollable flyaway hair to his own perfectly styled. James muttered insults continually at Sirius.

While Sirius was enjoy the fight over the incorrigible, damned to hell hair James was putting on there was a polite knock at the door-quite different from the one they woke up to. James chucked the brush across the room saying something along the lines of, 'stupid-never straight- mother effing hair.'

Sirius opened the door and saw a beautiful woman with long, blonde hair, astonishing green eyes and a red dress wrapping around a perfect figure.

"Uh, hi." Sirius managed, stopping his wandering eyes to look into her emerald.

"Hello." She returned politely. She gave him a kiss on each cheek and did the same to James when he emerged. "Good morning. I'm Marie, Remus' cousin."

"Nice to meet you, Marie. I'm James and this is Sirius."

"Pleasure's all mine. It's about time Remus brought someone to France. Poor thing always looks so lonely when he comes home." A frown formed on her ravishing face.

"He's that miserable without us?" Sirius meant it as a joke but she obviously didn't realize it.

"Miserable? Beyond misery, more like disconsolate."

"That bad?" Sirius had no idea what disconsolate meant but he figured it was worse. Here was this French lady who knew more English than he did and he started off with English in the first place.

"It's obvious he'd rather spend Christmas at Hogwarts with all his friends, but his mother and father won't let him; says that he never is home anymore. Which is true is suppose, but they're doing it for their benefit, not his." She smiled once more. "Let's not talk about the past. What matters is now, and now you have to go downstairs for breakfast. Follow me." She walked down the hallway with Sirius and James tagging along. Sirius' eyes followed the portraits until he found the one he was looking for.

"Marie," Sirius said. She turned around and looked at where his finger was pointing. "Who's that?"

Marie laughed, "Can't you tell? It's Remus of course!" She continued chuckling as she made her way to the stairs."

"Remus said it wasn't him." James countered.

Marie stopped abruptly causing Sirius to run into the back of her and almost send them tumbling down the stairs. "He did?" She looked alarmed.

"Yes," Sirius straightened himself up and helped Marie do the same. Marie looked a little flustered at first but she soon was showing a brilliant smile.

"Of course it's Remus. Who else do you know looks like that?" She gave a quiet laugh but when she turned around her face turned distressed. They followed her the rest of the way taking in their surroundings, memorizing them. The three of them entered a fairly large room, as to be expected, and found Remus, his parents, and his sister and family seated already at the large oak table. Remus seemed to be quarrelling with his mother and neither even acknowledged their presence.

"Je ne veux pas!"

"Je ne m'inquiète pas, tu le fais!"

"No." Remus crossed his arms with a set face. Desiree threw her hands up in exasperation.

"Qu'est-ce que je vais faire avec toi?"

"Me tué?" He said quietly, his mother didn't hear him but his father let out a roar of rage.

"Comment diable peux-tu dire ça! Nous vous avons apporté du soutient et tu pense toujours qu'on va te blesser! Nous t'aimons!" Joseph stood up and stomped off out the door, Desiree following at his heels. Renee looked at him as if he were crazy.

"What the hell do you think you're doing!" Renee got up from her seat and stood right in front of Remus. "It's Christmastime! You'd think you'd have a little more compassion! Mama and Papa are trying to make life go a little easier, but you always fuck things up!" She slapped him hard across his face, leaving a red imprint and tears in her eyes. "Enfoiré." She grabbed her baby and her husband's arm and practically ran out of the room. Sirius and James stood shocked until Remus shot daggers at them.

"You sure know how to upset people." Marie said taking Renee's empty seat.

"What can I say? It's a gift." Remus didn't look like he was kidding. James sat down by Marie, while Sirius remained standing – not believing what he just saw. Remus rubbed his cheek. "Aren't you going to sit Sirius or haven't you ever heard people fight?" Sirius gingerly took a seat by James. A lady with an apron brought out three plates of food and set them down in front of James, Marie, and Sirius. She disappeared as quickly as she came. Sirius was really getting paranoid now; he could feel Remus' stare pounding into him as if saying 'I dare you to eat, especially after what just happened.' Even though Sirius knew that was ridiculous he couldn't help but feel a little apprehensive. James' obviously was thinking along the same lines since he didn't pick up his fork either. Marie on the other hand was merrily eating her pancakes.

When she saw James and Sirius deliberately not looking at Remus or their food she slammed her fork down with a clank. "I can't take this." She glared at Remus. "You need to calm down more around your parents. You take their weaknesses and use it to your advantage. You know they hate it when you put yourself down, even when you're joking." She sighed heavily. "Why can't you just accept that they care?" She got up and left.

"Some first day, no?" Remus looked at Sirius and then James with a half- hearted smile.

"Not over yet," Sirius said.

"No, but pray that it will end soon." Remus looked out the sun-blazed window, his head resting on his palm. "Eat." Sirius and James complied, bulldozing through the pancakes, eggs, and sausage.

"Fis is weewy goo." Sirius attempted saying.

"Whatever."

"Who makes it?" James asked.

"Makes what?" Remus' gaze traveled from the window to James' chocolate eyes.

"The food."

"Oh. The maid."

"You have a maid?"

"Several."

"How many?"

"I don't keep track."

"Estimate."

"Twenty."

"TWENTY?"

"More or less."

"It's still twenty –more or less- then me."

"And me," Sirius chimed in.

"Like I give a shit that I have maids and stuff."

"You know Remus," Sirius pointed a finger at Remus for effect, "You made us promise not to cuss, but here you're the one doing all the swearing."

"When you point a finger, three are pointing right back at you."

"What?"

"Nevermind."


	3. December 21 ½ : Then the Morning Comes

December 21 ½, --- Then the Morning Comes

* * *

The day went by rather slowly. Remus kept avoiding his parents and sister and took Sirius and James through many unnecessary hallways to do so. They spent the day memorizing the whole house, and even on the fifth time through Sirius and James couldn't possibly remember everything. There's three floors, the second is their room; the first is where the kitchen and dining room are; the third is just a bunch of rooms for other guests that will be coming soon.  
  
Sirius and James met two of Remus' cousins, Marc and Joel. They were both very handsome; brown eyes, auburn hair, and a fit physique and it showed that they were clearly brothers. James' saw the weird similarity between Sirius and Marc; how they were very outspoken and hyper.  
  
It was ten o'clock already and they were lounging around in Marc's bedroom. Joel had gotten bottles of liquor and was emptying them rapidly. Several amounts went to the fifteen-year-olds as well. Marie had joined them early on and was more than drunk with her two drinks.  
  
"Anyways, he told me... he told me to...to do something..." She hiccuped. "What was I saying?"  
  
"Who cares," Marc replied taking a big swig from his firewhiskey. He turned to Sirius who he was most fond of. "What your family like?"  
  
"Evil," responded Sirius. "I hate them."  
  
"Well, that's nice. Remus' hates his too."  
  
That was another trait Sirius and Marc had in common; can't keep their mouths shut.  
  
Remus glowered at Marc and hit him over the head with a pillow. "I never said I hated them."  
  
"Yeah, but you think it." Marc swayed a bit on the bed. Joel saw Remus' fury boiling to the point of its brink.  
  
"Let's not talk about that," Joel said hurriedly. Remus looked relieved at the interruption. "Anyone have any good stories?"  
  
"Oh," Sirius waved his hand, "I was kidnapped once."  
  
"No you weren't." Remus retorted.  
  
"Yes I was. If I say I was, I was. Like that damned picture. If you say it isn't you, it isn't you."  
  
"What picture?" Joel asked.  
  
"The one in the hallway."  
  
"What hallway."  
  
"Second floor, near our room."  
  
"East or west?"  
  
"I dunno." Sirius pointed in a direction. "Whatever that is."  
  
"North."  
  
"Well, la-ti-da. When you go up the stairs it's on the left."  
  
"I didn't know there were any pictures of you in that hallway."  
  
"There isn't." Remus replied taking a bottle and draining it along with his frustration.  
  
"Well, then what's the problem?" Marc asked.  
  
"She," James pointed at Marie, "told us that it /was/ Remus." Marie turned a shade of crimson.  
  
"Why would you say that?" Joel asked.  
  
"Because it is." She whispered.  
  
"No it's not! Why does everyone think that? You of all people—"Marie silenced Remus with her hand.  
  
"I know. Just forget about the damned picture." Remus nodded and grabbed another bottle.

* * *

Eleven o'clock and drunk off their asses. Sirius was telling his 'kidnapping' story, which just turned out that his mother blindfolded him and had taken him to the park for a surprise.  
  
"That was stupid." James commented.  
  
"I thought it was funny." Marc laughed.  
  
"Of course you would, it's right up your alley."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"It means you and him are exactly alike. I wouldn't be surprised if you both liked pranking and spend all your time doing it."  
  
"I do." Sirius said.  
  
"I know Sirius. I do it with you." James stated.  
  
"I used to." Marc said.  
  
"I rest my case."  
  
"Someone needs to tell a better story." Marie yawned. "Otherwise I will fall asleep."  
  
"A lamp tried to eat me." Marc said very seriously.  
  
"I'm sure it did..." His brother rolled his eyes.  
  
"IT DID! It had teeth and everything!"  
  
"And when did this happen?"  
  
"Couple of minutes ago."  
  
Joel rolled his eyes again. "We were with you a couple of minutes ago, and I assure you that no lamp tried to eat you. You're an idiot, you know that?"  
  
"I don't know, but I know."  
  
"That made no sense."  
  
"Can someone else tell a good story?" Marie asked interrupting the brothers' fight.  
  
"I have one!" Sirius exclaimed.  
  
"Not you."  
  
"But it's good. I made it up a long time ago...well four months ago."  
  
They all looked at him skeptically. "Yeah, right. Like you would even think about writing something extra on your free time." Remus noted.  
  
"I did. It's called Starlight Blues."  
  
"You even gave it a title?" James asked dumbfounded.  
  
"Do you want me to tell it or not?"  
  
"Yes." They all said in unison.  
  
"Okay." Sirius made a scene of clearing his throat. "Staring into the night you can't help looking at the brightest stars. Your eyes are magnetically drawn to such stars as Vega and Beetlejuice. The brightest star is the blue giant, the dog-star if you will, Sirius."  
  
"I knew it."  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"Anyways... For it is the brightest, but is unseen by my eyes. Sirius is my home, stature, and name. I'm the Prince of the Stars, child of Vega and Mars. I was to lead the universe under only two others—"  
  
"Mommy and Daddy?"  
  
"—the Sun god, Solstice, and the Prince of the Moon, Reule."  
  
"Someone studied French names." Joel howled.  
  
"Living a life of wealth, fame, and worship, but above anything else seclusion. Until the day I ventured to Earth in search for friendship, and only to discover my true self and not the life I was forced to be...."

* * *

"If you want to know what a man's like, look at the way he treats his inferiors, not his equals."  
  
"Sure, that's what you say now, until people look at you that way and you change your story completely." It's frustrating talking to my brother. It's like talking to a rock; won't budge or waver.  
  
"Sirius, if you want to make 'friends' as you call it, you have to make up your own rules, not our father's."  
  
"Right, Regulus, and that's why you're still Prince of...What exactly do you rule?"  
  
"Regimene."  
  
"Which isn't even named after you. And who said I ever followed Father's rules? You know I'm a rule breaker." If it was one thing everyone knew about me was my spontaneity, which is not 'prince' material.  
  
"Yeah and Father said if you stepped over the line one more time—"  
  
"'You're not fit to be king.' I know, and frankly I don't care. I'm going to Earth, end of story."  
  
"Nothing could stop the pleasure within when I left the dogstar for the first time. Seeing stars and planets closer was amazing. One thing that caught my eye more than others-Earth's moon, brilliantly golden, showing off all its prominence.  
  
The prince was described just like the moon, glittery aureate eyes and hair, mysterious as the dark side of the moon, and a heart of gold. Whether this is true, I don't know, but I'll find out.  
  
Deciding to reroute my journey, I took a detour to the moon. At first it seemed small, but when I landed it was the kingdom that pulled the land together. The castle's tower beamed toward the sky, seemingly made of silver, quite a contrast to the rest of the gold castle. Several people were at the entrance conversing, a young man in the middle. Being curious I hid behind the wall and listened in.  
  
"Why don't you listen to me? You never listen!" The young man was saying. "It's not fair, I don't want this!" He stormed off, unfortunately in my direction. Looking for a spot to hide I started running to a secluded spot. I failed to see the man in front of me and topple into him, sending us both to the ground. Stumbling backward I saw that he was the prince of the moon. _/What a great first impression./ _All the stories I've heard about him were true. The golden eyes and light brown hair that almost looked as if strands of silver were woven in.  
  
He was draped in golden robes, with diamond studs outlining the borders making his eyes stand out more. He truly was an amazing creature. Though at the time I had no idea if he had a heart of gold, even though everything else of him was.  
  
He looked startled and uneasy-from the fall or my staring, I could not tell.  
  
Something unanticipated happened, he smiled and started laughing. At his unexpected outburst I couldn't help but join in. After the laughter brought awkwardness. I didn't know what to say. He was elite, authoritative, and more majestic shown through him than in I.  
  
"You're Sirius, aren't you?" He said throwing out the discomfort.  
  
"Uh, yeah. I mean yes, I am Sirius...You know me?" /What a dumb question./  
  
"Has anyone not heard of you?" Reule said standing up and straightening his garments.  
  
"Probably."  
  
"You're a legend. I bet everyone has heard of you." Reule extended his hand to help me up. Taking it gradually I noticed he was very cold and clammy. Not trying to sound odd I asked, "Are you alright? You seem a bit shaken up."  
  
He seemed to blush a bit when answering, "It's nothing. I'm not used to...It's just... No one's ever asked me this before..."  
  
"Really? What about you're family and friends?" He looked like I just offended him greatly.  
  
His eyes seemed to go darker when answering, "Family and friends? Don't make me laugh. My family is nothing but money loving riches thus making everyone hate them, including me. As if you didn't know that..." Reule started to walk away; I caught up to him and replied, "I knew no such thing. I was a deprived child. I knew nothing outside my star. All I knew about outside was the basics, that were all from books. So how was I supposed to know?" Reule stopped and looked at me.  
  
"I just assumed." He looked away quickly and back again. "I'm sorry. I guess you're not like everyone else, or perhaps you are. You have a good heart, Sirius. I have to be going now; maybe I'll see you again."  
  
I had to smile at that. "Of course you will. You can't get rid of me that easily. We're friends now." He seemed surprised, why was he surprised?  
  
He gave me a little smile and disappeared threw the gateway. Just before I turned back around he popped around the corner again.  
  
"Did anyone ever tell you that your eyes look exactly like your star?"  
  
"Uh, no." Reule gazed up to the sky; my eyes followed and saw he was looking at my home. "I suppose...." When I turned back around, he was gone. "Goodbye."  
  
There was something about him that lightened my spirits. As far as I could tell he was perfect. I'm glad I made a detour.  
  
"Be brave, young one, and all should come through safely."  
  
I was staring at a talking deer, which happened to be talking to a talking fairy. Earth is strange. The deer, or stag, was supposed to be the Forest God. And the fairy was the Goddess of Flowers.  
  
"Oh, Jamison, I could never be as brave as you." The little pixie said, floating up to the stag's face and hugging his ear. If stags could smile, I'm sure he'd be right now.  
  
The fairy gave a start when she saw me and little red sparks flew into the air. "Oh my! It can't be." She floated to me until she was perched on my nose. "My, you can't be....Sirius, the King of the Stars..." She said in awe. The stag was staring too, its mouth slightly open.  
  
"Actually, I'm not the king yet. Not that I care anyway. I don't even compare to---"  
  
"Moony." Jamison stated.  
  
"Moony?" _/I never heard that term before./  
_  
"Do I speak true? Moony, the Prince of the Moon and everything to do with it." Jamison answered.  
  
"I didn't know people called him Moony. It seems a little informal."  
  
"What do you mean?" the fairy asked, "You do not call him Moony?"  
  
"I thought his name was Reule."  
  
"Many people think Reule is the Prince of the Moon, and that's true. But in reality, the Prince rules the moon and everything that has to do with it, that's Moony."  
  
"Oh, so there are two?" The fairy and stag laughed. The pixie once again sent sparks into the air.  
  
"No silly," said the fairy, "they're the same person."  
  
"I don't get it. Why does he go by two names?"  
  
Jamison looked at me with disbelief. "Reule is something he is not. Reule was the ruler of the moon, and just the moon, until one day he became the moon."  
  
"What?"  
  
The fairy rolled her green eyes. "What do you know that has to do with the moon?"  
  
"Uh, behavior? Serenity? Crescents? Quarters?"  
  
"You don't know too much do you?" The fairy said flying so she was in front of me. She drew a flaming red circle into the air. "What's this?"  
  
"A circle."  
  
"NO! What does it have to do with the moon?"  
  
"Mmmm....A full moon?"  
  
"Maybe you're not as dumb as I thought." She drew another figure in the circle. "What's this?"  
  
"A dog."  
  
She slammed her hand into her face. "Please tell me you are joking. You of all people should be able to tell the difference between a dog and wolf."  
  
Realization finally hit me. It was so obvious...

* * *

"Hate to interrupt," Joel said, "But does Reule have to do with anyone in this room?"  
  
"No." Sirius replied not looking into Joel's eyes.  
  
"He sounds familiar." Joel glanced at Remus, who had fallen asleep some time ago.  
  
"No, made him up."  
  
"I don't think you did; along with Jamison as well." Joel glimpsed at the messy-haired boy.  
  
"Why would Jamison be about him?" He poked a finger at James and received a tongue stuck out at him.  
  
"Just saying, Reule sounds familiar with the golden eyes, hair, and heart."  
  
"That could be anyone."  
  
Joel turned to Marie for help, but she was silently snoozing beside Remus. He then turned to Marc, but he looked too intoxicated to even concentrate on anything except the empty space he was staring at. He turned very serious and looked at the two of them, "Do you know?"  
  
"Know what?" James asked naively. Joel tilted his head toward Remus. "What about him?" Joel leaned back on the bed and closed his eyes. "Aren't you going to finish what you were say—"A snore vibrated off the walls.  
  
"Ah, well. I think—"Sirius made himself comfortable on the floor, "—I'll go to sleep." He closed his eyes. James watched Sirius fall into a deep slumber before he let himself drift off. _/I wonder how the story would've ended..../_


	4. December 22:Christmas Is Going to the Do...

December 22---Christmas Is Going to the Dogs  
  
"UGGG! Too bright." Sirius mumbled shielded his eyes with his hand.  
  
"Who made the world brighter?!" A muffled voice came from the bed next to Sirius'. "Whoever the hell did it I want to kill, bring back to life, and kill them again. And then-"A hard thumping made it's way into the bathroom and a retching sound filled Sirius' ears.  
  
"Fantastic. Just fantastic," Sirius pulled the pillow over his ears and yelled, "You know, Jamie, you can't be sick today! We're going to Paris!"  
  
James replied loudly, "F-you!" Sirius threw his pillow to the end of his bed and made his way to the bathroom where he found James brushing his teeth harshly.  
  
"I think you won't have any gums left if you brush that hard." Sirius commented.  
  
James spit and said, "You like to irritate me don't you?"  
  
Sirius smiled wide. "Of course. It makes my life more fun."  
  
James snorted and walked out. "How is it that you aren't sick? You had more to drink than I did."  
  
"I can handle more than you can." Sirius followed James until James glared at him and told him to go away. Sirius stalked away in a huff and quickly changed into jeans and a sweatshirt and ran from the room.  
  
He sauntered down the hallway, cursing at the picture as he passed. He went all the way into the dining room and sat down roughly and soon realized how much his head hurt. Moaning, his head collided with the wood, worsening the throbbing behind his temples.  
  
"Hung over?" Sirius turned his head and saw a blurry figure of a man that he guessed was Marc's.  
  
"I suppose I am." Sirius let his eyes droop again and heard a scraping sound from a chair being pulled against the linoleum.  
  
"Ever had a hangover before?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Nasty aren't they?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Hungry?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"You're quite agreeable this morning." He laughed.  
  
"Yes." Sirius heard a small clank and soon the smell of food filled his nostrils. "Yay. Food." Sirius grabbed his fork and started to eat, ignoring Marc's troubled face.  
  
"You sure you should be eating?" Marc asked watching the younger boy shovel food into his mouth.  
  
"I know I'll regret it, but right now it's too good to stop."  
  
"Well, Alexandrie is the best cook around."  
  
"Agreed."  
  
"Hey, isn't Remus taking you out to the city today?" Marc asked.  
  
"If he's not sick. But if things are the same here as they are at school he'll be bedridden all day."  
  
Marc chuckled, "He's been drunk before?"  
  
Sirius looked at him with an evil grin. "James and I are little devils and turned lil' Remus into a demon as well."  
  
Marc howled with laughter. "No fucking way! Perfect little Remus? Drunk? Never! What else did the little devils do to my ideal cousin?"  
  
Sirius thought for a moment, tapping his fork against his chin. "Well..."  
  
"Well...?"  
  
"James mentioned last night, if you remember, that me and him like to prank a lot..."  
  
"I remember that...Are you telling me he's in on it too?"  
  
"Well, I'm the person who comes up with the prank. James is the one who says it's either stupid or awesome and helps make it better. But Remus is the one who makes everything possible. Like all the charms for turning hair different colors, making things disappear or reappear, and other hexes and spells. Then his potions as well make it easier..."  
  
Marc continued snorting with laughter. "So what you're saying he's sorta the brains behind it all."  
  
"Pretty much. So if we get caught we usually get off if he's with us."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"'Cause all the teachers love him. He does his homework, aces all his tests, and actually listens to the lectures and takes notes. No teacher would suspect him getting into that much trouble. And he is quite a good liar."  
  
"This is some news. Remus lies." Marc snickered as he thought of something else. He lowered his voice. "Has he ever...you know..."  
  
Sirius coughed on his orange juice. "Whaa? I...huh? Uh, I have no idea..."  
  
Marc studied Sirius for a while and came to a conclusion, "He has!"  
  
Sirius' eyes widened, "NO! I mean...Uh, I don't know, so he could or could not have..."  
  
"Remus isn't a boy anymooorre..." Marc said in a sing-song voice.  
  
"I never said—"  
  
"You're face said enough!" Marc smiled at Sirius' frightened expression. He whispered, "Who?"  
  
Sirius turned beat red, "Don't ask me these things. I don't know. Remus doesn't tell me everything and he never told me if he /_did_/ or /_didn't_/ or with he did or didn't do it with! I mean, he's only fifteen!"  
  
Marc looked crushed, "Darn." Marc got an evil glint in his eye. "Yes, fifteen....So Sirius, buddy, what have you been up to lately?"  
  
Sirius eyed him skeptically, "What is that supposed to mean exactly?"  
  
"It means, have you...you know..."  
  
"I'm sixteen."  
  
Marc raised his eyebrow. "Ah, yes. Sixteen. Sweet, sweet sixteen. In fact /_I_/ was sixteen..."  
  
"Would you drop it?!"  
  
"So have you ever done drugs?"  
  
"Oh my god. You can't be for real." Sirius attempted to leave but Marc pushed him back into his chair.  
  
"Answer all my questions, then you can leave Sirius." Marc smirked, his eyes burning with fire. "How 'bout it?" Sirius nodded. "Good. So back to the last question, have you done drugs... or even more important has Remus?"  
  
"What kind?" Sirius' voice was small, he wasn't quite sure if Marc was going to keep everything quiet, because he certainly didn't seem to last night.  
  
"Marijuana?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Ecstasy?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Psilocybin?"  
  
"Silly what?"  
  
"Cigarettes?"  
  
"Uh...maybe..."  
  
"You or him?"  
  
"Possibly both..." Sirius found particular interested in the muggle contraptions around the room.  
  
Marc chuckled, "And I don't have to ask about alcohol... But I do have one question about it," Sirius groaned and looked back at Marc, "How long?"  
  
"When was the first time?" Sirius clarified. "It was....umm, last year, I think..." Marc seemed to find that really funny. Sirius arched his eyebrows at the older teen. "That's really that funny?"  
  
"No...just that fact that his parents have no idea whatsoever of what Remus has been up to. I find that a little funny. Oh, if only his parents knew." Marc suddenly stopped laughing and stared to the door, Sirius' eyes followed and landed on a very ticked off mother.  
  
"If we knew that Remus was...what, Marc?" Desiree asked innocently.  
  
"That Remus was planning something very special and I shall not reveal anymore." Marc shot up and fled from the room.  
  
Desiree turned to Sirius. "Remus and James are looking for you. They're ready to go to Paris."

* * *

"So what's this place?" James asked running up a flight of stairs.  
  
"Notre Dame." Remus mumbled unenthusiastically. "James, don't run. And you Sirius, quit acting like a kid in a candy store."  
  
"Yes, Daddy." Sirius picked up a book and set it down only to be replaced by another. This pattern continued for several more moments.  
  
"Sirius interested in books, I wish I had a camera."  
  
"Some are in French." Sirius commented, opening up a book and showing it to Remus.  
  
"French people write books too Sirius. Just like the Spanish, Dutch, Swedish, German, Italian...do you need me to continue?"  
  
"Nope. I got it." Sirius put the book back on the shelf.  
  
"Do you want to go to the Bourdon?"  
  
"And that would be?" James asked.  
  
"The bell?"  
  
"Oh!" James grinned sheepishly, "Sure."

* * *

Sirius, James, and a very bored Remus sat in a fancy restaurant in the Bois de Boulogne. James and Sirius occupied themselves by trying to guess what the menu items were while Remus had to keep correcting them. After a while Remus realized it was just better to let them be and think what they want to think. He let them order what they thought sounded good but Remus knew that they wouldn't like it at all.  
  
While waiting for their food, Sirius asked, "Why are you so blah, today?"  
  
"I'm 'blah' because I'm bored."  
  
"BORED?! Feh! I don't know how you could be, Paris is awesome!"  
  
"Paris is also my hometown. Meaning I've been hear since I was born. It's as amazing to me as London is to you."  
  
"London is cool! Don't ditch London!"  
  
"I wasn't...Just nevermind."  
  
Sirius let out a sigh. "All I feel like we've been doing is fighting."  
  
James snorted, "Just like a married couple." Sirius and Remus glared at James. "What?! You /_do_/ act like a married couple." Remus growled deep in his throat. James laughed nervously, "Ha, ha, ha... You know I was just joking! I'm gonna go to the bathroom." James stood up and looked around, "Where—"  
  
"The thing that says 'Hommes'."  
  
"Gotcha." James trotted into the direction Remus described.  
  
"Sooooo...." Sirius looked at Remus trying to get something out of his friend other than a bicker.  
  
"What the hell were saying to Marc?"  
  
Sirius was taken aback by the question, "Marc? When...what?"  
  
"This morning."  
  
"Oh, uh, yeah. He was just asking me a bunch of nonsense. Nothing worth repeating."  
  
"I was in the room next door. Want to change your story?"  
  
Sirius face turned shocked, "Next door? Really... and you never made it known..."  
  
"Someone, like my mother or father, could've heard your conversation. In fact, I don't know how much my mother did hear."  
  
"Well, how much did /_you_/ hear."  
  
"The drugs."  
  
Sirius clicked his tongue, "You don't say..."  
  
"Yes, I do. That is the real reason why I am so 'blah' to you, and according to James acting like your wife."  
  
Sirius tried to keep his smile hidden, but failed miserably. "You would never be a wife, Moony. Quite the opposite. Yes, you tend to quarrel a lot, and you whip James and I quite well, you will never be—"  
  
"Shut up." Remus' eyes warned Sirius of danger, so he stopped talking.  
  
James returned awhile later after finally finding his way back to the table. Soon after the food came, and like Remus predicted, James and Sirius weren't too fond of their choices. Not one word was spoken between Sirius and Remus, and James worried that it was the thing he mentioned.  
  
James abandoned his utensils and food and waited for the other two. It was an awkward silence and only Remus seemed to enjoy it.  
  
Breaking the uncomfortable muteness James asked, "Where are we going after this?"  
  
Remus started to name off places, counting them off with his fingers. "Arc- de-Triomphe, Sainte Chapelle, Conciergerie, Madeleine, Tour Montparnasse, Pantheon, Bibliotheque Nationale de France, Eiffel Tower—"  
  
"WOO! Eiffel tower! I've always wanted to go there! Woo hoo! Then we can go to all those other places!"  
  
"Oh goodie." 


	5. December 22 ½: Twelve Pains of Christmas

December 22 1/2---Twelve Pains of Christmas

* * *

Sirius, James, and Remus were relaxing in the library/study room. That day was full of excitement and new places, just as James and Sirius predicted. But it did include exhaustion and ache. For Remus, though, it was nothing; nothing compared to tomorrow.  
  
"I think Notre Dame was my favorite." Sirius remarked while rubbing his feet.  
  
"Eiffel Tower." James said simply.  
  
"Notre Dame."  
  
"Eiffel Tower."  
  
"Notre Dame!"  
  
"Eiffel Tower!"  
  
"Would you two SHUT UP!" Remus smacked both of them in the arms and then rested back on the arm of the couch. He had more things on his mind than what place was the best and most entertaining.  
  
"What's the matter with you?" Sirius asked.  
  
"You and him and everything else in this godforsaken planet."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Wait," James said, "ME? Why me? I'm the good one." He punched Sirius playfully in the arm. "He stupid, me smart." Remus rolled his eyes.  
  
"I should warn you guys, tomorrow will be a lot different."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because a lot of people, and I mean a LOT of people, are coming. Several will drive you insane. Over the years the 'Twelve Days of Christmas' has become the 'Twelve Pains of Christmas.'"  
  
"Really?" Sirius laughed. "What are the twelve?"  
  
_"Twelve:  
_  
**The Parents**  
  
My parents are at their absolute worst Christmastime. They are all snuggly, lovey, and want to be around every minute of every day. It gets quite sickening after awhile...like two hours is enough to make you hurl.  
  
_Eleven_:  
  
**Decorations**  
  
Every year, we have some crappy tradition of putting up holly, mistletoe, and other shit around the house to get in the 'spirit' of things. It just gets me in the spirit of death and destruction.  
  
_Ten_:  
  
**Cards**  
  
Christmas cards.... Worse than lines for detention. I have to write out about fifty of them, all saying different things. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, blah, blah, blah... Hell, more than half are coming over anyway!  
  
_Nine_:  
  
**Charities**  
  
Usually every year we get charities knocking on our door. They assume 'rich' means 'give.' Their stories are pretty sad and make you want to help, but nine times outta ten they're con artists. We've learned our lesson.  
  
_Eight_:  
  
**Philip and Claire**  
  
Little buggers are what they are. Nine and twelve years old. Philip is the one that pounded on our doors yesterday. They will annoy the hell outta anyone, even their parents, who I totally feel sorry for. They will destroy your possessions so keep them locked up.  
  
_Seven_:  
  
**The Bournes, Rosseaus, Ames, Dorsets, Blancs, and Laurents**  
  
Friends of the family. No friends of mine though. Most of them don't like me. They think I'm selfish and egotistical. I suppose I do come off that way around people who treat me like I'm dirt.  
  
_Six:_  
  
**Hangovers**  
  
We already have experienced one today. Enough said.  
  
_Five_:  
  
**Nicolas Stoker**  
  
Nicolas is a bachelor—acts and appears that way. He thinks woman are scum and says he won't ever marry. He tries to be my buddy and tell me all these nasty things women do, and when I disagree he gets all pissy and tells my parents /_I'm_/ the anti-feminist. He's an asshole.  
  
_Four_:  
  
**Playing Piano and Singing**  
  
Carols... I have the role of the pianist and soloist. That was what I was arguing about with my parents yesterday morning, even though it resulted into something more. Quit looking at me like that Sirius. Yes, I can play piano and sing...only by force though. I'd never do it without someone forcing me, like my parents.  
  
_Three_:  
  
**Presents**  
  
I don't like shopping. End of story.  
  
_Two_:  
  
**Zoe and Brigitte Lefebvre**  
  
Two of the most obnoxious girls alive. They are supposedly in 'love' with me. You wait; they will be around me as much as possible. They are insufferable, unendurable, intolerable, unbearable, agonizing, awful, horrendous, insupportable, unspeakable, unacceptable....That's all the words that I can think of...  
  
_One_:  
  
**Lara Michel  
**  
No girl on this Earth can make me put a rope around my neck quicker than she can. She is convinced I like her, she likes me, and we are an item... Afraid not Missy. Lara and Brigitte and Zoe fight over me like I'm the last man on Earth. I'm not boasting, mind you, I just think it's stupid."  
  
"That's quite a list." Sirius commented. "Sounds fun."  
  
Remus rolled his eyes. "Sure, fun." 


	6. December 23: He Loves U Not

December 23—He Loves U Not

"Leave me alone!"

"Come on, Remus, don't deny it!"

"Deny! Don't make me laugh! I don't have to deny that I hate you!"

"Stop playing. Just admit you love me."

"Now it's love? Two seconds ago it was like."

"You know you love me."

"You are incorrigible!"

Remus bolted out the door. He was in such a hurry to get away he didn't realize Sirius and James laughing behind the other wall. Remus quickened his pace to a run when he heard the person he was trying to escape from coming after him.

"That must be Lara." James whispered, covering his laugh with his hand.

"Must be," Sirius smiled, "She's pretty."

"Pretty annoying." They laughed. "Moony wasn't kidding when he said she was the biggest pain. I feel sorry for him."

"I feel his pain," Sirius said frowning from the memories. "Remember Farrington?"

"Oh yeah... Janie Farrington—loved you, stalked you, of course I remember. She would take pictures of you when you were least expecting it. I saw some of the photos, and they didn't do you any justice at all."

"You saw them! Please tell me you burned them!"

"Of course I did..." James winked, "...not. I made copies of them instead for blackmail."

"Why you little—"Sirius lunged for James who got out of the way and ran down the hallway hoping to find Remus before Sirius could kill him. James almost ran into a maid, apologized, and continued to search for his other friend, while Sirius was gaining distance rapidly. James heard a crash and turned around breathing heavily.

"I'm sorry," Sirius was saying to a woman while helping her up. She must've been carrying a bunch of papers because they were spread across the floor in disarray. "I'm truly sorry. I wasn't looking where I was going—"

"It's okay." Her voice was burdened with a deep accent. "I just would like to know who you are and," She glanced at James, "him as well."

"We're friends of Remus'. I'm Sirius, he's James." Sirius held out his hand but she didn't take it. Instead, she picked up the remainder of the notes.

"Laissez-le soin à Remus d'avoir des amis sans aucune manières." She walked away without another word. _(Leave it to Remus to have friends without any manners.)  
_  
"Good job, Padfoot." He said sarcastically. "She hates us, whoever she is."

Sirius just shrugged. "Can't win 'em all."

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Found Remus." Sirius announced following the protests from his friend.

"No! No! No! No! NO!" Getting closer.

"I said stop!" Even closer.

"Get away!"

"In here," James whispered pointing to a door. James tried it but found it locked. "Now what?"

"Move over." Sirius pulled out a hairpin.

"Where did you get that?" James asked. He watched Sirius insert the pin in the keyhole and move it around. Sirius seemed to know what he was doing.

"Doesn't matter where."

"Where did you learn that?"

Sirius grinned. "Taught myself when I was younger so I could sneak into my mum's cabinet full of candy."

"Always were a marauder, huh?"

"Born with the trait." There was a short click as the door unlocked. "Do you realize they stopped talking?"

"Probably heard us. Moony has good hearing."

"Uh huh." Sirius pushed the door wide open and found Remus—kissing? Not only that, but the girl wasn't the same one he was yelling at earlier, and this girl was trying to get beneath his clothes.

Remus saw them instantly and sprang away his face turning deep red.

"Are we interrupting?" Sirius asked as calmly as he could without a blush creeping onto his face and a smile. James, on the other hand, was stifling laughter unsuccessfully. The girl had a goofy, pleased smile on her face—making Remus the only one not amused.

"Who's she, Remus?" James questioned.

The girl walked over to James. "Zoe Lefebvre." She kissed him on the cheek.

"James Potter. Nice to meet you." Zoe then turned to Sirius and had to stand on her tiptoes to give him a kiss.

"You're very handsome." She giggled and grabbed his left hand and held it with hers. She opened her mouth to speak but Remus tore her away from Sirius first.

Pointing to each person he said, "James—Zoe–Sirius. Now everyone knows who's who—get out." He pushed her out the door firmly. She turned around angrily but got a door slammed in her face.

"What's your problem, Moony?" Sirius asked a bit irate. "You should be nicer to your girlfriend."

"What gave you the idea I was dating her!"

"Uh, I dunno," James put on a satirical face, "Maybe it was the fact you were kissing her and her hand was in your—"

"Stop! Nothing would've happened...She, um, forced me..." He said the last part more quietly.

"She forced you!" Sirius laughed, "Moony, whether you like it or not, that's not possible. You can beat me and Prong's arses any day in wrestling—so why couldn't you push her off?" Remus didn't answer.

"He didn't want to...He liked it!" James concluded.

"No," Remus said lamely. "I didn't like it."

"No, of course not." James corrected himself. "you loved it!" Remus pushed him hard into the wall.

"No, my dear Prongs. I hated it, I hate her, and hate her stupid little sister who's listening in!" Remus sneered. "Come out, Brigitte."

There was a rustle in the closet and a girl a little younger than Zoe stepped out, blushing and scared. Remus advanced to her.

"Why were you in there?"

"I was stuck."

"Then how did you just come out?"

"I—"She appeared defeated. "I just wanted to see if you like my sister better." She had tears forming in her eyes, but Remus stayed firm.

"I hate you both."

"Remus John Lupin!"

"Shit." Remus turned around and saw his mother standing between Sirius and James, Lara and Zoe peeking behind her with false, upset faces.

"Tu ne dis jamais quelque chose comme ça à personne, peut importe ce que c'est!" _(You never say anything like that to anyone, no matter what!)_ She grabbed him hard on the shoulders and took him out of the room.

"I've never seen him act out his much before." Sirius commented to himself.

"Really?" Lara asked, twirling her blonde hair. "What's he like at Hogwarts then?"

"More quiet and reserved." James answered. The three girls giggled.

"Are you sure that you're talking about my Remus?"

"Pretty sure."

"Wait!" Zoe halted, looking at Lara. "Did you just say /_your_/ Remus?"

"So. He is mine."

"You weren't the one kissing him five minutes ago!"

"QUOI! Comment as-tu osé! Il est à moi, pas à toi! Reste loin!" _(WHAT! How could you! He's mine, not yours! Stay away!)_

"Whatever Lara! He loves me not you!"

"ME!"

"ME!"

Sirius and James exchanged baffled looks. "Riiiiight..."

The girls continued bantering right until Remus walked back into the room.

"Oh Remy! What happened?" Lara rubbed her hand on his back lovingly. He shrugged her off and turned to the youngest girl. "I'm sorry Brigitte. I didn't mean it. I was just a little frustrated."

Sirius could've sworn he heard the words, 'but I do hate you.'

* * *

_/God, can this guy be anymore idiotic/ Sirius thought while listening to Remus' cousin, Nicolas, barrel though his speech about how women were worthless. _

"And they do nothing but complain—"

"Hey, Nicolas," Sirius interrupted, "How do you know all this stuff if you've never been with a girl in your entire life?"

Nicolas looked dumfounded and was at a loss for words.

Sirius snickered. "That's what I thought." Sirius laced his fingers together and put them behind his head. To his side, Remus was smiling broadly.

"It's about time someone got him to shut up." Remus whispered into Sirius' ear. Nicolas kept opening his mouth and shutting it like a fish out of water, which seemed to make Remus even more cheerful. Nicolas eyebrows creased in confusion while he walked off, talking to himself.

Remus burst into laughter the moment he turned the corner. "That's was fantastic, Sirius! Never in my entire existence have I been able to stun him like you just did!"

"You can repay me later." Sirius gazed into Remus' golden orbs.

"Repay...you? How?" Remus seemed a little apprehensive at any sign of Sirius' mind going at work.

"You will see, my dear friend, you will see." Sirius leapt out of the couch and strode to the staircase. "I may even help you with your little L-B-Z problem."

"L-B-Z? What's that?"

"Lara, Brigitte, Zoe, of course." Sirius' eyes sparkled with a mischievous glint.

"Of course..." Remus looked at nothing in particular, just thinking about what Sirius could plan up.

But Sirius knew Remus would never guess correctly.


	7. December 23 ½ : Best Deceptions

December 23 ½-- Best Deceptions

* * *

_"This is how it's going down: whoever can get into Remus' bed first—with him in it and lets you in willingly—wins."  
  
"That's a little, uh, comfy."  
  
"That's how it's gonna be. Don't like it, then you forfeit."  
  
"Fine. I'm in."  
  
"Me too."  
  
"Me three."  
  
"Good...let's begin..."_  
  
**----Earlier---**  
  
"So, as I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted..."  
  
"Blah, blah, blah. That's all you do James, is just blah." Sirius waved his fork and pointed it at the messy haired boy. "No one wants to hear at this table how you'll capture Lily's heart, 'cause you won't."  
  
"I think he's romantic." Marie countered, grinning at James. "He knows what he wants and he goes after it. I bet you'll win her over. Just give her some time."  
  
Remus rolled his eyes. "Doubt that'll happen." Sirius coughed on his food while laughing.  
  
"Me either." Nicolas joined. "You need to be a girl just to be noticed by them."  
  
Sirius scrunched up his face in disgust. "That was the dumbest thing I ever heard." Nicolas' eyes widened and Remus' went into a fit of giggles.  
  
"How about," Joseph suggested, "that we talk about tomorrow. I'm sure Sirius and James would like to know about traditions on Christmas Eve."  
  
"Ah, yes." Remus nodded his head. "We get drunk on expensive wine and fall over everything, breaking all the glass—that's why there's none out right now—and then..."  
  
"The truth Remus." His mother scolded.  
  
"Ah...the boring story." Remus cleared his throat for a show. "We get drunk, but usually just fall over each other." Remus smiled at his mother.  
  
"Try again."  
  
Remus frowned. "Singing and hanging around by the fireplace." His mother smiled her approval. "But we still get drunk." Her smiled turned upside down. James and Sirius laughed heartily. Remus was in a really good mood today, compared to the past couple of days.  
  
After dinner everyone went there separate ways. Some guests came over, but Remus took his friends away and hid in the study.  
  
"Why are we hiding, again?" Sirius asked nonchalantly, while glancing at the books on the shelves.  
  
"They're on the list of my pains of Christmas." Remus replied sitting on a desk and flipping open a magazine.  
  
"So they're the Doors, Leaves, Aims, and Blanks?" Sirius questioned.  
  
"Dorsets, Lefebvres, Ames, Blancs, Laurents, and Bournes." Remus corrected.  
  
"Oh, well, let's get technical." Sirius pulled his eyes away from the books and walked over to James. He whispered, "Occupy him."  
  
James looked at him questioningly. "Why?"  
  
"Because, I need to help him out with his L-B-Z problem." Sirius sneaked out of the study without drawing Remus' attention. He could hear James talking loudly to Remus about quidditch and who should've won what. "Great," Sirius whispered to himself, "Talk about something he'll enjoy, idiot."  
  
"HEY! WHERE YA GOING REMUS?!" James voice bellowed. "NAH! YOU DON'T NEED TO FIND HIM! HE JUST WENT TO THE LOO!"  
  
"Way to stay cool, James." Sirius shook his head in disbelief and quickly climbed the stairs to a certain someone's room.  
  
Sirius knocked on the third door on the right. A small voice said, "Open."  
  
Sirius cracked the door open and stuck his head inside. "Hello there." The young boy inside looked at him crazily.  
  
"Sirilu!"  
  
"Yeah, actually, that's Sirius..." The boy jumped down from his bed and hopped over to Sirius. He was as tall as Sirius' waist, so the boy craned his neck upward.  
  
"Does Sirilu want to play with me?" His high voice pierced through the room like a needle.  
  
Without trying to offend the boy, Sirius casually stuck his fingers in his ears. "Actually, I needed a favor from you and possibly that little girlfriend of yours."  
  
"EWE! Girlfriend?! Girls are ucky."  
  
"Have you been talking with Nicolas?"  
  
"No, he's a stoopyhead."  
  
"Agreed. But do you mind doing me a favor, Philip?" Sirius squatted down so he was face to face with Philip.  
  
"Sure. What does you want?"  
  
"I need you and your friend, Claire, to distract some people."  
  
"OHHHH! Fun! Who?"  
  
"Lara, Brigitte, and Zoe. Oh, and James too."  
  
"Ha! Too easy!" Philip jumped up in the air and started speaking immediately in French.  
  
"Hey, simmer down now." Sirius grabbed hold of Philip's arm and pulled him close. "I need you to start in an hour.... You do know what an hour is right? You're older than that right?"  
  
"I'm nine."  
  
"Oh...So you know time."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Well then." Sirius straightened up. "In an hour I better not see Lara, Brigitte, Zoe, and James unless you're chasing them or something."  
  
"When do I stop?"  
  
"Make sure to keep them occupied throughout the night."  
  
"Okay! This is gonna be soooo much fun! I'm gonna go tell Claire, she has these really neat color changers..." Philip bounded from the room.  
  
"Sounds like me." Sirius chuckled. "Step one: accomplished."

* * *

Sirius knocked on another door and patiently waited outside.  
  
"Coming!"  
  
The click of several locks clinked and the door was thrown open. "Sirius!" Lara bounded from her room and squeezed Sirius tight. "What brings you up here?"  
  
"I had a little plan for you."  
  
Lara's blue eyes sparkled. "A plan? Involving what?"  
  
"Remus."  
  
"I like that..."  
  
"I will explain things, but I need Brigitte and Zoe here too."  
  
"What? Why them?"  
  
"So I don't have to explain things again and again."  
  
"Fine. I'll get them." Sirius moved out of the way so she could pass, but she didn't move. "BRIGITTE! ZOE! COME HERE!"  
  
Two doors opened and out came two equally baffled girls. They spit angry words at Lara, but quit when they saw the handsome man standing beside her.  
  
"He wants to tell us something." Lara explained.  
  
"Oh." The sisters said in unison.  
  
"I'm just going to come right out and say it." Sirius made a show of clearing his throat. "Remus likes someone in this hallway, and I'm not saying who, but I have a contest for you three."  
  
The girls glanced at each other anxiously.  
  
"This is how it's going down: whoever can get into Remus' bed first—with him in it and lets you in willingly—wins." Sirius explained.  
  
"That's a little, uh, comfy." Brigitte commented.  
  
"That's how it's gonna be. Don't like it, then you forfeit."  
  
"Fine. I'm in."  
  
"Me too." Lara agreed.  
  
"Me three." Zoe added.  
  
Sirius' mischievous glint came back in his sky blue eyes. "Good...let's begin..."

* * *

"That was a long time in the restroom, Padfoot." Remus commented, not even glancing in Sirius' direction.  
  
"I got lost...Speaking of lost, where is James."   
  
Remus pointed to a door."He annoyed the hell out of me...So, naturally, I locked him in a closet."  
  
"HELP ME!!!" A muffled cry bellowed.  
  
"Sorry, Prongs, but you probably deserved it." Sirius called back. "I think he should stay in there for a while."  
  
"So do I." Remus closed the book he was reading. "Just for further notice, if you ever start a conversation with 'werewolves rock' you'll end up just like him."  
  
"Werewolves rock?"  
  
"You would've had to have been there."  
  
"Sooooo....Moony....Wanna get outta here?" Sirius offered.  
  
"From James? Of course I do." Remus stood next to Sirius. "Where to?"  
  
"I haven't been outside."  
  
"It's cold."  
  
"So." Sirius grinned. "I'll keep you warm." Sirius made to put his arm around Remus' shoulder.  
  
"Touch me and die." Remus stalked off, Sirius at his heels. Together, they gathered their cloaks and treaded through the soft snow.  
  
"How long should we let James suffer?" Remus asked staring into the empty sky.  
  
"Couple of hours should do him some good. Besides it's better than what he would've gotten."  
  
"Would've gotten?"  
  
"Don't ask."  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
Sirius carefully closed the distance between himself and Remus and soon their shoulders collided, and Remus didn't kill him...at least not yet. /He may later/.  
  
"For one house, this is a lot of land." Sirius noted.  
  
"Sixty-two acres, all trees."  
  
"Lots of hiding places."  
  
"Indeed... I know all the good ones too."  
  
Sirius was hit with an idea. "How about some hide-and-seek?  
  
Remus' eyebrow arched. "What are we? Five?"  
  
"It'll be fun. Since you know the land better you can seek first."  
  
"Okay..."  
  
"But if you don't find me in...let's say, a half hour, be scared for my life."  
  
"Gotcha. Thirty minutes and pray for your death."  
  
"NO! Don't pray for it! Pray against it!"  
  
"Oh, right." Remus turned around and started to count. Sirius silently laughed and hid behind the nearest tree.  
  
"I don't remember what you say when your done counting." Remus shouted. "But I am...so..." He turned around and looked through the trees. He started walking in the wrong direction, looking behind and up every tree.  
  
Remus kept getting farther and farther away and Sirius wouldn't allow that. Hiding behind oaks as he went, he caught up with the wandering figure.  
  
"I hear you, Padfoot." Remus turned around quickly, but Sirius concealed himself behind the tree once again. Spinning around again, Remus continued searching for his companion, who all the while kept getting closer.  
  
Getting colder by the second, Sirius decided it was time to end the game. As quietly as he could he sneaked up behind Remus and engulfed him in his arms.  
  
"HEY!" Remus shouted. "I thought I was the one who was supposed to catch you!"  
  
"You're slow." Sirius rested his head on Remus' shoulder. "I am really supposed to believe that you didn't know I was following you?"  
  
"Uh, ya..." Remus' voice hitched. "I, um, didn't know."  
  
"Right..." Sirius put his lips next to Remus' jaw. "You couldn't hear or smell me?"  
  
"Uh...n..n..no."  
  
"I see." Sirius twisted Remus around their faces inches apart. "I think you're lying."  
  
"I may have...um, scented you a few times...but, uh, not always...There's just so many scents in the forest...can't keep them straight..." His voice was higher than normal.  
  
"Earlier you said that if I touched you I would die...So will you kill me after this?"  
  
"After wha—"Sirius closed the space between them, and kissed Remus tenderly. Sirius let up after seconds flew by and studied Remus' expression that was utterly shocked. Sirius backed away giving Remus his space. When Remus didn't say anything, Sirius took that as rejection.  
  
"I'm going to go and let James out." Sirius walked away feeling hurt. He ignored the falling footsteps behind him and kept walking. Sirius didn't really feel like talking or anything else right at the moment.  
  
But you have to give your attention when someone slams you against a tree.  
  
"Quit running away."  
  
And that was all that was said before Remus claimed Sirius lips with his own.

* * *

"AHHHHH!!! GET HIM AWAY!" Several slams erupted in the hallway. "PHILIP I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!"  
  
"MY HAIR IS PINK!"  
  
"WELL MINE IS GREEN!"  
  
"YOU ARE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS PHILIP AND CLAIRE!"  
  
"What the hell is going on?" Remus asked safely inside his room.  
  
"Oh, I'm guessing Philip turned the girls' hair different colors." Sirius smirked.  
  
"Sounds like something you'd do."  
  
"Does it now?"  
  
Remus bent down and kissed Sirius briefly, "Yes, it does... You don't have anything to do with it, do you?"  
  
"Of course not!" Sirius grinned. "I never told Philip and Claire to turn anyone's hair a different color."  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"It's late. Let them deal with it." Sirius pulled Remus down into bed with him. No more than five minutes went by until Remus fell asleep.  
  
"Guess I win." Sirius murmured before sleep claimed him as well. 


	8. December 24: Liberi Fatali

December 24—Liberi Fatali

* * *

Christmas Eve wasn't supposed to be filled with heartbreak. So why, on this supposedly merry and jolly day...was not merry or jolly at all?  
  
"I'm so sorry, James." Sirius hugged his friend sympathetically.  
  
"Knew it was coming, just didn't think she'd go so soon...and on Christmas Eve of all days." Tears streamed down James' face like a river. "I can't believe my grandma died... she seemed so.... I dunno..."  
  
"I guess you have to leave then..." Remus' voice was small and could barely be heard.  
  
"Yep." James wiped his nose on his sleeve. "You're father is taking me the Floo network in a couple of minutes."  
  
"That soon?" Sirius asked.  
  
"Yeah...Dad said Mum wasn't feeling too well with everything and needs me to be home as soon as possible."  
  
Sirius and Remus looked at each other, questioning each other what they should do. "Before you go—"Sirius said before he shot upstairs, raven hair caught in the wind. He came back panting and handed James a small package wrapped in the Daily Prophet.  
  
"I know, bad wrapping." Sirius managed to get out before dropping into a chair.  
  
"Tradition with you though." James turned the package around in his hands. "Do I even want to know why it's dated three years ago?"  
  
"Probably not."  
  
James lip curled into a small smile. "Thanks, Padfoot." He saw Joseph waving from the next room telling him it was time to go. "Well..." James flipped around a couple of times in search for the auburn headed boy but he was no where to be found. He shrugged and waved Sirius goodbye.  
  
"Tell him I said goodbye." James murmured and left with Joseph.  
  
"Bye James." Sirius said belatedly.  
  
"Where is he?" Remus returned slightly out of breath.  
  
"Just missed him."  
  
"What?!" Remus dashed from the room and out the front door.  
  
Sirius watched from the window and saw Remus flag down the two men. When Remus caught up to them he handed James a gift, hugged him, and walked back to the house.  
  
The door slammed.  
  
"This is not the way I things are supposed to go. Not on the holidays."  
  
The rest of the day was not how it was supposed to be either. 


	9. December 24 ½: Nightmare Before Christma...

December 24 ½: Nightmare Before Christmas

* * *

Sirius was reading a book that he found downstairs in the study. But the book was in French, so for an hour he was still on the first page. With a dictionary in hand, paper and pen in another and the book balancing on his knee, he didn't pay attention to the two books. The piece of paper and pen however were moving swiftly; translations at top but slowly turn into Sirius' own thoughts and troubles.  
  
_/I never expected this. First I was thrown into a new world and learn their way of things. When I finally get the hand of it, my world comes crashing down. James is like a brother to me, so whenever he feels hurt it seems like his pain transfers to me. Not fair not fair not fair not fair.../  
  
_Sirius tore the parchment in half and then in thirds and threw the pieces in the trash. "Life's not fair..." He wanted to run, to leave everything behind, to scream—but the last one was already being done by someone else.  
  
Sirius scrambled from his bed knocking the books to the floor and ran out into the hallway. The screams died but were soon replaced by a soft whimper. He walked over to Remus' door and put an ear on the wood. This wasn't anything new; Remus always had nightmares.  
  
Sirius retreated back into his room; Remus and himself had enough on their minds right now and Sirius wasn't sure if Remus would be as accepting as last night. Besides, Remus always calmed down eventually.  
  
'Eventually' was an eternity for the cerulean-eyed boy. Remus always woke up before, so why not now?  
  
Once again, Sirius raised himself out of bed and tiptoed to the wood door. Remus seemed to be talking like he was carrying on a conversation with someone. Sirius poised his hand on the brass doorknob.  
  
/_This is wrong. I should just leave him alone like all the times before. But maybe.../  
_  
He twisted the handle cautiously and pushed the door gradually so it wouldn't creak. As soon as he stepped in, he heard a muffled cry coming from the bed. As noiselessly as he could, he approached the werewolf's bed; Remus' voice becoming more clear with every step.  
  
"Stop.... Don't hurt him—not again..." Sirius flung open the hangings. Remus' face was covered in cold sweat—possibly even tears intermingling. He was twisted in the bed sheets like a cocoon and was frantically moving around as if trying to run away from his tribulation.  
  
Sirius caught a flailing hand and held it firmly. He embraced the trembling body tightly trying to comfort and soothe. Remus stopped crying out and moving, but shivers erupted through his body. Chestnut hair splayed across his savior's shoulders and intermixed with ebony. Remus held onto him with a bone-crushing grip as if he would let go he'd go back to the previous hell.  
  
Sirius spoke very softly with compassionate words and tried to rub out the trembles in the other young man's slender back. Remus placed his face in the crook of Sirius' neck, tears shattering like glass on his skin. Eventually, Sirius could feel the shaky, uneven breaths turn steady and balanced and the death grip loosening.  
  
Time carried on. One not willing to leave the other alone, and the other not willing to let go. Sleep was not necessary in the world of devotion and compassion.  
  
Gold eyes bore into sapphire. Sirius felt like his soul was being penetrated—as if Remus could see all his concealed secrets and fears. He looked away becoming quite interested in his frayed Gryffindor nightshirt and pulled at the loose strings.  
  
"What..." A honey-filled voice broke the quiet, "What was I doing?"  
  
Sirius had a hard time finding his voice. When he did it was unstable and erratic. "Not anything out of the ordinary...Well, it was a little more extreme than normal..."  
  
"Normal? I have a normal? Oh god." Remus clamped his eyes shut and turned over on his side. Sirius placed a hand on the small of his back.  
  
"Everyone has nightmares. You just have them more often."  
  
Remus looked squarely into Sirius' eyes. "Nightmares are frightening dreams accompanied by a sense of oppression or suffocation. Or an evil spirit formerly thought to oppress people during sleep. I do not have nightmares because nightmares aren't real, they never happened, never will. It's your subconscious telling you something. The last time I ever had a real nightmare, I was six. Ever since then all I can see is the past—that is my nightmare. They're truthful—they've happened—they are actual memories."  
  
"So," Sirius tried to comprehend everything that was just spit out at him. "What you are saying, is that you just were /_reliving_/ a memory?"  
  
"Exactly."  
  
"And what memory was this?" Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say. Remus looked agitated and scooted away, almost falling off the edge of the bed. Sirius made to get up but a tender hand snatched his pulling Sirius back down.  
  
"Don't go." Remus was holding a wooden black box. He held it up for Sirius to see, "You thought I was shunning you, didn't you?"  
  
"No," Sirius lied. He grabbed the box and silently asked for permission to open it. Remus reached around and turned on a lamp.  
  
"You asked what my memories were of. What's better than expressing memories than—"Remus tore off the top, "—pictures?" Sirius laughed.  
  
"Of course." Sirius picked up the first one in the pile. He laughed, "That's fucking hilarious!" Remus blushed a deep pink.  
  
"I didn't have a choice..."  
  
"The hair or the clothes?"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
Sirius grabbed a handful more and whipped through until he would find one of particular interest. "Wow. She's hot!"  
  
"That's my sister."  
  
"Ewe, ewe, ewe! I am so sorry, mate." Sirius pitched the picture like it burned him and replaced it with another one. "Awwwwww. Is this you? Or are you going to tell me that it's not and make me assume that it's the same guy in the hallway?"  
  
"It's me."  
  
"I thought so." Sirius looked at the picture more doggedly. "You were really cute. What happened to ickle Remy-poo?"  
  
Remus scowled, "Don't you dare start calling me that. It's bad enough with a mother doing it."  
  
Sirius chuckled and continued skimming through the rest of his handful of photographs, stopping to say a comment or two about each. He stopped at one that caught his attention more than any other, a family photo. He flipped the image around so Remus could see. "You," he pointed at a baby. "Mother and father," He pointed to the middle-aged couple. "Sister." He poked at the curly-headed girl. "Now, who is this?" He jabbed his finger at the last person, a young teen similar to what Remus looked like at the age.  
  
"He's a friend."  
  
"Is this not a family picture?"  
  
"Yes. But friends can be family, no? Like you and James—true brothers, not by blood but by heart and soul."  
  
"True. I've never had a good bloodline so I took the next best thing: James, Peter, and you. Not to mention James' family." He put down the photo, but in the new light he noticed something peculiar. "This 'friend' is the same boy in the hallway."  
  
Remus didn't respond; he was staring at another picture from deep within the black box with mournful eyes. Sirius leaned over to see it, but Remus briskly tossed it aside and put on a phony smile.  
  
"Goes by so quickly. I miss being young with nothing to worry about except your parents getting fussy when you come into the house covered in mud." Remus' eyes seemed to go a shade darker.  
  
"Those were the days. My parents were at least half-way decent back then...Of course it all changed when I got into Gryffindor and quit obeying them." Sirius glanced over at Remus and saw that he was sound asleep. Sirius pulled the covers around him, turned off the light and kissed him goodnight.  
  
Sirius picked up all the disordered pictures and put them back into their container. He found the one Remus tossed and made sure it was on top. He stood up and took the photos and the black box back into his room.  
  
Locking the door behind him, he turned on all the lights in the room and sat down heavily on the blue-velvet bedclothes. He placed the box in front of him and took out the first picture.  
  
It was boy about seven years old with a baby boy sucking his thumb in his arms. The baby had a spurt of brown hair the same color as the older boy. Certain similarities proved that they were related. They looked very happy and content right where they were.  
  
Sirius could only figure out a few things about the mysterious boy. He was about seven years older than Remus, Remus obviously looked up to him and cared for him, and something happened to him, possibly betrayal or death.  
  
Sirius wanted the truth but knew when Remus wanted to keep a secret, he would. 


	10. December 25: Opera of the Bells

December 25: Opera of the Bells

"_Dashing through the snow _

On a one-horse open sleigh, Over the fields we go, Laughing all the way; Bells on bob-tail ring, making spirits bright, What fun it is to ride and sing A sleighing song tonight ...

Kill me now, Kill me now, please kill me now!

O what misery it is to sing this fucking song..."

"REMUS!"

"Oh come on! I was just messing around."

"Not in front of all the kids!"

"There's only two and they've heard it before!"

His mother rolled her eyes. "Les hommes... ils sont tout semblables." _(Men...they are all alike.)_

"HEY! Don't include me in that!" Nicolas protested causing Remus to snicker.

"That's right, 'cause you ain't no man." Remus muttered so only Nicolas, Sirius, and Marie could hear him. Marie and Sirius seemed to be having a hard time keeping their faces straight.

"Play something else, Remus!" Claire pleaded. "Play a good song!"

"Do I have to?" Remus turned to his parents

"Yes." They said simultaneously.

"Damn." His father cleared his throat. "I mean, darn..."

"Deck the Halls!" Marc yelled. Remus made a rude gesture with his hand. "That's not very good Christmas spirit!"

"Just do it and get it over with." Joel said. "The faster this goes, the faster we get to presents."

"Fine. Fine..." Remus gave an evil grin and started to sing. "_Deck the halls... with boughs of non-endangered plant species Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la 'Tis the season to be self-actualizing, Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la Don we now our alternate-lifestyle apparel _

Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Toll the ancient non-denominational-winter-solstice-holiday carol Fa la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la See the blazing log of non-denominational-winter-solstice-holiday-non- endangered wood before us—"

Everyone started laughing. "What the hell is that?" Marc asked between laughs.

"The politically correct version." Remus answered.

"Oh! Since we're not doing real versions, I got one!" Marc bellowed and stood up in front of everyone.

_"Lacy things - the wife is missin, Didn't ask - her permission, I'm wearin' her clothes, Her silk pantyhose, Walkin' round in women's underwear. In the store - there's a teddy, Little straps - like spaghetti, It holds me so tight, Like handcuffs at night, Walkin' round in women's underwear. In the office there's a guy named Marvin, He pretends that I am Murphy Brown. He'll say, "Are you ready?" I'll say, "Whoa, Man! Let's wait until our wives are out of town!" Later on, if you wanna, We can dress - like Madonna, Put on some eyeshade, And join the parade, Walkin' round in women's underwear!"  
_  
All the men in the room roared with laughter, the women however shook their heads in disgust.

"That would not be a pretty sight." Marie scrunched her face at the mental image. "Ug. That is a demeaning parody for Winter Wonderland."

"Anyone else want to get one out of their system?" Desiree asked a bit irritated at the turn of events.

Remus turned to Sirius. "What was the one you sang last year?"

Sirius' face fell. "I...don't remember."

"Sure...I believe it had something to do with a dog..."

Everyone was staring expectantly at him. "Please don't make me do this."

"Everyone in here has sang except you, Sirius." Joel pointed out.

"I'm not very good, that's why."

"I do not believe that's true, Padfoot." Remus grinned. "You were the hit of the ball last year when you sang your rendition of 'A Hard Day's Night.'"

"Shut up. I was...a little tipsy and that doesn't count."

"I think you were completely smashed." Sirius growled at him.

"Just do it Sirius. You can't be any worse than Nick." Marc encouraged.

"Yeah, Sirius! Come on!" Marie begged.

"Come on Sirilu!" Philip chimed in.

Sirius blushed deeply when Remus whispered, "Do it for me."

"Fine..." Sirius breathed in deeply. "I suppose I could..."

_"Dogs tags ring, are you listenin'? _

In the lane, snow is glistenin'.

It's yellow, not white

I've been there tonight,

Marking up my winter wonderland.

Smell that tree? That's my fragrance.

It's a sign for wand'rin vagrants;

"Avoid where I pee, it's my property!

Marked up as my winter wonderland."

In the meadow dad will build a snowman,

following the classical design.

Then I'll lift my leg and let it go Man,

So all the world will know that it is mine, mine, mine!

Straight from me to the fence post,

flows my naturally incense boast;

"Stay off my turf, this small piece of earth,

I mark it as my winter wonderland.""

"YEAH!" Joel laughed. "I don't know what you were so afraid of! You're right up there with Renee and Remus!" Sirius beamed at the compliment.

"Not too shabby." Remus praised patting Sirius on the shoulder. He turned to his parents, "Can we do the presents now?"

"Might as well." His father answered. Philip and Claire whooped and everyone else murmured, "About time."

The younger ones ripped through all there presents within ten minutes, while the entire group watched the eager children.

"Damn, I wish I was that young again." Joel remarked.

"Young and hopeless." His brother chimed in. Joel rolled his eyes.

After the children were done, and started playing with all their new toys, the adults started exchanging gifts with one another.

Clothes, books, muggle equipment, money, jewelry, prank gifts cluttered the room afterwards. Everyone admired their current gifts, thanking their giver and how much they appreciated it. Sirius even received presents from everyone, a few he had no idea of what they were, but cherished it all the same. Remus received many books, muggle contraptions, and of course a load of chocolate for his sweet tooth.

If only Sirius could get Remus alone for a few minutes.

"So," Sirius muttered to his friend who had a smudge of chocolate on the side of his mouth and was tempting Sirius to do the unthinkable in front of everyone. "What happens now?"

"Nofin weawy." Remus replied with a mouthful.

"Oh... So can we...leave? For like a moment or two."

Remus narrowed his eyes. "'spose so." He stood up and held out a hand for Sirius, who took it and was pulled to his feet. Remus swallowed. "Where to?"

"Someplace with a lock."

Remus raised his eyebrows and his mouth curled. "Why do we need a lock?"

"Because I don't want to be interrupted. Now go." He pushed Remus towards the stairs. Remus led Sirius to the third floor and opened a double-door to reveal a very large room comprising with red accoutrements.

"Wow. Where are we?"

"Guest bedroom, but I like to call it Suite de Lune de Miel. Or in other words the Honeymoon Suite."

"Picked a good name, I daresay."

Remus chuckled. "So why did you want to be somewhere with a lock?"

"To do this." Sirius licked the devious smear of chocolate off before making his way to Remus' lips claiming them for a short but sweet and innocent kiss. "I must say, you are quite delectable."

Remus smiled dreamily and bit his lower lip in thought. "I guess this room came in handy after all."

"Guess so." Sirius fumbled around in his pocket and pulled out a small package. "Did you think I forgot about you?"

"No..." Remus admired the nicely wrapped package. "You put more effort into it than James'."

"The Daily Prophet wrapping paper is tradition with him. But I just think you deserve something a little higher class." Sirius handed the box to Remus. "I have to explain it after you open it, otherwise it would seem sort of pointless."

Remus tore off the gold paper and peered into the box. "A necklace?"

"See? I told you I have to explain it before you start thinking things." Sirius took the chain and glass sphere and held it up. "Ever heard of a dream catcher?"

"I think so. Some feathery and stringy things."

"Right. Well this is like that. Except it actually works."

"So I wouldn't have any dreams?"

"Not bad ones, they'd all be pleasant. I was really tempted to use it last night."

"How does it work?"

"You can wear it or hang it around your bed. It somehow transfers good thoughts and destroys any bad thoughts while sleeping."

Remus grabbed the chain away from Sirius and pulled it over his head and it fell around his neck gracefully. "You sure it works?"

"All the time I had it by my bed for three months, I never once had a bad dream."

Remus kissed Sirius tenderly and affectionately. One kiss can say more than words ever could. "Thank you."

"Anything for you."

Remus rested his head on Sirius' shoulder. He put his mouth next to an ear and spoke very softly, "We could make good use of this room."

Sirius eyes went wide. "We could..." Remus clamped down on the skin of Sirius' neck, kissing and biting and suckling. A moan escaped Sirius' lips. "You will be the end of me, I swear."

Remus stood straight and gazed longingly into Sirius' eyes. "You're everything I don't need..." Remus kissed Sirius once more. "But everything I want."


	11. December 25 ½: 7 Minutes

December 25 ½: 7 Minutes

* * *

"How much longer?"  
  
"Seven minutes."  
  
"Woo hoo! Record time!"  
  
"You're an idiot, Padfoot."  
  
"You tell me that all the time. If you keep doing it I'll actually start believing you."  
  
"You think I'm joking?"  
  
"That hurts." Sirius put the finishing touches on his hair and clanked his comb down. "Well let's go."  
  
"Wait," Remus grabbed Sirius by his crimson robes and pulled him back into the room. "I have seven minutes and I'm going to use them.  
  
"Alrighty..." Sirius looked at him skeptically. Remus shoved Sirius roughly into a padded chair and walked behind him.  
  
"Seven minutes," he whispered into Sirius ear, making the little hairs on his neck stand up. Remus kissed Sirius' cheek and hugged him putter their faces side to side.  
  
"So..." Sirius took in a deep breath. "What are you going to do with your seven minutes?" He felt Remus smile against his cheek.  
  
"I dunno. I though I could hide here with you...and...talk."  
  
"Talk? I don't like that idea."  
  
"Well if we happen to be late...we were have an intense conversation and lost track of the time."  
  
"Oh...I get it...Talk...yeah..."  
  
Remus laughed. "So how was you Christmas in France for the first time?"  
  
"Better than I imagined."  
  
"I'm glad." Remus walked around and stood in front of the sable-headed adolescent. He took both of Sirius' coarse quidditch hands and laced them with his. "To be honest, I thought it was going to be horrible. It was the first couple of days, but I'd say it got much better."  
  
Sirius laughed. "Most definitely." Remus let go of Sirius' hands and used his now free hands to cup Sirius' face delicately.  
  
"It took me forever to figure out what I wanted. And even when I did figure it out I wouldn't let myself believe it. I'm happy that I finally accepted it."  
  
"Ditto." Sirius pulled Remus closer making the thinner teen straddle his lap. "Enough talking more..."  
  
"'Talking.'" Remus made quotes in the air.  
  
Sirius' laugh was garbled when Remus made their lips collide in a melted fury of passion and love. Slowly, it progressed from sweet caresses to heated desire and lust.  
  
Only when it was absolutely essential did they finally break their connection. Both closed their eyes, intending on memorizing every detail. When Sirius' eyes reopened a furious face met him.  
  
"What did I do?" Sirius unfolded under his intense stare.  
  
"You know what you did." Sirius looked at his hands—not them, they were placed on his hips, that's safe enough. He looked down—not there either. Sirius was really confused now.  
  
Remus leaned down so he was eye level with his newfound lover. Instead of kissing him once more, his tongue outstretched at licked Sirius' bottom lip. Odd.  
  
"Uh, Moony, what did I—"  
  
"Chocolate."  
  
"—do? Chocolate? What?"  
  
"You taste like chocolate."  
  
"Oh." Sirius chuckled. "That's supposed to be a good thing, isn't it? You love chocolate."  
  
Remus laughed this time, "My two favorite things together as one."  
  
"Wow. I'm ranked at number two?"  
  
"Not quite. I like you a lot more than chocolate."  
  
"I'm flattered." Sirius drew little circles on the werewolf's back and kissed the end of his nose.  
  
Remus crinkled his face. "Where is it?"  
  
"Where is what?"  
  
Remus let out an exasperated sigh. "The chocolate."  
  
Sirius sniggered. "How do you know I didn't get it from the kitchen or your stash?"  
  
"Because I ate all the chocolate I got from this morning already and I raid the kitchen everyday and I assure you there were no chocolate frogs today."  
  
"You can even identify what kind it is!"  
  
"Good memory."  
  
"No, it just proves you eat too much chocolate." Sirius leaned up the same moment Remus leaned down. Their lips smashed into each other sending a more passionate fire coursing through their veins. Caught up in the moment, neither one realized that someone was knocking at the door until someone laughed.  
  
Remus sprang away and fell to the floor knocking Sirius and the chair backwards as well.  
  
"Ow," Sirius mumbled rubbing his head. "I didn't know you were into the whole S&M thing."  
  
Remus growled at him and punched him in the knee. "Be quiet." There were more whispered giggles and talking in the hallway.  
  
"Damn, it's Philip and Claire."  
  
"How do you know?" Sirius wondered while regaining his stature.  
  
"I'd know that high cackle anywhere. I swear I never get any privacy!" He yelled. The talking ceased and footsteps pounded away.  
  
"I've noticed. It seems you're always interrupted."  
  
"That's because people think if they leave me alone for too long I'll transform and kill someone."  
  
"That's stupid. Don't they read?"  
  
"Yes, but half of them are muggles and all muggle wolfs depict wolves dangerous 24/7. Ever heard of Little Red Riding Hood?"  
  
"Can't say that I have."  
  
"Well, it's about a girl who is going to her grandmother's house and is followed by a wolf. Before Little Red Riding Hood can get to her grandmother's house the wolf eats the grandma and pretends to be her."  
  
"Wait. Wouldn't you figure that out? A wolf and human don't really have a great resemblance."  
  
"It's a fable, Sirius."  
  
"Right. Continue."  
  
"Well when the girl gets there she sees her 'grandmother' and notices something wrong."  
  
"Hummm. I wonder what it could possibly be? Perhaps your grandma is covered in hair? Or the nose? Or—"  
  
"Would you let me finish? She asks him stuff like, 'my what big eyes you have.' And the wolf says—"  
  
"'The better to see you with my dear." Sirius finished.  
  
"You said you didn't know the story."  
  
"I don't. Not really. Lily said that once."  
  
"Oh. Do you know what else?"  
  
"I think something like, 'my what big teeth you have.' 'The better to eat you with.'"  
  
"Do you know what happens after that?" Sirius shook his head. "The wolf eats her."  
  
"That's, uh, nice. I never knew muggle fairy tales were so violent."  
  
"Then some axe man comes and cuts open the wolf's stomach and takes everyone out. At least that's what happens in some versions."  
  
"Ug. And they tell this story to children?"  
  
"Why not? Everyone survives except the wolf. So all's well in the world. Evil is vanquished and good prevails."  
  
"Crazy. That's just plain crazy. Muggles have demented minds." Sirius hugged Remus to his side. "Except your mother, she's cool. She's like a witch, except she can't do magic."  
  
Remus shook his head. "You're an odd one."  
  
"You just now realized that? Shows how much you care."  
  
They stood there embracing for awhile until Remus said out of nowhere, "Seven minutes."  
  
"Huh?" Sirius snapped back into reality.  
  
"Seven minutes. Shit!" Remus grabbed Sirius' hand and dragged him out the door and down the hallway. "We're late."  
  
"How late?"  
  
"Seven minutes late."  
  
Sirius stopped running. "Are you serious?"  
  
Remus smiled, "No, you are." He pulled Sirius forcefully and hauled him downstairs.  
  
"Oh, I forgot to laugh. Ha. Ha." Sirius said uninterested at the overused pun.  
  
They slowed down then they hit the entrance to the dining room. Catching their breath, they entered as quietly as possible and sat down at the far end of the oak table.  
  
"Nice of you to join us." Joseph acknowledged their presence.  
  
"Sorry, Dad, we lost track of the time." Remus responded. Sirius hid his smile behind a forkful of food.  
  
"What were you two doing?" Sirius coughed and made a display of choking on his food.  
  
"We were..." Remus hit Sirius on the back fiercely to stop him from suffocating. "Just talking."  
  
"What was so important that you lost track of time?" Desiree asked.  
  
"Uh, we were, talking about..." Remus stammered. "...Stuff..."  
  
"Just tell them Remus, it's no big deal." Sirius waved his fork carelessly. Remus glared at him as if he could easily set him ablaze. Sirius looked at Remus and when he saw he wasn't going to say anything Sirius continued, "We were sending my gift to James for Christmas. I forgot to give it to him before he left; better late than never, I'd say." He felt Remus relax next to him. The rest of the diners nodded and continued eating and talking amongst themselves.  
  
"Sirius," Remus whispered, "sometimes you are just too cool."  
  
Sirius laughed wholeheartedly, catching everyone's attention. Sirius killed his laugh pretending not to notice everyone staring. "That was a funny joke, Moony." Remus gave a nervous laugh, then nearly strangled Sirius when everyone turned around once more.  
  
"Idiot."  
  
"Hey! You said I was cool."  
  
"I lied."  
  
Sirius put on his puppy dog eyes and stuck out his bottom lip. "Meanie."  
  
"Fucking jerk."  
  
"Ah, ah, ah. That's not very nice." Sirius wiggled his pointer finger.  
  
"'Scuse me. Fucking dolt."  
  
"Your cruel." 


	12. December 26: J’Suis Malade

December 26: J'Suis Malade

When Sirius awoke it took him a minute to register why he woke up and where he was. Someone was in his bed. No, not his bed; Remus' bed.

_/Oh, yeah/_ Sirius thought, _/I came in here last night. /_

He looked down and saw Remus curled next to him, his head resting on Sirius' shoulder, but he was awake; his golden eyes sparkling in the sunrise.

"Good morning," Sirius said sleepily.

"Morning." Remus turned away and coughed into a pillow.

"Feeling sick?"

"Yeah...Uh, maybe you should go. Don't want you to get sick."

"I don't mind. I never get sick anyway."

"Well, I don't want to take the chance." Remus coughed again. He pointed to the door, "Go."

"But," Sirius protested when Remus started pushing him away. "What am I supposed to do all day? Everyone left last night."

"I don't care what you do...Read or something."

"Read? Read! That's like a death threat."

Remus' eyebrows knotted together in confusion. "Why is that a death threat?"

Instead of going into detail Sirius just smiled, placed a kiss on Remus' forehead and said, "Get well soon—otherwise I'll die of boredom." And he walked out. Having no idea what to do he took himself through the many and lengthy hallways in search for something interesting.

When he was on the first floor his eyes were drawn into the living room. A box of some sort had someone in it and it was talking to him. Awed, Sirius took a step into the room wondering what device this was. He cocked his head in a dog-like manner. Sirius was so interested the talking box he didn't even realize the girl laying on the couch. He walked up to the box and touched it. A weird feeling shocked his finger.

"Hey!" Sirius shook his finger free of the sensation. He sat crossed- legged very close to the black box and stared; but after a while it hurt his eyes and he had to blink rapidly and look away. He scooted backward watching the mini-people move and talk.

When a girl on screen slapped a boy across the face, Sirius exclaimed, "Hey, that's not nice! He's your boyfriend!" A giggled erupted from behind and he twirled around.

"They can't talk back, Sirius."

"Renee." Sirius felt his face get hot from embarrassment. "I didn't think anyone was here."

"I'm quiet," She smiled. "If you were wondering, that's called a television or TV."

Sirius turned around and looked at it briefly before looking back at Remus' sister. "So that's what Lily is always jabbering about."

"Lily? Your girlfriend?"

Sirius laughed, "Oh yeah...As if. We hate each other. James, on the other hand, is in love with her."

"Well, do you have a girlfriend?"

"Aren't you married?"

Renee chuckled, "Full of yourself, aren't we? Don't get me wrong, I'm just a very curious person."

"A girlfriend?" Sirius held back a threatening smile. "Nope. No _girlfriend_."

"Really? I would've expected you to even have a couple of them."

"I get that a lot...wonder why...," Sirius added sarcastically.

"What about Remus?"

Sirius' heart pounded, "What?"

"Does Remus have a girlfriend?"

Sirius let out a breath he didn't realize he was even holding. For a second he could've sworn she asked him if he was going out with... "Oh, uh, no. He doesn't."

Renee sighed deeply, "Figures."

"Why? He could if he wanted to. He just...doesn't want one...a girlfriend..."

Renee snorted, "He'll forever be a virgin."

"I wouldn't put that past him."

She looked at him skeptically. "Are you saying—no, he's only fifteen, he couldn't... wouldn't..."

Well, if that's what she wanted to believe, Sirius wasn't the one to dampen her spirits. So, instead of replying he turned back to the television, and watched a bunch of muggle girls talk happily to each other over school.

"What is Hogwarts like?"

Sirius looked back at the woman. "Hasn't Remus told you?"

"No... we're not exactly...close."

"Your not? I thought brothers and sisters—wait, I have no right to speak about that. My brother and I don't exactly see eye-to-eye either."

"Sounds familiar." Renee rested her head in her palm. "So what is Hogwarts like?"

How do you describe such a place? "Uh, big and...um, roomy...?"

Renee's eyebrow raised. "That's very descriptive."

"There's no real words to describe it," Sirius racked his brain for impressive adjectives. "A tremendous stone castle full of nagging teachers and bothersome kids all fighting with each other with a passion. All surrounded by the ceaseless grounds, home to the Forbidden Forest and enigmatic lake." Sirius restated everything in his head. Sounded right, little corny, but still right.

"Sounds amazing..."

"My favorite place in the world." The two sat in silence only listening to the conversation on the TV.

"Sirius," Renee seemed very uncertain, "Did you..." She stopped.

"Did I what?"

"Nevermind." She leaned back resting against the back of the cream couch.

Sirius scowled. "I'm not a person to 'nevermind.'"

She gazed at the black-haired boy momentarily. "Last night...before I went to bed I talked to Remus...He had on this Celtic-looking necklace with this black sphere hanging from it..."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "I've noticed. But...why does that matter?"

"Because he didn't have it on before Christmas. So where would've he gotten it from?"

"Curious. I wonder who got it for him."

"Hmmm." Renee stood up and walked to a small bookcase and pulled out a rugged, leather-bound book. She flipped its contents and stopped at one page and handed it to the teen on the floor. "Look familiar."

Sirius looked at the picture. The Christmas present he gave Remus, shown brilliantly in the volume. Sirius tried reading the caption underneath, but with his luck it was in French.

"It's the Aisling-Loit. If you knew Gaelic that would be dream-destroy in English." She grabbed the book from his hand and started reading.

_/L'Aisling-Loit a été fait pour Maeve Astley la femme qui a eu des cauchemars terrifiants au sujet de son mari qui a été assassiné horriblement. Elle a découvert le Neamhnuid Artan enfoui dans les régions irlandaises. Elle a remonté une armure filetée avec de forts liens celtiques étreignant le Neamhnuid Artan avec lui. Elle a réalisé que quand les deux sont remonté correctement ils créent un lien spécial émettant une forte puissance qui transforme toutes les mauvaises et désagréables pensées en pensées agréables et heureuses. Seulement cent ont été faits et sont extrêmement valables et rares. Par après cinquante trois ont été brisés. Si on pour trouver un beau morceau, le prix serait dans les dix milles facilement./  
_  
Sirius looked at her stupidly. "I have no clue to what you just said."

Renee translated for him. "The Aisling-Loit made by Maeve Astley, the woman who had terrifying nightmares about her husband who was murdered gruesomely. She discovered the Neamhnuid Artan deep in the Irish grounds. She put together a threaded weave with strong Celtic bonds clasping the Neamhnuid Artan along with it. She realized, when the two are put together correctly they create a special bond emitting a strong power that turns all bad and unpleasant thoughts into pleasing and happy thoughts. Only one hundred were made and are extremely valuable and rare. Over time fifty three have been shattered. If one to come across such a beautiful piece, it would be priced in the ten thousands easily."

Sirius mouth dropped to the floor. "Ten...ten thousand?"

"Exactly my point." She closed the book and put it back on the shelf. "So Sirius, where would my brother find such an expensive item?"

"No idea," Sirius choked. _/Ten-fucking-thousand/_

"Don't give me this shit, Sirius." Renee rounded on him and pulled on his shirt collar threateningly, pulling him eye level. "I know you gave it to him and I want to know where in the hell you got it. To be perfectly honest with you, I think you stole it."

"_Stole it?_ I don't steal things!"

"I know about your family, the Blacks. Rich, yes, but rich enough to buy a ten thousand plus dream catcher for a poor lonely werewolf? I think not."

"How did you know I knew about Remus being a werewolf?"

"I'm not as dumb as I may appear. You have many dirty little secrets and you better start 'fessing up."

"I don't have any secrets!"

"What about where you got the Aisling-Loit? Hummm? Why are you really 'friends' with Remus? What does he offer you that James doesn't besides a nice scare once a month? Why don't you and your brother see eye-to-eye? Why do you hate your parents? Why do you call Remus 'Moony?'" Renee paused. "Or what about what you and Remus were really doing last night before dinner?"

Sirius looked into her brown eyes full of hate. "You don't know anything."

"I saw you myself when you gave James your present and it wasn't last night. Care to enlighten me in your little rendezvous with my brother?"

"Fuck you."

She let go of his shirt and threw him onto the couch. "Don't fucking play games with me, Black. I'm Remus' only sibling, so if I have to act like the savage brother I will. Especially now that Remus won't be able to come down since he's so sick."

"Oh, I'm so scared." Sirius mocked shaking in fright.

Renee pulled out her wand and shoved it under Sirius' chin. "Dare to repeat?" Sirius shook his head. "Good, now answer my question."

"Which damned question?"

"About last night." She answered clearly irritated.

"OH, you know...the usual." Sirius grinned maliciously. "Doing the Unspeakable."

"Bastard."

"You can call me any names in the book and it won't make me the least bit flustered."

She disregarded his last statement. "You're a liar. Remus isn't like that."

"Like what?" Sirius asked innocently.

"He doesn't like other men."

Sirius laughed. "Sure, whatever. You and Remus don't even talk so how the hell would you know?"

She looked highly offended. "Va te faire foutre, abruti! You couldn't even imagine what this family has been through, so don't talk about us like we're completely divided." She jabbed him in his Adam's apple making him gag. "Where did you get the dream catcher?"

Sirius clamped his mouth shut and said nothing until she poked him again, harshly. "Don't do that!" He jerked his head away from her and shifted his body under her weight and managed to jump to freedom.

He was almost out the door when something hit him hard in the back.

* * *

"I'm sorry I had to do that, Sirius."

Sirius opened his eyes slowly and tried to recall what just happened. "Stupefy." He concluded.

"Quite a handy spell." His eyes landed upon his miscreant.

He sat up and smacked her across the face. "Shouldn't have pissed me off, Renee. I don't usually believe in hitting but when it comes to bitches I tend to bend that belief."

She rubbed her face gingerly. "You are some piece of work."

"Finely crafted." Sirius added standing up.

"No, greatly flawed." Malicious brown met infuriated gray-blue. "You're not leaving this room until you tell me the truth."

"Fine. It was a family heirloom and my uncle gave it to me. Satisfied?"

"Not quite." She pulled Sirius down so they were face to face. "Don't you dare fuck up my brother's life. If you truly love him and he loves you, make him happy. But if you don't really have any feelings for him...don't break his heart pretending you do." She touched Sirius' face gently and left.

"Talk about a someone who has major mood swings." He said to himself.

"I heard that!" She called back.

"Well, you do!"

"Never said I didn't!"

Sirius shook his head in incredulity. "Must be a Lupin trait."


	13. December 26 ½: Scarlet Tide

December 26 ½: Scarlet Tide

Remus stood by the window gazing out over the trees. It was quiet except for the occasional burst of wind that would vibrate the window. He was content, so content in fact he didn't notice Sirius enter the room until he wrapped strong arms around his waist.

"Feeling better?" Sirius asked placing a kiss on the other teen's neck.

"Lots better."

"You look healthier. You were all pale and coughing up your lungs and—"

"You don't have to describe it again."

Sirius looked at Remus' face. "What are you looking at?"

Remus ignored him. "Can you see thestrals?"

Sirius was caught off guard. "What?" Remus untangled himself from Sirius' arms.

"Thestrals. Great big skeletal horses with leathery wings. Kinda frightening but they have their own sense of beauty."

Of course Sirius had heard of them, but seeing them? He had learned about them a couple of months ago and was fascinated of the fact they were the ones who pulled the presumably horse-less carriages. The only thing about them that creeped him out was that you had to see someone die to see them. "No, I can't see them."

"Every now and then a thestral comes around here. Every Christmas."

"Why?"

"Why?" Remus laughed but did not smile. "I have a theory but unless they start talking I'll never know for sure." He stared back at Sirius who seemed bewildered.

"So you can see them?" Sirius asked as his eyes trailed Remus' form move to his bed.

"I suppose you could say that." Remus responded. "First time I saw it I was eight." Remus chuckled at bit, "Scared the shit outta me. It came up behind me and licked my hand. Oh, I probably flew ten feet into the air." For the first time that night he smiled a true smile. "Named him Rome and he knows it too...I think." His eyes were once again out the window and seemed to be following something. Sirius followed his gaze and wondered if the thestral was there.

Sirius cleared his throat noticeably that caught Remus' attention. Cautiously Sirius asked the one question that had bothering his mind excessively. "Who...who did you see die?"

Remus was so startled by the question that he flew backward and fell off the other side of the bed. He peeked over the edge with wide eyes.

"I'm sorry," Sirius apologized even though a smile was pulling at the sides of his mouth. "You don't have to answer that." He looked away quickly and started for the door.

A slender hand grabbed his own. Remus led him out of the room, down the stairs, and grabbed two cloaks from the hangers. He threw one over himself and the other over Sirius. Remus opened the back door, grabbed Sirius' hand again, and led him around the house to a bundle of trees. They stood there for awhile; wind whipping their hair into their faces. Sirius was about to say something when he felt something brush against him. He recoiled into Remus.

Remus smiled and took the hand he was holding and brought it forward. Sirius' hand collided with something—not particularly soft but not terribly course. Remus' hand moved Sirius' down, picked it up, and followed the same path.

It was the most bizarre and most extraordinary sensation Sirius had ever felt. Something that was so clearly there and palpable, but yet not. He could feel the bones and hair and used his imagination to come up with a mental representation. He closed his eyes and let his sense take him away.

Remus' voice snapped him out of his reverie. "Do you want a ride?" Sirius looked at him incredulously.

"You can ride these things?" He felt a puff of breath on his hand from the invisible horse.

Remus nodded. "Just like horses," Remus replied hand moving in the air in a scratching motion. "'Cept they have wings. It may be a little awkward for you since you can't see him—"

"I'd love to."

Remus' eyes brightened. "Alright, I'll help you up." The tawny-haired guided Sirius and kept murmuring directions on how to mount the thestral. In due time, Sirius was on, blue eyes clamped shut and adrenaline pumping. Remus slipped behind him and wrapped his arms around the other boy. "You better put your feet behind his wings." Sirius turned around awkwardly and gave him a blank look. "Sorry. I forgot you couldn't see him." Remus let go of Sirius and placed his feet where it was best.

"You don't know how awkward this feels," Sirius commented, "and looks." He glanced down—flying in midair it seemed.

Remus smirked, "Thestrals have an amazing sense of direction. Tell them any place in the world and they'll find it. You, uh, better hold on. And close your eyes." Sirius grabbed a handful of mane and squeezed his eyes shut. Remus whispered, "Parc D'Espirt," and wrapped his arms tightly around Sirius and rested against him. Sirius felt a lurching feeling and almost fell off. It was a little fast for him and he started feeling sick. All of a sudden the speed died down and Sirius took a chance to glance down only to abruptly close them again.

"Awfully high." His voice was slightly high-pitched. Remus just incoherently muttered something into his back. A little nervous Sirius started humming a seemly perfect song at the moment. He felt, rather than heard, Remus laugh.

"'Flying Without Wings?'" Remus placed his head on Sirius' shoulder and Sirius could feel amber eyes staring at him. "You do know that you /are/ flying /with/ wings?"

"Yeah, but I can't see them, so I'm flying without wings." Sirius opened his eyes and made sure he didn't them wander downwards. "So what's this Parked Sprite?"

"You'll see."

"But I wanna know now."

"We're almost—"They were thrown downward and the sickness that had occurred earlier came back. Sooner than they expected and much to Sirius pleasure they stopped. He felt Remus slide off first and then Sirius scrambled off as well, going in ankle-deep snow.

"Fantastic." He said sarcastically while trying to shake out the snow in his shoes. Remus walked away and Sirius hastily followed. While walking Sirius tripped over something buried in the snow. Cursing to himself he brushed off the blanket of snow to see what he tripped on. It was a stone—a very flat, engraved stone.

Sirius read aloud, "Jean-Baptiste Dorset—Repose en paix—1898 to 1935." Sirius turned to Remus who was watching him closely. "Were you aware that we're walking on dead people?"

"Quite aware." Remus continued striding through the snow.

"What does 'repose en paix' mean?" Sirius asked catching up to his guide.

"What do you think?"

"I dunno...Rest in peace?"

"Very good."

For the rest of the walk they said nothing out of respect. Sirius could tell Remus had been here before by the way he expertly wove in and out of the tombstones. Sirius was right beside him when Remus started answering all of Sirius' unasked questions.

"You're wondering why I brought you here." He sighed. "I trust you...so I'll tell you everything." He sighed one more as in for preparation.

"First of all you asked who I saw die and that's why we're here. The who and why will come later. I was seven when it happened—exactly eight years ago from today, the 26th of December. I never told you, but that was the day I was bitten, so I'm not as fond as Christmas as you are. And let's just say I was lucky." He stopped walking and faced another snow-covered plaque. Sirius looked down at it but the name wasn't visible. He swooped and once across the stone and immediately saw 'Lupin.' He wiped the rest of the snow.

"Who is Romulus Lupin?" Sirius asked trying to read Remus' blank look.

"My brother."

Sirius gaped at him dumbfounded. "Brother? You had a brother?"

"You know the mysterious boy in the hallway?"

"No way...he's your brother?" /Now why didn't I think of that? Kinda obvious./

"Bingo. That's why everyone was a little hesitant about it. He was the shining star in the family and would've been the only one who would've amounted up to something. But he died when he was only fourteen."

"Alright...so I now know the who, but what's the why?"

Remus at down in the snow and brought his knees to his chin.

"That Christmas we had the whole family and a bunch of friends over for a big party. Next day everyone was tired so we laid around all day. My sister told stories to me all day as well and I didn't mind until she started telling a story about werewolves. 'Scariest things in the entire world. Humans who'll transform into wild beasts and hunt down and kill any living thing that comes their way.' That's what she said but with more brutality.

"She knew I was scared so she kept going. Renee said that there was one in out backyard and came scratching at the back door every full moon, trying to get in and eat us. And it would do so that night. All the while my brother was listening and tried to tell me that it wasn't true and not to believe her. So I took his advice—except that he happened to be the one that was wrong.

"That night I tried to ignore my sister's whispers of 'he's going to get you' and 'I hope you made out your will.' I went to the back door several times to make sure it was locked and Renee saw me once. 'He's out there, Remus, watching you—waiting for you.'

"Next thing I know the door is being opened and I'm being pushed outside. I looked back at her and saw her locking the door. I started screaming and pounding on the door; telling her to let me in—she just smiled, waved, and walked away. I continued pounding, hoping that someone else would come, but they never did. I didn't know what to do."

The truthfulness in those words was what shocked Sirius the most. How could such a thing happen—and to a nice, innocent boy? What did he do to deserve it?

"I hid behind the bushes for awhile. I was so cold I could barely think and I thought definitely couldn't move. But I heard something moving toward me and I bolted, surprisingly enough. Turned out to be nothing, but it jolted my memory and I remembered why I was so scared.

"I was outside for about two hours and no one realized it—everyone except my brother. My sister later told me he tore through the house looking for me. When I heard him unlock the doors and call my name it was the happiest moment—until I saw something in the corner of my eye. Romulus saw me and walked over to me. He said something but my mind was concentrated on the slowly approaching shadow. I...I tried telling him, but when I finally got my mouth to open—it attacked him... I saw one pool of blood and fainted—obviously not for very long. I woke up because of this continual drip on my face.

"My brother was holding me so tightly—so scared. He was bleeding so much, he was in pain but he picked me up after awhile and walked toward the house. We never made it in time—"

Remus' voice had a constant cracking when he talked. Although he was not crying, he obviously found great pain in his words. Remus may not have been crying, but Sirius had a steady stream running down his cheeks.

"He dropped to his knees and stood me up. He said, 'Go inside, lock the door, tell mother and father and everyone else I love them.' He hugged me as tight as possible. He smiled at me, even though he was sobbing. I turned to leave and came face to face with glowing yellow eyes and snarling sharp teeth. Of course, as you very well know, I didn't get out unharmed."

Unconsciously, Remus grabbed his right shoulder. Sirius laid one of his on top of Remus' with tenderness.

"The wolf would've killed me, but somehow my brother got me away—I don't know how because the pain occupied every part of my mind. The last thing I remember was my brother telling me he loved me—and then...he died.

"That's not how the story is supposed to go. Remus is the one who is supposed to die."

After everything was said Remus never shed a single tear. Sirius thought of how strong he must truly be and how he can hold all his emotions in without driving himself insane. And here is Sirius, who had no relation to Romulus, crying a thousand tears. Sirius had no idea what to say or if he was to say anything at all. What Sirius didn't expect was that there was more to the story.

"I woke up a few days later in a hospital—alone. I was seven years old and no one was there. I cried for my family every night. They never came. My aunt, Sophie, and Uncle Pierre came, however. They got me out of the hospital and took me to their home.

"One day later was my brother's funeral. I saw my parents for the first time. They disregarded me like I was scum of the earth. I never felt so alone in my entire life.

"When they did finally speak to me, it was not a 'how are you?' or a 'thank god you're alive and okay.' It was more like 'why didn't you just die instead of burden us even more?'"

"You've got to be kidding me," Sirius interrupted. "So all this time I've been here they've been putting on an act?"

"No, Sirius," Remus sighed. "They are nice people. They haven't said nor done anything to me since that day my aunts, uncles, and the Lefebrves yelled at my parents for being idiotic and selfish. My parents think I don't remember anything from that day, but I remember as if it were yesterday." Remus trailed off looking rather depressed.

Sensing that there was more, Sirius said, "Anything else?"

"Unfortunately," Remus looked deep in though, "Mum and Dad were really upset and needed to take their anger out on someone—to put the blame on someone. That someone just happened to be me. After the burial my dad humiliated the hell out of me.

"He took me to the front of the crowd and got everyone's attention. He had a bruising grip on me so I couldn't run, but I still tried. Very loudly and very clearly he said, 'The reason you are all here today is because of the person in front of me. Because of his stupidity and lack of common sense he put himself and Romulus in death situations. If he was not outside—Romulus wouldn't have gone looking for him or have gotten killed. How can such an innocent face like this really be a monster—at killer?' And he left, with me weeping on the ground and the crowd in an uproar. No matter how many people said to ignore him—that I wasn't a killer and it definitely wasn't my fault Romulus was dead—I couldn't forget what he said. So for years I blamed myself.

"It was the hardest thing going back home. No one talked to me. But one of the maids, Alexandrie, took me into her care. She let me watch her clean and cook, and when she wasn't busy she taught me English. She was the one who would come and get me after each full moon and heal all my wounds. I sometimes like to think of her as a second mother, which in a way she is.

"Something snapped between my parents a year later. They started including me in the family once again. They pretended it never happened, that they never had an older son. Just two children, one daughter, one son. Even to this day they try to hide the fact that they /did/ have an older son.

"Everything got ten times better when I was accepted into Hogwarts. My parents were so happy. That day was sort of the turning point in our relationship and we became really close. And what do you say? We lived happily ever after, and what not..."

"That was quite a story, Moony," Sirius said standing up and pulling Remus up.

"I thought it was," Remus replied brushing off the snow.

"It's all true, right?"

"Every word—nothing left out."

"I have one question, though," Sirius stated hesitantly. "Did you ever tell anyone about your sister being the one who locked you outside in the first place?"

Without answering Remus started retracing the path they took awhile ago. It was getting late and a light snow was starting to fall. Sirius took Remus' silence as a no and left it at that. It wasn't until he ran to Remus' side that he realized that the amber eyes had silent tears flowing from them, creating a river down his cheeks. Sirius threw a comforting arm around his lover as they walked back to Rome, who thankfully was still there.

After mounting, Remus looked back at his brother's grave and said quietly, "Repose en paix, mon frère. Merci d'avoir donner ta vie pour la mienne. Je t'aime." _(Rest in peace, my brother. Thank you for giving your life for mine. I love you.)_

And for a fleeting second Sirius could have sworn he saw a real life form of the boy in the picture. The famous auburn hair, brown eyes, and soft smile. But if was so brief, Sirius couldn't be sure he actually saw it. He looked behind him to see if Remus saw it as well—but he was sound asleep.


	14. December 27: Shadow of the Moon

December 27- Shadow of the Moon

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY!"

"I didn't mean to!"

"DIDN'T MEAN TO? HOW CAN YOU NOT 'MEAN TO?' ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND NEVER OPEN IT!"

"She had her fucking wand jammed down my throat!"

"Like she would really kill you!"

"Please, Remus. I didn't—"

"If you dare say 'I DIDN'T MEAN TO', I will hurt you badly!"

"I'M SORRY! I WAS A LITTLE PISSED OFF! She accused me of stealing!"

"STEALING? Stealing what!"

"I'm not going there."

"The hell you're not! Don't piss me off today. You know what I'm like the day of the full moon and this isn't helping!"

"Jeez, quit acting like a bitchy wife."

Slap.

"That did not go well..." Sirius sat on the floor rubbing his reddened cheek. "Three and a half days and he's already mad at me. I'm definitely not starting this relationship right."

* * *

"Remus, nous devons parler." His mother said with a firm expression. _(Remus, we need to talk.)  
_  
"Je sais ce que tu vas dire mère, mais économise ton souffle. Ce n'est pas vrai alors oublies ça." Remus replied. (_I know what you are going to say mother, but save your breath. It is not true so just drop it.)_

"Nous avons des raisons de croire que c'est vrai. Pourquoi Sirius inventerait-il quelque chose d'aussi gros?" His father stared at his now quiet son. _(We have reason to believe that it is true. Why would Sirius make up something this big?)  
_  
"C'est un abruti." (_He is an asshole.)_

"C'est la vérité la vérité?" Joseph asked. _(For telling the truth?)  
_  
"Non, c'est un mensonge!" _(No, for lying.)_

"Démenti?" Desiree asked her husband who nodded his head. (_Denial_?)

"Je ne démenti pas! Je ne suis pas intéressé par les gars comme cela!" _(I am not in denial! I am not interested in guys like that!)_ His parents shook their heads. "Cessez de me regarder comme cela! Je jure que cette maison est maudite! D'autant plus depuis que Romulus est mort!"_ (Stop looking at me like that! I swear this house is messed up! Especially since Romulus died!)_

That's it, he said it. The thing that has been wandering in the back of his mind since yesterday was now out in the open. But his parents looked anything but pleased.

"I thought we told you never—"Desiree started.

"—to mention him." Remus finished with a grimace. "Yeah, yeah, I know. But don't you think eight years is little long to try to push something out of your mind that you know will never-ever go away?"

"It was away, right until now."

"Well good for you, Mother, for denying the fact you ever had a real son."

"You are my real son."

"Bull shit real. I'm your fucked up one that will never even be able to compare to Romulus."

Desiree grabbed her Remus' face roughly, tears stinging her eyes. "You are not messed up. You are different, just because you are a werewolf. But that doesn't mean you won't amount to something. Look at your grades, highest in your year. You're handsome, kind, and warmhearted. One flaw doesn't make who you are unless you let it take over your life. You have everything going for you. Looks, intelligence, stamina, and a good heart. That's all you need in life, and you have it." A tear slid down her powdered face.

"Whether," Remus asked carefully, "Sirius is in it or not?"

"Either or."

Remus looked at his feet and whispered, "Je l'aime, mère. Vraiment et autant que je souhaite que ce ne soit pas vrai, mais ce l'est." _(I love him, Mother. I truly do and as much as I wish it wasn't true, it is.)_

Joseph broke his silence, "Je suis désolé. Je ne le laisserai pas se produire." _(I am sorry. I will not let it happen.)  
_  
"Joseph!" Desiree shouted.

"Non. Il est déjà un loup il n'a pas besoin d'être chargé de quelque chose de plus mauvais encore." _(No. He is already a wolf he does not need to be burdened with something even worse.)  
_  
"Plus mauvais encore?" Remus shouted, "Vous pensez que c'est plus mauvais que se transformer en monstre chaque mois, sachant que vous pourriez très bien blesser ou même pire, tué quelqu'un? Comment pouvez-vous penser que c'est plus mauvais?" _(Even worse? You think this is worse than transforming into a monster every month, knowing that you could very well hurt or even worse, kill someone? How could you think that is worse?)_

"C'est chaque jour pour le reste de ta vie entière..." (_This is every day for the rest of your entire life...)  
_  
"I'm quite aware of that. And I'm quite aware of what I'm getting myself into, Father. You have never supportive in anything I've done. You said no to Hogwarts, no to staying at my friend's, no to going outside, no to telling people the truth, no to dating, and now no to possibly my only happiness I may ever get. You weren't even understanding when I said Renee locked me outside eight years ago!"

"Ne dis pas ça. C'était un foutu mensonge et tu le sais. Tu es allé dehors tout seul et quelqu'un s'est avéré à justement fermer la porte quand tu étais dehors. Si tu n'avais pas désobéi à moi ou à ta mère, Romulus ne serait pas mort." _(Do not bring that up. It was a fucking lie and you know it. You went outside on your own and someone happened to lock the door while you were out there. If you had not disobeyed your mother or myself, Romulus would not have died)_

"And there it is! The guilt trip! Years later you told me it wasn't my fault! But it's still there! You still think I'm the one who killed him!" Remus bellowed.

His father yelled back. "Tu agis en essayant de nous mettre à dos. Tu prétend être avec Sirius juste pour désobéir. Peut-être tu pensais qu'il était et serai le seul à se soucier. Alors tu le prends meme si ce n'est pas ce que tuveux vraiment."_ (You are acting out trying to get back at us. You are pretending to be with Sirius just for the hell of it. Maybe you think he is the only one that really cares and ever will. So you'll take him even though he is not what you really want.)  
_  
"C'est des conneries et vous le savez!" _(That's bullshit and you know it.)  
_  
"Is it, Remus?"

"YES! I would never get back at you with something like this! If I were to get you back, it'd be a lot harsher and crueler."

"Like what?"

"Like not restraining myself tonight. Just to see what happens." He smiled cruelly.

"You do, you'll be sent to death."

"Like you'd care." Remus stalked out of the room. Once he was hidden safely in the bathroom every tear he held back came tumbling out.

/_On top of broken trust _

The lessons that you taught me

I learn were never true

Now I find myself in question

They point the finger at me again

Guilty by association

You point the finger at me again/

"How can you hate someone so much but still love them?" He asked himself and was startled to receive an answer.

"Can't hate family, no matter how hard you try." It was a higher pitched voice.

Remus looked for his speaker but found no one. He asked himself an experimental question just to see if they'd answer back. "But can you push them so far that'll they'll eventually hate you back, so it'd be even?"

"No."

Once again Remus looked behind the curtain, cabinets and outside the door and found no one. "Who the hell is talking back to me?"

"You're fairy godmother."

Remus laughed. "I'm sure."

"Well, maybe just your maid." A woman stepped out from the darkness. How did Remus miss her?

"Alexandrie." Remus acknowledged wiping the tears hastily from his face. "Are you sure you can't hate family?"

"Positive."

For a moment Remus thought about saying she was right, but then he thought of Sirius. "I have to disagree with you."

"And why is that?" She asked politely, wiping the rest of Remus' tears away with a cloth in a very mother-like way.

"Because I know someone who hates his family and his family hates him. Not one ounce of love in the hate-hate relationship."

Alexandrie put away the cloth and held Remus' face with her hands. "I guarantee Remus, that Sirius loves his family."

"How did you—"

"Gosh, I overhear so many things it's unreal." She smiled.

Remus shook his head of light brown hair. "I still don't think Sirius—"

Alexandrie put a finger to Remus' lips to silence him. "I don't know French all that well being from England, but over the years I've caught on. Il t'aime et tu es sa famille." _(He loves you and you're his family.)_

Remus smiled. "I guess your right. We are family in an odd sort of way."

"And I think you should talk to him." Alexandrie pointed upwards. "In your room he waits."

* * *

Remus knocked on the door, but got no answer, so he let himself in. It was his room after all.

He found Sirius lying on his bed asleep, looking more angelic if possible. Remus couldn't help but stare, his mouth hanging open. He tucked a straying midnight hair from a dozing face. The man who occupied his dreams and fantasies was lying here so helpless; Remus couldn't resist.

He grazed their lips gently but a hand behind his head pushed the kiss deeper. Remus opened his mouth slightly from the unexpected event which Sirius quickly took advantage of slipping his tongue in the cavern tasting every taste which was completely Remus' and a little bit of chocolate.

Lips bruised and out of oxygen, Sirius had to push Remus away before he asphyxiated.

"I'd like to wake up to that every morning." Sirius commented.

"That could be arranged." Remus smiled.

"Wait," Sirius lifted his eyebrow. "Aren't you mad at me for telling your sister about us?"

"I was. But I don't care." Remus turned completely solemn and held his heart as if in pain. "My heart aches and I think I finally figured out why. For the past two years you've stolen a shred of my heart everyday. And now...you've stolen every shattered and demented piece."

The raven-haired boy smiled softly. "Je t'aime, Remus." Sirius said gently, wrapping an arm around Remus' waist.

"Je t'aime, Sirius."

/_Problem 358 solved... 1,232,348 left.../ Remus sighed heavily. /I'll deal with my parents tomorrow...Right now, Sirius is all that matters and all I care about.../_


	15. December 28: Welcome to My Nightmare Par...

Feh.... The songs are by Linkin Park.... LP has very dramatic songs so perfect for this chapter... The first song is System, then With You. The parts from the songs (which are edited to fit) are actually Remus thinking. Oh, and just a reminder it's the day after the full moon...  
  
Just to make things a little more interesting and different it's in Remus' POV which furthermore resolves issues from previous chapters and shows his true feelings.

* * *

December 28: Welcome to My Nightmare Part 1

* * *

/_You fell away  
  
What more can I say  
  
The feeling's evolved  
  
I won't let it out  
  
I can't replace  
  
Your screaming face  
  
Feeling the sickness inside  
  
Why won't you die  
  
Your blood in mine  
  
We'll be fine  
  
Then your body will be mine  
  
So many words  
  
Can't describe my face  
  
This feeling's evolved  
  
So soon to break out  
  
I can't relate  
  
To a happy state  
  
Feeling the blood run inside  
  
Why won't you die  
  
Your blood in mine  
  
We'll be fine  
  
Then your body will be mine  
  
Why is everything so fucking hard for me  
  
Keep me down to what you think I should be  
  
Must you tempt me and provoke the ministry  
  
Keep on trying, I'm not done so easily (I will not die)  
  
Why is everything so fucking hard for me (I will not die)  
  
Why is everything so fucking hard for me (I will not die)  
  
Why won't you die  
  
Your blood in mine  
  
We'll be fine  
  
Then your body will be mine  
  
Why won't you die  
  
Your blood in mine  
  
We'll be fine  
  
Then your body will be mine/  
  
_--  
  
_Sirius?  
_  
Ten hours ago he was perfect and unflawed.  
  
"_Sirius?"  
_  
Nine knots of black hair tinged with scarlet.  
  
_Dammit! Open your eyes._  
  
Eight ways of looking at this situation...all ending the same exact way.  
  
_What did I do?!_  
  
'Seven minutes'...hold the best times close to the heart.  
  
_What the hell..._  
  
Six thoughts running across the mind: blood, murderer, kill, guilt-ridden, destruction, and death.  
  
_Don't leave me...  
_  
Five fingers held tightly in between his.  
  
_I've already given up so much in life and I'm not giving up on you_...  
  
Four teardrops flow down a panicky face.  
  
_....I love you  
_  
Three cuts across his face.  
  
_He looks just like Romulus that night..._  
  
Two eyes that won't open.  
  
_Not again, not now, not when I'm finally happy...  
_  
One heart that will never beat again.

* * *

/_Cold sweat...terror.... and realization...Dream, just a dream...thank god.  
  
I woke up in a dream today and put my cold feet on the floor. I tried to forget all about yesterday. I remember I'm pretending to be where I'm not anymore...A little taste of hypocrisy, I'm trapped in this memory, and I'm left in the wake of the mistake...  
  
Damn, stupid motherfucking Mère et Père.../  
_  
"Nightmare?" When in the hell did I start having nightmares? I grabbed around my neck and felt nothing there. Merde...Did I lose it? Searching frantically around my bed, under the covers and pillows, finding nothing. I did, however, find the man of my demented nightmare lying peacefully asleep curled up in every single cover clinging to them possessively with an impressive hold. As hard as I tried, he wouldn't sacrifice one sheet.  
  
What do I tell Sirius when he wakes up? 'Uh, Sirius, it seems that between last night's full moon and this morning...I lost your Christmas present you gave me...' Maybe Alexandrie took it off me when she was healing my injuries...  
  
I stepped out of the room with little pain, and managed to fall over clutching the 'little pain' when slipped on something lying in the middle of the hallway.  
  
"Merde. Double merde." I cursed holding the throbbing of my arm, which had tried breaking my fall but met its fate by breaking for the second time in the past twelve hours.  
  
So now I lie here, in the middle of the hallway, arm broken, in pain, and something hard sticking into my ass...that sounded like something Sirius would find very amusing since he has such a perverted mind...  
  
Reaching underneath myself, I pulled out to find...a camera? What the hell? I hurled the 'mother effing' object down the hallway where it met /its /fate by breaking into pieces in the much similar way my arm did seconds earlier. Serves it right. I laugh. Ha ha....Ya, whatever.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
I lay all the way on my back and looked up the most handsome creature on this planet. "I was studying the carpet, Padfoot, just to see if it'd start to unravel."  
  
"Any luck?"  
  
"Like boiling water. Doesn't boil if you watch it."  
  
Sirius smiled his gorgeous toothy smile, which is very infectious and spreads onto my face as well. "Need help?"  
  
As I was opening my mouth to respond he hooked his under my arms and pulled me to my feet. He obviously didn't realize my forearm was shattered until I cried out in pain and fell into his embrace.  
  
"What's the matter?" He questioned his sapphire eyes peering into my own.  
  
"Arm is broken." I choked; he was just too ravishing for words and my eyes always seemed magnetically drawn to him despite any situation. He held my left hand with his own left and took out his wand with the other. "Do you always go to sleep with your wand?"  
  
"Which one?" He smiled wider, while I just rolled my eyes. I tend to do that a lot around him. He answered, "Actually no, but I haven't taken off my clothes from last night," I looked his clothing, sure enough, he was still in the same dirty jeans and black shirt. "And my wand was still in my back pocket. I wondered why something kept poking me in the back last night...but I just thought—"  
  
"Don't you dare—."  
  
"—it was you." He started laughing.  
  
"You weren't supposed to finish," I informed. What a prat...  
  
He muttered an incantation and a tingling sensation flew through my arm magically mending itself. Charms for broken bones aren't necessarily better than potions, but they are better than nothing. His smile lightened, "What does this great day have in store for Monsieur Moony?"  
  
"This rather shitty day will consist of disputing with dear ol' Mom and Dad who are overcritical, insensitive, cold-hearted, heartless, unyielding, cold-blooded—"  
  
"Stop before you regret something."  
  
I snorted, "No, really, I don't mind putting down my parents." Truth be told, it hurts like a mo-fo when I condescend so low.  
  
Sirius just gave me a quizzical look that I fully ignored. Yes, I love him, but sometimes I wish he'd just go away. How many more days until we go back to Hogwarts? Seven? Eight? Errr.  
  
That's when that dreaded thought finally permeated itself into my head. Going back to Hogwarts would mean baring the truth to everyone. The hard- naked truth that Sirius and I are together. Not good. Not good at all. That would bring too much tension, too much loss of pride, too much isolation, and I'm already isolated enough. I don't want to be hated anymore. Being a Marauder makes me less liked by the teacher population, and the select few who aren't dumb and have figured out that I can only have two grandmothers die, try to distance themselves from me.  
  
James. James won't accept this. Sure, he normally welcomes abnormalities but this would turn out to be too abnormal. His best friends lusting over each other? Heh...I'm sure he'll be SO understanding. And whatever James thinks, Peter thinks. So, basically, I'm screwed over royally in the friends department.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
So what if I was staring off into space for the last five minutes? Does that automatically make me a mental case?  
  
"Hello?"  
  
Obviously it does.  
  
I tried smiling but it wouldn't quite stretch out enough. "I'm fine, Sirius. I just have a lot on my mind."  
  
"What's on your mind?" Relentless, I tell you! Completely and utterly relentless.  
  
"School." At least it's halfway true.  
  
"Don't want to go back?" He asked.  
  
"Nope." Not technically true because I would rather be there right now.  
  
"You'd rather stay here?"  
  
Damn. "Yes." Lie. Everything's a fucking lie, Sirius! Don't listen to me! He just smiled; again...You'd think his face would hurt from always smiling. "It beats my home," Sirius commented his eyes a little fogged over. That's never a good sign.  
  
"I highly..." Can't say doubt.... Can't say certain...Damn, cornered again. Luckily for me, he never noticed me saying anything. What's he staring at? Jeez, I'm jealous over a hallway getting all his attention. Why are we in the hallway anyway?  
  
Merde. I was supposed to find Alexandrie and ask her about the dream catcher. Merde. Double merde! I have too many problems happening at once. Funny thing is they all have to do with Sirius...  
  
"Hey, Sirius!" He snapped out of his reverie and looked at me eyebrows drawn together.  
  
"What?"  
  
What? Good question. "Uh, you....You look tired!" State the obvious... "You should get some sleep."  
  
"But it's noon." He countered, but I could tell that sleep sounded really good right now to him.  
  
"Yes, but an hour or two wouldn't hurt." I put on a fake smile and gently pushed him into the room. I walked him over to the bed and the back of his knees bumped into the side of the bedstead. As he sat down, he pulled me with him making me straddle his hips like a couple of days ago. He started putting fleeting kisses along the nape of my neck. No one can turn me into a pile of jelly faster than he can.  
  
I tilted my head slightly to give him better access. He bit and sucked at one spot for the longest time, but I had no complaints. Woo that's definitely going to leave a mark.  
  
Something knocked in my head. Neck, something was very wrong with that, maybe the fact that something was missing...Merde. I jumped back smiling slightly and ran from the room calling back to him, "I'll be back. Get some sleep."  
  
He muttered something unintelligible and I heard the bed squeak under his weight as he lay on it entirely.  
  
I ran all the way into the kitchen and almost ran into Mathilde, one of the many cooks.  
  
"Oi, Remus! Watch where you're going!"  
  
"Sorry." I looked around for Alexandrie. Not in here. "Hey Mathilde, do you have any idea where Alexandrie is?"  
  
She sighed. "That woman could be anywhere at the rate she moves."  
  
"You mean like a kid on speed?"  
  
She laughed. "Exactly. But if I were to guess where she was, I would say were you spent last night." The cook's expression mellowed.  
  
Of course, the 'cage.' I told her thanks and went outside. It was blistering cold and windy. I tried rubbing some heat into my arms but only got a shot of pain from the previously broken one. I saw small footprints in the inch snow running from the stairs into the trees. I followed their path, stepping where she had stepped making the prints larger.  
  
She was there in the 'cage' cleaning 'everything' up. Very sad, really. The moment she turned around she jumped in fright.  
  
"Make some sound or something. Just don't stand there." She said pushing the bucket and cloth out of my view. She must think I get woozy at the sight of blood or something. She just stared at me. "Some specific reason you're here?"  
  
"Oh, yeah. You know the necklace I was wearing?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Do you know where it is?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"That's great." I turned to leave but she grabbed me...on the left arm. Yes, I yelled, and yes, she was a bit perplexed, but the look was quickly erased when she remembered this morning.  
  
"Still hurts."  
  
"Yes." She just nodded her head.  
  
"Well, if you ever want to come outside again, put on a coat." And she turned back to her previous work.  
  
Fantastic. Two mothers. I wonder what she would think if I told her about Sirius...  
  
"Is there a reason you are still here, Remus?" Alexandrie didn't look at me as she scrubbed the floor.  
  
Courage. That's what I needed for Christmas. A big, fat pile of courage.  
  
"I know about you and Sirius."  
  
Damn. I didn't think we were that loud or noticeable.  
  
"And if you're wondering, I don't mind."  
  
That started getting me to breathe again.  
  
"But," She finally faced me, eyes locking on mine. Why can't I breathe? Just say it and get it over with, Alex! Oh, no. Why is she rounding on me? She stood right in front of me and put her hands on my shoulders. "This is so hard." She said.  
  
Fuck, here it comes, something bad. I closed my eyes waiting for the harsh words to come.  
  
"I think your sister has your necklace." I opened one eye and then the other. That was definitely not what I expected.  
  
"What?"  
  
"She was in your room this morning and when I took you up to your room you still had it on."  
  
I was starting to get very angry. Very, very angry. "Really? Quite interesting..." My jaws clenched together. Why would she want it, it has no value to her.  
  
"I think you need to know something else." Her green eyes wouldn't let mine look away. Once again, I tried bracing myself thinking she'll say the worst. "The necklace is worth over ten thousand galleons."  
  
That was definitely the worst. Ten thousand? NO way...I'VE BEEN WEARING A TEN THOUSAND GALLEON NECKLACE?! Dear god.... "Thanks for informing me, Alexandrie." She nodded once and headed back to cleaning.  
  
Where in the hell did Sirius get such an item? I'm way to tired for this. I must be dreaming. Wake up, Remus, pull yourself together! Ten thousand...NO! Must not think about the price. Ten, zero, zero, zero. One, zero, zero, zero, zero. Damn zeroes! ERR...  
  
As calmly and rationally as I could I walked back into the house, digits running through my head. I saw my mother (I feigned sleepiness); saw my father (said f-you); saw my sister's husband, Isaac, and decided to talk to him since he is my sister's husband he'd have to know something.  
  
When he caught his first glimpse of me he jumped out of his chair. Knowing the fact that I'm a werewolf, and was one just last night, didn't help his nervous shivers.  
  
"Where's Renee?" I asked politely, even trying to smile a bit even though he doesn't deserve it. He didn't answer me putting me even closer to the edge of losing it. "Don't know? Or did I bite off your tongue last night?" His face fell, his eyes widened. Well, I thought it was kinda funny.  
  
When he finally spoke it was very soft and any normal human being wouldn't have been able to hear it. "She's out in town."  
  
"Ah, I see. Why?"  
  
"Store."  
  
"Pawn shop?" Why isn't he saying anything? He's supposed to say 'no, Remus, of course not. She had to get stuff for the baby.' "HELLO? EARTH TO ISAAC!" Nothing.  
  
Oh, shit. Shit, shit, shit. She can't, she wouldn't... "Please, Isaac, tell me!"  
  
He spoke once again a little more louder, but his voice shook so it totally gave him away. "I'm sorry, Remus, but I can't tell you."  
  
This is one of those times that I'm glad I'm a werewolf. I stomped over to where he was seating and brought my face to his. "Tell me now." I growled.  
  
Apparently I had the right effect. "She went to sell something. She didn't tell me what though."  
  
Yeah, right. Not believing that for one second. "What is she going to sell?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Yes, you do."  
  
"No, I don't."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"FINE! FINE! I DO, OKAY!" Werewolf-one, loser-zero.  
  
"Well, tell me!"  
  
"Something called the Ass-Lot or something..."  
  
WTF??!?!?  
  
"Right, and this thing would be...."  
  
"A necklace of some sort."  
  
"Damn! Why the hell didn't you stop her!?" Anger level reaching peak. Danger! Danger!  
  
"Because it was yours." Oh, piss me off anymore loser-man and you will pay.  
  
"And because it was mine, you let her?"  
  
"I don't like you. Or any of your people."  
  
"My people? What is that supposed to mean?!"  
  
"Monsters...and..." WHAT THE HELL!? HE KNOWS TOO!? My personal life is now officially public.  
  
Just then Renee had to appear. Happier than ever.  
  
My fear that my sister was put on this earth to make my life hell was confirmed.  
  



	16. December 28 ½: Welcome to My Nightmare P...

Remus' POV.

* * *

December 28 ½: Welcome to My Nightmare Part 2

* * *

"Nice mark you got there on your neck, bro."  
  
Die.  
  
"You and Sirius must have a had a good time..."  
  
Fucking die.  
  
"Aren't you going to say something?"  
  
Yes, you will die a most painful death.  
  
She looked at me with a fierce smile spreading across her face. "What is the matter with you? Cat got your tongue? Or perhaps Sirius has got your tongue?"  
  
That's it. You will die, Renee, but a murder does not go unplanned if I plan to not get caught.  
  
I stalked away...but not after slapping my sister square across the face. Which, I might add, left a big red mark. I get a certain pleasure when I see my sister cry.... Wonder why?  
  
"You little hellion! Get the hell back here!" Oh, big words coming from a man who shakes in fear when he sees me. But, no, I don't think I'll go back in there. If I do they're will be more than a slap coming for my sister. So instead, I stomped all the way...into my father. Fantastique.  
  
"Je dois vous parler." He said. _(I need to talk to you.)  
_  
"Um, no." I continued walking, but my father caught up with me and pulled on the back of my shirt. I really don't mind just taking off my shirt and squirming away but I didn't this time. Let my father think he is really talking to me when really I am planning my sister's funeral.  
  
"Vous avez plusieurs jours encore jusqu'à ce que vous alliez de nouveau à Hogwarts." _(You have several days left until you go back to Hogwarts)_

Let's see...Muggle way or wizard way? Muggle police would be easier to deal with...

"Je ne veux pas voir Sirius dans votre chambre pendant ce temps, puisque je vous ai découvert pour sembler dormir dans le même lit." _(I do not want to see Sirius in your room during that time, since I found out you seem to be sleeping in the same bed.)_

Gun? Knife? Other? Mmmm.... Choices, choices... Lots a weapons out there...

"Comprenez-vous?" _(Do you understand?)_

I think a knife will do quite nicely...

"REMUS!?"  
  
I snapped my head up and looked at my father's angry face. "What!?"  
  
"Do you understand?!"  
  
"Understand what?"  
  
I think that vein in his neck is going to pop out. "Have you been listening to me?!"  
  
"Of course." Not.  
  
"Then what did I say?"  
  
Oh no. Caught in the act. "You...uh, asked me if I understood."  
  
"Before that."  
  
"Remus."  
  
"Before that."  
  
"Oh, I have no idea." That didn't help the vein in his neck at all.  
  
"Remus..." I thought the growling was my thing... "Écoutez-vous jamais moi?" (_Do you ever listen to me?)  
_  
"Yes, I'm listening to you now."  
  
"Pourquoi ne parlez-vous jamais en français?" (_Why don't you ever speak in French?)  
  
_"Because I don't want to."  
  
He sighed heavily. "I knew you shouldn't have gone to Hogwarts."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"It means you've totally forgotten where you're from."  
  
"Trust me, the Slytherins tend to remind me every chance they get by calling me Frenchie."  
  
"That's absurd."  
  
I just raised my eyebrows questioningly. "Why is that absurd?"  
  
"Why would anyone call you that?"  
  
Well, I could think of several reasons, but then I would have to explain the concept of the Marauders. "They aren't very nice people."  
  
He just nodded his head. "About what I was saying earlier, which maybe you'll listen if I talk in _your_ language, I don't want Sirius in your room."  
  
"Whatever." I wasn't agreeing but he took it that way. He nodded approval and walked off. Yeah, Sirius won't ever come in my room again...Snort.  
  
And just my luck...My dear old sister whom I love so very much....ha... hahahahahahaha. Yeah, right. Well, she found me. Oh, joy.  
  
"Remus John Lupin! How dare you!"  
  
"How dare I?! NO, NO, NO! How dare YOU! You stole my necklace and sold it!"  
  
"Well," she smiled. Why was she smiling? Someone please tell me why! "You didn't need such a precious item in your possession."  
  
"Says who?"  
  
"Hey. Ten thousand is ten thousand. Besides it was from Sirius."  
  
"YES! From Sirius to ME not you! So it was mine and you had no right to take it!" Oh no, why are tears forming? NO! I will not cry! I haven't cried since...okay two days ago, but before that it was seven years!  
  
"Sirius stole it, Remus, get that through your head!"  
  
"Sirius would never steal anything!"  
  
"He did for sure steal something."  
  
"He didn't fucking steal the necklace!"  
  
She paused. "No?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"But he did steal you." And she walked away. I always knew my sister was strange but this...this is just...off the charts strange. I swear she has a split personality.  
  
Why is everything so complicated? Everything was fine a month ago, but then James and Sirius just had to come to France...and then Sirius just had to...make my life better but yet destroyed it all.  
  
My parents are mad at me for loving Sirius.  
  
My sister sold the necklace Sirius gave to me.  
  
Friends will hate me because I'm with Sirius.  
  
I'll be an outcast because of Sirius.  
  
Sirius is the center of my problems. But maybe none of that truly matters.

* * *

"I'm looking for a necklace that can catch dreams."  
  
He looked at me quite strangely. "Nothing like that here."  
  
"Thanks anyway."  
  
That was the fifteenth place I've been to. I probably should have forced my sister to tell me exactly where she sold it but I couldn't find her anywhere. I had to lie to Sirius, saying I went to the grocery store with my mom. But the next problem was actually getting my mom to come with me. Which wasn't exactly as hard as I expected.  
  
_/"Mom, I need you to take me into town."  
  
"What for?"  
  
"I need to get my necklace back."  
  
"Where did your necklace go?"  
  
"Renee sold it."  
  
"WHAT?! Get in the car."/  
_  
Too easy. But now my mother has me in the car...alone, and she seems very keen in asking me a bunch of questions, which I have no intention of answering...Until she pinches me then for some reason my mouth starts moving. Oh, the effect my mother has on me.  
  
"How long has this been going on?" No answer...Pinch.  
  
"Few days."  
  
"When did you first kiss?" Silence. Pinch.  
  
"The day before Christmas Eve."  
  
"When did you first notice you like other guys?"  
  
"WHAT? I...well...er, I..."  
  
"It's a simple question." A simple question yes, but not a simple answer. True be told, I have no freakin' clue when.  
  
"I don't know..."  
  
"How far have you gotten?" Not going there. Pinch. Nope, not going to say. Pinch. OW. Fine. A little white lie never hurt anyone.  
  
"Not very far." She didn't buy it. So, she started to cry. Joy. "Come on Mom, what's the matter?"  
  
Through tears she looked at me, "It's just...your getting so old."  
  
"Ah, jeez thanks."  
  
"It's just that it seemed like just yesterday that you were five..." She's now off in memory land. Mother has left planet earth.  
  
"That was only ten years ago..." She cried harder. "Come on Mom, we all have to grow up someday. Look at Renee, she's married and has a child." Okay, tears flowed even harder.  
  
She pulled up to another shop and took out the keys. She turned to me and grabbed my face and pulled me closer. "I love you Remus, no matter what. Even if you're with Sirius, as long as you're happy, I'll be happy. I may not exactly be fond of the idea, but I can't change you. I can't change anything." She wiped away her tears with the back of her hand. "Please tell me Remus, that you haven't done anything...permanent with Sirius."  
  
Permanent? What the hell does that mean? Uh...ug...no...She can't possibly...eh... "What do you mean 'permanent?'" I'm afraid I already know that answer.  
  
"Don't play stupid, Remus, it doesn't suit you."  
  
Well, I'm going to play dumb and you can't stop me. "I don't know what you mean."  
  
"Sex, Remus. Have you ever had sex with Sirius?" Thanks for being so blatant, Mom. This is a conversation I never wanted.  
  
"No." Well, that really depends what she considers 'sex.' However, she looked relieved. Whatever floats her boat. "Can we just go in?" She let go of my face and nodded. I shot out of the car like I just found out a bomb was in it.  
  
I walked through the door and immediately started looking around. And by god, there it was. I called my mother over and pointed in the case. "That's it."  
  
She walked over to the owner and started talking to him but I was a little preoccupied by the fact that it said fifteen thousand galleons and not ten. Not good. Not good at all. Merde.  
  
My mother's voice boomed throughout the store in rage. Double merde. My mom was trying to talk him into giving it back but it was no good.  
  
So I intervened. "Excusez-moi, monsieur, mais c'était pour mon fiancé. Ma soeur l'a accidentellement pris et l'a vendu à vous. Cela signifie tout dans le monde à moi, et aurait été un mariage actuel pour elle." My mom looked at me in awe. _(Excuse me, sir, but that was for my fiancé. My sister accidentally took it and sold it to you. That means everything in the world to me, and would have been a wedding present for her.)  
_  
"N'êtes-vous pas un jeune à se marier?" He replied looking me over. (_Aren't you a little young to get married?)  
_  
"J'obtiens cela beaucoup. Mais j'ai réellement dix-huit ans." _(I get that a lot. But I am actually eighteen years old.)  
_  
"Bien, j'ai peur que je ne puisse pas vous le donner." _(Well, I'm afraid I can't give it to you.)  
  
_"Mais, monsieur, svp j'ai besoin de lui. Si je ne le lui donne pas..." _(But, sir, please I need it. If I do not give it to her...)  
_  
"Je suis désolé, mais non." _(I'm sorry, but no.)_  
  
"Très bien, ainsi quand elle se tue finalement je vous blâmerai." _(Fine, so when she finally kills herself I will blame you.)_ He looked a little taken aback to say the least.  
  
"Ce qui?" _(What?)_  
  
"Elle a ces cauchemars terribles de quand son frère est mort. Elle se blâme de sa mort et menace de se tuer chaque fois que quelqu'un le mentionne. Elle continue à devenir plus mauvaise et plus mauvaise chaque nuit." _(She has these awful nightmares of when her brother died. She blames herself for his death and threatens to kill herself every time someone mentions him. It keeps getting worse and worse every night.)  
  
_"C'est terrible." _(That's terrible.)_  
  
"Ainsi allez-vous le donner vers le haut? Ou sa vie?" _(So are you going to give it up? Or her life?)_  
  
"Je ne peux pas le vendre." _(I cannot sell it.)  
_  
"Pourquoi la baise pas?" _(Why the fuck not?)_  
  
"Il n'est pas en vente, monsieur. Je suis désolé au sujet de votre fiancé, mais je ne peux pas vous le donner." _(It is not for sale, sir. I am sorry about your fiancé, but I can not give it to you.)  
_  
I put on the saddest face I could muster and made myself shed tears. "Si elle finit vers le haut des morts je reviendrai et vous tuerai. J'ai déjà été en prison une fois pour le meurtre essayé et je vraiment ne m'occupe pas de retourner." _(If she ends up dead I will come back and kill you. I have already been in jail once for attempted murder and I really do not mind going back.)  
  
_At first he didn't believe me. Can't blame him though... But I gave him an evil smile reserved for the Slytherins and he stood back quickly and ran to the glass case and grabbed the dream catcher.  
  
"J'ai besoin de l'argent en arrière. Vous pouvez l'avoir pour le même prix mais j'ai besoin de l'argent en arrière." _(I need the money back. You can have it for the same price but I need the money back.)  
_  
Shit. I hadn't thought about that. But no need, my mother quickly pulled out a card with our bank account number. Works like a muggle credit card, but actually transfers the coins to the place it was used at. Did I ever say I loved my mother? Because I do. I truly, truly do. She muttered something under her breath about getting the money from Renee when she was done.  
  
The man handed me the dream catcher making sure he didn't touch me in the process. I grinned evilly at him and glared daggers at him.  
  
We left the store smiling, the dream catcher glimmering in the sunset.  
  
I am a very good manipulator and I have a quick mind.  
  
That is why I am a Marauder. 


	17. Remix December 28: Everything Evil

A/N: This chapter takes place the same time as the last two chapters on December 28. It's Sirius' POV instead of Remus' to furthermore give a more interesting prospect of things.

* * *

Remix December 28: Everything Evil

* * *

_"Nightmare?"_  
  
Who? Wha? Huh?  
  
HEY! Who's trying to steal my blankets?! Ung. Leggo of my covers Mr. Blankie-stealer!  
  
Whoever tried to steal my covers gave up. Good, because I'm not a morning person and if they managed to get one from my grasp there would seriously be a breakfast brawl.  
  
I heard the door creak suggesting someone leaving. Then a loud plunge and a curse. Of course—Remus. So innocent and pure but can produce a long string of vulgarity. And in several different languages as well.  
  
Somehow, I have no idea how, I pulled myself out of bed and walked to the door and saw my sandy-haired lover lying on the floor staring at something down the hallway.  
  
"What are you doing?" I asked. He lay down on his back and stared at me, his hazel eyes glowing in the sunlight.  
  
"I was studying the carpet, Padfoot, just to see if it'd start to unravel." He answered. He thinks he's so clever...Heh.  
  
"Any luck?"  
  
"Like boiling water. Doesn't boil if you watch it."  
  
I smiled at him. "Need help?" I pulled him up to his feet but I was startled when he yelped in pain. "What's the matter?"  
  
"Arm is broken." He said simply. I thought the maid, Alex-blah-blah, healed it...oh, well. I pulled out my wand from my back pocket and held it to his arm. "Do you always go to sleep with your wand?"  
  
"Which one?" Me and my innuendoes he he..."Actually no, but I haven't taken off my clothes from last night and my wand was still in my back pocket. I wondered why something kept poking me in the back last night...but I just thought—"  
  
"Don't you dare—." Oh but I do dare.  
  
"—it was you." He he, I love the look he's giving me.  
  
"You weren't supposed to finish." When will he ever learn? I don't listen, plain and simple. Finishing the task, I muttered the incantation I learned from Madam Pomfrey to heal breaks in bones.  
  
After that was done and over with I asked him, "What does this great day have in store for Monsieur Moony?"  
  
"This rather shitty day will consist of disputing with dear ol' Mom and Dad who are overcritical, insensitive, cold-hearted, heartless, unyielding, cold-blooded—"  
  
"Stop before you regret something." Something being everything you just said.  
  
"No, really, I don't mind putting down my parents." Yeah, sure.  
  
He looked at me quizzically his eyes seeming distant. He was thinking about something that was for sure. "Are you okay?" No answer. "Hello?"  
  
"I'm fine, Sirius. I just have a lot on my mind."  
  
"What's on your mind?" I know you and when you drift off it's not something good.  
  
"School."  
  
"Don't want to go back?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"You'd rather stay here?"  
  
"Yes." Good thing I'm not the one answering these questions. Truth be told, I want out of here and back in the castle. That bitch of a sister he's got preoccupies my mind 24/7. Her freaking split personality drives me insane and knowing that she is the reason why Remus is a werewolf doesn't help at all.  
  
"It beats my home," I commented. At least it's true. If I had to choose between here and my home I would definitely stay here.  
  
"I highly..." Doubt that? Feh. Good thing he never finished because he would've gotten an earful. I looked down the hallway and saw something in pieces on the floor. Interesting...  
  
"Hey, Sirius!" Aye?  
  
"What?"  
  
"Uh, you.... You look tired! You should get some sleep." I should get some sleep? What about him?! He looks dead with those rings around his eyes not to mention he's really pale.  
  
"But it's noon."  
  
"Yes, but an hour or two wouldn't hurt." He 'smiled' at me and started pushing me back into the room. Ah, so he wants to be dominant. I see.  
  
He pushed me back onto the bed, so I pulled him along with. This brings back nice memories. Gently caressing his neck with small kisses and nips I produced several satisfied moans.  
  
All of a sudden he jumped up and said quickly, "I'll be back. Get some sleep." And he was out of the door before I could protest.  
  
"You need sleep more than I do." I gave up and decided to take a short nap.

* * *

Five o'clock?!? Oh, not good. Why didn't anyone wake me up? Feh.  
  
I rubbed my eyes and looked around expecting to see Remus somewhere reading or something. But no, he left me a note on the bedside table instead.  
  
_**S—  
  
Went shopping with Mother. Be back soon.  
  
Love R  
**_  
Well at least he said love. Pfft. Might as well go get something to eat in the meantime.  
  
As I was walking down the hall the thing that was broken still lay in pieces scattered across the floor. I squatted down and picked up the largest piece, a lens of some sort. Must be a camera. Oh well, not my problem. The lens fell from my hand and split into thirds when it hit the floor.  
  
I continued down the stairs when something suddenly clicked in my head. Early that morning after we just barely fell asleep I woke up to something. Something being a very quick bright light. I thought it was the sun, but not anymore. Did someone take a picture?  
  
I swear if this has to do with Renee, she's SO dead.  
  
I'll kill her, bring her back to life, and kill her again.  
  
Torture, guillotine, hanging, poison, knife, gas, electrocute, or magic.... Choices, choices... Ah, the wonders of muggle ways to die.  
  
In my mantra of 'she's dead, she's dead' I had the 'she' come into view. Well 'she' is going to lose her head if 'she' dares to even talk to me.  
  
Shit, she spotted me. Run!  
  
I turned around and walked the other way. She yelled my name several times but for the time being I seemed to have lost my hearing...Hmmm... I guess her screech of a voice destroyed it.  
  
OW! What the fuck hit me?! Errrrr.  
  
"You little dumbass, you better stop."  
  
Strike 1.  
  
"What do you want, Sister Satan?"  
  
"Mature, Sirius."  
  
"Never said I was." Two can play your game Princess of Darkness. Don't underestimate me. I may appear and act dumb but I assure I'm actually quite smart.  
  
"I wanted to show you something." Satan said.  
  
"That's great. But I don't want to see your collection pitchforks."  
  
"Son of a bitch. Quit that!"  
  
"Careful your horns are starting to show." And I'm not joking either. Her hair seems to stick up right where they should be.  
  
"Why do you hate me so much? After our little feud? You're such a baby."  
  
Perfect opening, Lucifer. And now you're going to regret that.  
  
"Why do I hate you? That's not hard at all. You're a bitch, first of all. You're mean to Remus and he doesn't particularly care for you and I always take his side. Second, you're mean to me and I treat people the same way they treat me. Not to mention screwing up Remus' entire life."  
  
"Oh, that's it? I thought Remus would've told you..." Apparently she didn't get the hidden meaning in the last part.  
  
"Told me what?"  
  
"Oh nothing, nothing at all."  
  
Strike 2.  
  
"Did you even listen to everything I said?"  
  
"Bitch, mean to Remus and you, screwing up his life. Got it." She gave me the evilest grin around. Only she can make it look like she's insane while giving off the hint that she's constipated as well.  
  
"What do you think I meant by the last part?" If she's a Lupin she should at least be halfway smart.  
  
"I don't know. Personally I think you like putting things on my shoulders just to get even or something." But then again she did marry into another family and Isaac isn't the brightest crayon in the box.  
  
"You know what you did, don't deny it." Otherwise I will flip out and be facing murder charges.  
  
"I don't know what the hell you are talking about besides the fact that I make his life a little harder. Yes, I pick on him and yes, I do tend to hurt him mentally and physically. It's for his own good."  
  
Strike 3.  
  
"For his own good?! Why the hell do you think it's good?! You don't think he has it hard enough being what he is and going through all that pain every full moon?! The people who figure it out look at him like he could kill at any moment and they never talk, touch, or go near him. He's isolated from half the student body at Hogwarts. Only the people who actually read and know the truth about werewolves are his friends. He's smart, attractive, and hard working but that won't really matter when he finally gets out of Hogwarts because everyone will treat him like dirt and won't see him for who he truly is! He would've been something great but because of his condition he's held back from the rest of the world and the life he could've had until you fucked it up for him!"  
  
Holy shit. Did I just say all that? Need to breathe...  
  
"What do you mean I fucked it up for him? I didn't do shit!"  
  
"Except lock him outside and not let him back in."  
  
She looked at me for a second her eyes wide, she lifted her hand back ready to strike but I moved out of the way before she could hit me. Tears started appearing and pouring over but she still had the sinister look steaming in her brown eyes.  
  
"I'm glad I sold that dream catcher you gave him." My face fell. What?! "Don't look so surprised, Padfoot. I do believe that's your nickname. You and he had it coming. Both of you will never make it in this world. But you have a better chance alone than you do together." She pulled something out of her pocket and flicked it at me.  
  
That time she did accomplish smacking me across the face. Surprisingly enough, it didn't hurt. I couldn't feel anything but those words slamming into my brain over and over. I couldn't comprehend anything else.  
  
It hurt. It hurt worse than when my parents would hit and criticize me. Something in the way she said it made me feel sick. Sick because...  
  
Maybe she was right.  
  
I gazed down and saw a picture of Remus and myself sleeping. We looked so comfortable and happy. Can I really take that all away though? 


	18. December 29: This Love

A/N: At the beginning it's still the 28th but it's near 11 at night and slowly progresses into the next day...BTW This has got to be the fluffiest thing I've ever written...  
  
December 29: This Love

* * *

When Remus got home he couldn't find Sirius anywhere. In fact he couldn't find anyone. His father was called into work, Renee and Isaac went home to tend to Jules, and the maids all retired for the day.  
  
"Are you sure you looked everywhere?" Desiree asked. "Sirius is probably hiding somewhere. I mean look how many places you found and always hid from us." She smiled at the memories. "You always went outside if I remember correctly."  
  
"Why would he go outside in below zero weather?"  
  
"Why did you?"  
  
Remus thought about that for a moment. "To get away from everything, I suppose. But why would Sirius want to get away?"  
  
"Find him and ask him yourself." Desiree walked away leaving Remus in the middle of the hallway alone.  
  
"Problem is I can't find him," Remus commented to himself. "The last time he disappeared no one found him until he wanted to be found."  
  
But Hogwarts was bigger and had more secret entrances and rooms than Dumbledore knew himself. Chances of finding Sirius were easier here than there. And Remus knew all the best hiding places from experience.  
  
So he decided to go with his mother's idea and look outside. Surprisingly or unsurprisingly, Remus found Sirius huddled on the ground next to a tree. The same tree where they first kissed.  
  
"Sirius?" The black-haired boy made no notion that he knew of Remus' presence. "Sirius, talk to me." Remus took Sirius' hands and laced them with his. Sirius must have been out here awhile because his hands felt like ice. Remus rubbed their hands together to create friction so some warmth would be restored. All the while, Sirius never once looked at the auburn- headed boy.  
  
"What happened?" Fear flowed through Remus' veins. "If someone did something..." Sirius still didn't answer. Remus sat down snow chilling his body. He watched Sirius closely, every breath, every eye movement, every shiver.  
  
"How can something so right, be so wrong?" Sirius asked finally, still not lifting his head up to look at Remus.  
  
Remus brows furrowed. "What?"  
  
"Us. It feels right to us, but to everyone else it's wrong."  
  
"Since when do you care what other people think?" Remus tilted Sirius' head up with one finger. "You're thinking too much. Trust your heart, your brain can deceive you."  
  
Sirius averted his gaze. "My heart wants what's best for you. What will make you happier in life—"  
  
"What will me make happier is you. Shit, Sirius, when I think about it, before I met you my life was so boring and predictable. You are unpredictable, exciting, and wild. Add James and you've got one hell of a mix. I don't even want to know what life would be like without you two. But now you're more than just a friend and that makes my life even better. So what you're saying about what's best for me, it's nothing that I don't already have."  
  
Sirius' blue-gray eyes shined in the darkness. "You always know what to say don't you?"  
  
"Quick mind."  
  
"That's why you're a great Marauder." They say great minds think alike.  
  
Remus smiled briefly but it was quickly replaced with concern. "Why are you out here?"  
  
Sirius once again dropped his head. "Just wanted to get out."  
  
"Liar."  
  
"Okay, so I had a little fight."  
  
"With Renee." He said it as a statement not a question.  
  
"Yes." Sirius took a deep breath and met Remus' gaze fully for the first time. "She sold it and she liked the effect it had on me—"  
  
"Wait, Sirius, don't worry about that." Remus smiled and pulled the necklace out of his shirt and displayed it. "I got it back."  
  
A smile forced itself on Sirius' face. "That makes me feel a bit better." He toyed with the sphere on the end of Remus' necklace.  
  
"She said something else then?"  
  
Sirius nodded. In a mocking-voice he repeated what she had said earlier, "'Both of you will never make it in this world. But you have a better chance alone than you do together.'"  
  
"Bitch." Remus stood up abruptly and grabbed Sirius' hand and yanked him up as well. "She's gone to far. It's one thing selling the present you gave me but another when she says we shouldn't be together to your face..."  
  
"Uh, Remus...What are—"Sirius was tugged forward vigorously. "D-Don't do anything drastic."  
  
"Oh, of course not," He replied his voice laced with malicious laughter. "My wolf instincts are just getting the better of me right now."  
  
"Wait, look Remus, maybe this—whatever you're going to do, isn't the best idea." Remus stopped and glared at Sirius for the briefest moment. "I mean look at you, you're acting—"  
  
Before Sirius knew what hit him, he was on the ground, his lips being crushed by another pair. Remus dragged his tongue along Sirius' bottom lip anxious for entry. Not one to turn down a request, Sirius parted his mouth invitingly. Remus' tongue shot in and explored Sirius' mouth and taking time to battle with the other. Sirius' hands buried deep into chestnut hair as one other hand tangled itself into his midnight locks, daring to push the kiss even deeper.  
  
Sirius felt like his lungs were going to burst and reluctantly pushed Remus away. Breathing heavily he asked, "Where did that come from?"  
  
Taking a deep breath Remus answered, "Frustration. Pent-up anger. Repressed rage. You know, the works."  
  
"That was the best fucking kiss ever. Where did you learn that from?"  
  
Remus smirked. "Ah, you know my ex's."  
  
"Oh really. And who would they be?"  
  
"Now why should I tell you?" Remus lay down on Sirius' warm body and rested his head on his shoulder.  
  
"Because I need to know these things. Tell me and I'll tell you. We have to share the roster." Sirius played with a curl of sandy hair. "I know about you and Holly. That was like what? Two years ago?" Remus nodded. "Right. And also Ella which was when you were....um, 14?" Remus shook his head yes. "And then also the same year was Liz. And that's all I know."  
  
"The only one you don't know about is Lara."  
  
Sirius sat up roughly holding Remus in the process so he didn't go flying back. He took his lover's face in his hands and said, "Lara? As in Lara Michel?"  
  
The werewolf took complete advantage of his position on top and slammed Sirius back into the ground. Remus then smiled sheepishly. "The one and only."  
  
"And you never mentioned this to me or James when she was here?"  
  
"No need. Lara told James when he was here. I thought Prongs would've told you, but I guess not."  
  
"That little dickhead didn't tell me! Ooo, he's so dead when I see him."  
  
"And do you know what I got from them all?"  
  
"A headache? 'Cause I certainly would have."  
  
"Yes. But something I noticed else. Name all of them in sequence."  
  
"Holly, Ella, Liz, and Lara."  
  
"Now take their first initial."  
  
"H, E, L, L." Sirius burst out laughing. "Oh my god, that's friggin' rich!"  
  
"And I must say it was hell."  
  
"It's hells now."  
  
Remus shook his head. "You're not an ex. And you may drive me bonkers sometimes, you never have made my life hell."  
  
"I love you." Sirius said with solemnity.  
  
"I know." Remus backed off the other boy and stood up. "Little cold don't you think?"  
  
Sirius eyes shimmered mischievously. "Cold yes..." He stood up grabbing a handful of snow in the process and concealing it behind his back. "But I have a feeling it'll get much colder."  
  
Remus eyed him curiously. Sirius smiled innocently and quickly grabbed the unprepared teen. Remus struggled against Sirius while Sirius brought the hand full of snow up to the hazel-eyed teen so he got a good look.  
  
"If you even dare—"Remus was cut off when Sirius instantaneously shoved the heap of snow down the back of Remus' shirt. He did a little dance trying to get out the snow as Sirius watched laughing wholeheartedly. Remus lost his footing and fell into the blanket of snow and glared at his boyfriend until Sirius stopped laughing. "You asshole. That was cruel."  
  
"Sorry." Sirius walked over to Remus and held out his hand. "It was funny though, you have to admit that."  
  
"I'll have to see about that." Remus took Sirius' outstretched hand and pulled him down to the ground. And before Sirius could comprehend what was happening, Remus shoved a bunch of snow down the back of Sirius' pants.  
  
"Oh, shit! Cold!" Sirius jumped up trying to dig out the blizzard that formed in his jeans.  
  
Remus laughed this time. "Yes, Sirius, I see what you mean. It is indeed funny." Remus fell back on the ground clutching his stomach.  
  
"Oh, ha ha. Damn, it's fucking cold!"  
  
"It's snow Sirius, what do you expect?"  
  
"For it to melt faster! Why isn't it melting?!" Sirius rubbed his backside.  
  
"Quit playing with yourself, Padfoo—OOF." Remus shook his head and a bunch of snowflakes hit the ground. "How dare you hit—"Sirius' snowball collided with the side of Remus' head perfectly. Remus glared at him evilly and Sirius' laugh was muffled when Remus' great aim served a snowball right in his lover's perfectly chiseled face.  
  
Sirius scraped the snow from his face and gathered snow in both his hands. "This means war."  
  
Remus ran away and ducked behind a tree and scooped up some snow. With perfect precision he hit Sirius square in the back of the head.  
  
"Oi! No fair! I wasn't—"Sirius was once again pounded with snow. And then another. And another.  
  
"You suck Sirius! You've only hit me twice and I've gotten you five times!" Remus peeked out from behind the pine but couldn't find Sirius anywhere.  
  
"Better run." Sirius remarked from behind. Remus turned around and got a face full of snow.  
  
"Er! You—!" Sirius barely let Remus remove all the snow before he flung another. "Okay! Okay! We're even!"  
  
"Can you not count?" Sirius walked over to Remus and gently brushed the side of his face with a cold finger. "You got me five times... I've only gotten you four times. How is that even?" Remus eyed the flakes in Sirius' ungloved hand.  
  
"It's close enough." Remus watched as the hand was brought up. He could feel Sirius' breath on his cheek and soft kisses trailing back to the secret spot Remus didn't even know he had. "Stop...distracting...oh, that's nice..." Remus' eyes fluttered shut reveling in the warmth Sirius was creating. The warmth that was quickly replaced by bone-chilling frigidity as the snow crashed into the side of his head.  
  
"Goddamn you Sirius!" Sirius smiled against the werewolf's cheek and then continued his previous activity. Remus' anger was quickly exchanged for desire. Remus' head fell back and Sirius promptly attacked the newly exposed flesh. "Sirius...shouldn't we...uh...oh..."  
  
Sirius pulled away and looked at his addiction, a smile playing on his lips. "You can't seem to finish sentences when I do that."  
  
Remus' head snapped forward and his eyes lazily opened. "You tend to make every thought that appears in my head miscomprehended."  
  
"I'll take that as a compliment." Sirius leaned in and brushed his lips against Remus' before hastily stepping back. "My god, Remus, you're freezing."  
  
"Well, I wonder why. And you're no better by the way." Remus intertwined their frozen fingers and led Sirius indoors. By the time they stepped inside both were shivering and their teeth chattering.  
  
"W-why d-did we d-do that?" Sirius mumbled rubbing his hands together.  
  
"B-because we're d-dumb and young." Remus took off his jacket and Sirius' as well and threw them on the table. He walked off and disappeared into the living room. When Sirius managed to move his legs he sauntered in and what he saw made his jaw drop.  
  
Remus had no shirt on and the fire was flickering against his skin in the most brilliant of ways. Sirius could see every curve, line, and scar across his torso. His muscles moved underneath his skin in a mesmerizing manner as he poked at the flames.  
  
"I know you're staring at me." Remus remarked not even glancing in Sirius' direction.  
  
"You're a b-beautiful creature. It's h-hard not to stare."  
  
Remus threw the fire-poker aside and twisted around. "Take off your shirt."  
  
Sirius threw him a playful expression. "And w-why do you want me t-to do that?"  
  
"Nothing of what your perverted mind is thinking. You're shirt is soaked and you'll get a cold if you keep it on."  
  
"Alright. B-But you have to keep m-me warm." He smiled impishly before peeling off his sweatshirt and the one underneath. Remus watched him with fascination. "Like what you see?"  
  
"Uh..." Remus was quite aware that his mouth was hanging wide open but for the life of him he couldn't seem to close it.  
  
Sirius chuckled and dropped down noisily next to Remus; the fire worked its magic by sending heat throughout his entire body. "Do I have to take of my jeans then? You did shove a great deal of snow in them..."  
  
Remus' eyes went wide making him appear like he was a deer caught in headlights. "Uh, no...you...well, I..."  
  
Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Yes or no."  
  
"No...well, I suppose...yes..."  
  
"That was really hard for you to say wasn't it?" Remus looked another way and stared at the fire. Sirius shrugged and unbuttoned his jeans. He saw Remus' ears perk up like a dog. Chuckling to himself, he pulled down the zipper and wriggled out of his bellbottoms. Remus still wasn't looking at him, but Sirius could see that he was having a hard time breathing properly and his eyes were really shifty as if dying to turn around.  
  
"It's okay, Remus. It's not like I'm naked or anything." Sirius rubbed the auburn-headed teen's back and reveled in its softness.  
  
"Yes, but I have a bad feeling that if I do look, you soon will be."  
  
Sirius snorted. "Am I that damn sexy?" He joked.  
  
"Yes."  
  
Sirius chuckled. "I'm not the only one." He placed his head on Remus' shoulder and wrapping his arms around the smaller man. "You're so warm."  
  
"Well, I feel like I'm freezing. I wish I had my wand."  
  
"I don't. I like this way of warming up much better." Sirius grinned. "I feel surprisingly warm and I think taking off my jeans actually helped. If I recall you fell down, therefore, your jeans should be wet and you would be much better off...if they were off of you."  
  
"I don't trust you," Remus said. "And I don't trust myself either."  
  
"Ah, you think I'm naughty?" Sirius sniggered. "Well, Mr. Lupin I can be if you want me to be...Or I can be a good dog and leave you alone."  
  
"Is there anything in between?"  
  
"In between...like this?" Sirius pulled Remus backwards and kissed him deeply.  
  
"Mmm, something like that..."  
  
"I have no objections to that." Sirius laid Remus down gently and covered his body with his own.  
  
"You know...uh...how do I say this..."  
  
Sirius sat back on his heels and crinkled his eyebrows. "Say what?"  
  
Remus pointed off to the side. "We have company." 


	19. December 29 ½: Un, Deux, Trois, Quatre

December 29 ½: Un, Deux, Trois, Quatre

* * *

"Well, well. I certainly didn't expect this."  
  
"Hey...Marc..." Remus turned a deep crimson while pushing Sirius off of him and standing up. "Um, what are you doing here?"  
  
"Your sister told me to come over." He replied casually running a hand through his brown hair.  
  
Sirius saw the little twitch in the corner of Remus' mouth. Not good. Remus asked, "Why did she tell you to come over? She's not even here."  
  
"No, she said to check on you." Marc grinned. "But I guess there really was no need."  
  
"I never did need checking up on." Remus growled. "Did she give you any specific reason?"  
  
Marc frowned. "Actually she said you were sick. But I can tell you're not."  
  
Remus mumbled something that the other two couldn't decipher, but from the way he was grinding his teeth Sirius guessed it was along the lines of: 'That bitch, she'll die.'  
  
"Well sorry if I was interrupting..."  
  
"It's 2'clock in the morning, Marc." Remus pointed out.  
  
"Right."  
  
"So...my sister tells you I'm sick in the middle of the night...and you come right over?"  
  
"Uh...yes?"  
  
"Why are you really here?"  
  
"I already told you."  
  
"And I think you're lying, because I know you don't particularly care for my sister and why would you come twenty miles out of your way to tend to me when I've been sick so many times before? Not to mention in the middle of the night."  
  
"I'm...lonely?"  
  
"Really..."  
  
"Really."  
  
"Liar."  
  
"You know me too well." Marc displayed a toothy smile. "You're the only one that can intimidate me, you know that?"  
  
"It's a gift." Remus' lips curled into a small smile. He turned to look at Sirius and burst out laughing. He walked over to the couch and pulled off the wool blanket and tossed it to his boyfriend, who quickly wrapped it around himself.  
  
"So," Marc said looking at the boys, "are you two...a couple?"  
  
Remus and Sirius stared at each other for a second. Sirius responded, "...Yes?" Remus nodded in agreement.  
  
"Ah, well, that's great!" Marc replied happily patting Remus on the back.  
  
"Really?" Remus bit his lower lip.  
  
"Yes, really." The older man leaned down and went eye level with his cousin. "You don't know do you?"  
  
"Know what?" Remus asked.  
  
"Ah, hahahahahaha. Nothing, nothing." Marc waved him off with his hand. Remus and Sirius exchanged doubtful glances. Marc just smiled and threw a piece of crumpled up paper from his pocket to the fire.  
  
"What was that?" Sirius asked, watching the paper turn to ashes.  
  
"College admission. Well, actually college refusal."  
  
"You're a muggle?!" Sirius blurted. Remus covered his face in his hands, clearly embarrassed that Sirius missed such a detail.  
  
Marc looked at Sirius as if he were an alien. "Yes."  
  
"But—"Sirius mouth hung wide open.  
  
Marc laughed. "I come from the Fournier family."  
  
"Uh huh...and this would be?"  
  
"Remus' mother's family."  
  
"OH! I guess I just assumed that you were a Lupin."  
  
"Nope, Williams."  
  
"You just said...uh, Forner or something."  
  
"Mother's maiden name. My mother married and so her name changed."  
  
"I'm so confused." Sirius scrunched his face up in puzzlement. Not wanting Sirius to come off stupid since he really isn't, Remus intervened.  
  
"Oh, Sirius," Remus whispered walking over to the black-haired boy. "You must be getting sick." Remus dramatically put a hand to his lover's forehead and sighed. "Off to bed with you." He tugged at the two ends of the blanket around Sirius' neck and pulled him away from Marc. "If you want, Marc, stay the night. There's fifty-million empty rooms upstairs."  
  
Before Marc even responded Remus dragged Sirius out into the hall and all the way to his room. Remus pushed Sirius onto the bed and then disappeared out the door, leaving Sirius completely baffled. Remus then reappeared and then walked right back out the door.  
  
"Uh, hello?!" Sirius called. "What the hell are you doing?"  
  
"Nothing." Came a muffled response.  
  
"Wierdo."  
  
"I heard that."  
  
"Sometimes I wish you didn't have canine senses." Sirius was quickly getting colder and had to wrap the blanket tighter around his body.  
  
"You have them too. HOLY SHIT!" Remus' voice rumbled through the room and seemed to be farther away then before. Sirius' own canine senses heard whispering and muffled voices.  
  
"Remus?" Sirius got up and walked to the doorway. It was very dark and even the moonlight didn't shine through the windows. "Where are you?" No response. "This isn't funny."  
  
"I think it is."  
  
Sirius looked around in the darkness. That wasn't Remus' voice.  
  
"Very funny."  
  
That wasn't him either.  
  
"Come here, Padfoot."  
  
That was him though.  
  
"Who's with you?" Sirius asked still trying to see in the darkness.  
  
"Are you insane, Sirius?" Remus' voice sounded like it was in another room. So, trusting his dog-like hearing capabilities, he followed the voice to its owner. "You're taking forever. Hurry up."  
  
Sirius approached a door that was slightly ajar and heard shuffling feet from inside. He quickly flung open the door and was immediately pounced on and thrown to the floor.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL?!" Sirius yelled. He had no idea who it was but whoever it was, was a lot heavier than Remus. "Get off me!"  
  
"Oh, no, no! I don't think so!" The person on top of Sirius was most definitely male, but he talked in a girly voice—most likely to trick the dog animagus.  
  
"Get off of him," Remus ordered and the person automatically did as he was told as well as helping Sirius to his feet.  
  
"Can you turn on a light?" Sirius asked, feeling the wall over for a light switch.  
  
"Why should we do that?" The second unknown person spoke.  
  
"So I know who the fuck you are!"  
  
"You already know us." The male that talked like a girl said.  
  
"You should've figured it out already." Number two noted.  
  
"Well, I haven't! EEK!" Sirius yelped when a hand slid up his chest.  
  
"Shit, Sirius! Don't you wear clothes?!" Number one lost the girly tone and Sirius instantly recognized the owner.  
  
"Wait a minute..." Sirius flailed his arms and hit someone's head. He let his hands travel down until they collided with a thin strip of metal. He abruptly grabbed hold of the eyeglasses and tore them off their owner.  
  
"Oi, Padfoot! Give those back!" Sirius was hit several times in the head by the other's striking hands that were searching for their eye wear.  
  
"I don't think so...James."  
  
"Damn, you figured it out."  
  
"Nice impression of a girl..."  
  
"We were just trying to throw you off. Now give me my glasses!"  
  
"Why? It's pitch black. You don't need to have 20/20 vision in darkness. If you turn on the lights I'll give them back to you."  
  
"Can't. You have to figure out the other person."  
  
"Besides Remus?"  
  
"Besides him."  
  
"I need to hear his voice—his real voice."  
  
"Alrighty then. Speak ol' mysterious one."  
  
"Speak what?" His voice was higher than any normal 15/16 year-old.  
  
Sirius grinned. "Peter."  
  
As soon as he said that, lights illuminated the room. Sirius saw all three of his friends standing before him. Peter was squinting from the new light, Remus was smiling brightly, and James was still trying to pry his glasses from Sirius' hands.  
  
"What are you guys doing here!?" Sirius exclaimed with joy. "And in the middle of the night as well!" He threw James' glasses on the empty bed and watched the other boy retrieve them.  
  
"That's why Marc was here." Remus explained. "Apparently my parents invited them back over for New Years and they spent all day on trains and didn't get in until a couple of hours ago and then Marc picked them up."  
  
Sirius' face fell. "Wait, when did they actually /walk/ into the house."  
  
Remus saw Sirius' troubled expression and immediately knew that Sirius was afraid that they saw what Marc saw. "Don't worry," Remus whispered. "Marc brought them up here, and when he realized we weren't sleeping he went looking for us, and then found us in the living room."  
  
Sirius sighed audibly. "Well," he looked at the two new guests. "This is going to be one hell of a New Years."  
  
"That it will be, Padfoot." James' grin split his face in two. "So..." He threw his arms around Remus' and Sirius' shoulders. "How was Christmas without me? Boring, I bet. You probably missed me soooo much you didn't want to have any fun without me."  
  
Sirius snorted. "Hardly."  
  
"That hurts. That really hurts, right here." James' put his hand over his heart. He yawned widely and over exaggerated.  
  
"Sleep?" Remus suggested and everyone nodded. "Okay then...mmm...You can have this room James and Peter...you can have the one across the hall."  
  
"We get our own rooms?" Peter asked astounded.  
  
"You could have two rooms for all I cared." Remus replied.  
  
"Peter almost peed his pants when we walked up to your house." James informed. "I do believe he actually cussed. He said 'holy shit, that's one big house.' I'm I correct, Wormtail?"  
  
"Yes..." Peter mumbled.  
  
Remus laughed. "So, should we get some sleep?" They nodded. He turned to Sirius and whispered so only he could hear. "Go to my room."

Sirius winked and left. James saw this and asked, "You planning on doing something in our sleep?"  
  
Remus shook his head. "Oh, I dunno. Dump a bucket of cold water...shaving cream...mmm, you never know."  
  
"Gah, I'm locking the door."  
  
"Okay then. Sleep well." Remus gave him a twisted smile and left with Peter at his heels. When they were both out the door, it slammed and locked. "He's such an idiot."  
  
Remus opened the door in front of them and ushered the blond in. "Everything's here, bathroom is that door over there." Remus explained motioning to the wooden door on the right. "Where's all of your stuff?"  
  
"No idea, Marc said he'd take care of it." Peter responded sitting down on the bed.  
  
"Knowing him, he probably hid them in a closet or something..." Remus sighed. "I'll get them tomorrow. Good night." Peter muttered 'night' in return then Remus exited and pulled the door shut behind him.  
  
"Never in a million years..." Remus said to himself while entering his own room. He made sure the door was locked before crawling into bed and curling up next to the raven-haired boy.  
  
"So warm..."  
  
"Sirius," Remus whispered. Sirius eyes flickered open and fell upon his favorite pair of hazel eyes. "Why do you think James and Peter are here?"  
  
"Huh? I dunno, maybe because they weren't here for Christmas."  
  
"Do you really think that?"  
  
"Yes...You obviously have a different theory."  
  
"I just think that maybe my parents didn't want us alone anymore."  
  
"It could be a possibility..." An awkward silence crept through the room.  
  
"Are we going to tell James and Peter?" Remus asked, his voice breaking the odd stillness.  
  
"'Bout what?"  
  
Remus rolled his eyes and kissed Sirius roughly. "About that."  
  
"Oh...Um...Do you want to?"  
  
"I asked you first."  
  
"I dunno what to say...we can if you want, and we won't if you don't want to."  
  
"Well, what I want may not be what you want."  
  
"You're always one for equality, aren't you?"  
  
"Yes." Remus laid his head on Sirius' bare chest and closed his eyes.  
  
"I think..." Sirius paused and started playing with locks of auburn hair. "Maybe we should just let them figure it out by themselves. They're pretty smart, sometimes a little dense, but they'd figure it out eventually."  
  
"Okay...We'll let them figure it out all by themselves."

* * *

"HellooooooooOOOooooo!? Anyone in there!?"  
  
"Go away!"  
  
"Come on! We're hungry!"  
  
"Then go downstairs and get something to eat!"  
  
"It's eleven o'clock! You need to get up! What happened to you? You're always the first one up!"  
  
"Not today...uh...HAHA..."  
  
James turned to Peter and gave him a quizzical look. "Should we break down the door?"  
  
"I don't think Remus would appreciate that very much." Peter countered.  
  
"What about magic?"  
  
"Underage."  
  
"Suppose your right. Let's find Sirius." They pounded on the door that was supposed to be where Sirius was sleeping...but Sirius found someplace much more comfortable for the night.  
  
In the other room Sirius burst out laughing. "Haha! They'll never find me!" Sirius lifted the covers over his head and pulled Remus along with him.  
  
"I know we said that we'd let them figure it out, but don't you think that finding us together in bed will be a bit of a shocker?"  
  
"Shush. Don't worry about anything. You'll get up and leave and then go get the whining babies something to eat while I sneak into my room."  
  
"Alright." Remus made to get up but Sirius dragged him back down. "I thought you said—"  
  
"I know what I said, but until they start pounding on the door again I think we can use the time to do something...more useful."  
  
"I'm getting dressed." Remus struggled free and ran to his closet and pulled out an outfit. He quickly pulled off his shirt...wait, no—Sirius' shirt, that somehow he came to wearing last night... "Odd, I don't remember putting this on..."  
  
"Oh, yeah. You put it on after our mad love-making." Sirius snorted.  
  
"We did no such thing."  
  
"I know. But that's what was /supposed/ to happen..." Sirius let his eyes wander over Remus' toned chest appreciatively. He growled low in his throat.  
  
"Don't even think about it." Remus remarked pulling on a tight white undershirt followed by a red sweatshirt  
  
Sirius wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "I can take those off as fast as you put them on."  
  
"Wanna bet?"  
  
Sirius walked over to the other boy and slid his hands underneath the two fabrics. "How much do you want to bet?"  
  
"Nothing." Remus swatted Sirius' hands away. "If you forgot, Pete and Jamie are here. And another thing, I'm not ready for...that..." Sirius saw a rosy flush forming on his werewolf's face.  
  
"Oh I know that." Sirius smiled sweetly. "I just like to get you all flustered."  
  
"Well, you always succeed...And it's not like I've done anything like this before..."  
  
"What!?" Sirius' eyes widened. "Hold the ...what do you call it?"  
  
Remus shook his head. "Phone."  
  
"Right. Anyways, I thought you said you had...you know..."  
  
"What gave you that idea?"  
  
"Last summer." Sirius looked at Remus incredulously. Did he hear wrong last summer? "You said that you weren't a virgin."  
  
"I was joking!" Remus laughed but then recognized Sirius' face of oh-shit-I- so-screwed-up. "Did you...tell someone?"  
  
"Oh, no of course not." 'Except maybe your cousin and sort of your sister.'  
  
Remus saw right through his lie. "Oh no...nononononononono. I mean...I guess I'm not technically a...virgin because of you...but we haven't done...any of the 'joining bodies' thing." He went a deeper shade of red. "Who did you tell?"  
  
"Uh...Marc?"  
  
"Je ne peux pas vous croire ! Ah, non. Ce n'est pas bon. Le Marc ne garde jamais des secrets... que je suis ainsi condamné!" _(I can not believe you! Oh, no. This is not good. Marc never keeps secrets...I am so doomed.)  
_  
"Il sera bien." _(It will be alright.)  
_  
Remus looked at Sirius with bewilderment. "Did you just understand what I said?"  
  
"Um, not really." He grinned sheepishly.  
  
"Oh..." There were several bangs and yells at the door. "They call."  
  
"I'm surprised they've held out this long." Sirius' eyes were magnetically drawn to his lover's hands, which were sliding down his flannel pants.  
  
"I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't drool, Sérieux."  
  
Sirius eyebrows knotted together but his eyes never left the tantalizing hands and their ministrations. "Was that comment for me? Cuz the name at the end definitely wasn't 'Sirius.'"  
  
"Well, it was 'serious' but in French."  
  
"Ah..." _/I hate my name.../_  
  
"SIRIUS!? ARE YOU IN THERE?!"  
  
"Darn...they found me." Sirius slumped down on the bed and concealed himself in the soft comforter. He heard the door unlock, open, and then close again. He pushed the comforter down and peeked around the room—no one's there. Sleepy time.  
  
"So why exactly was Sirius in your room, and why is he still there?" James asked between mouthfuls of breakfast/lunch.  
  
"Hiding from you, to answer both questions." Remus answered, taking a sip of his drink.  
  
"Ah, well I can see why." Peter said, pushing his empty plate away.  
  
"And why is that, Wormtail?" James asked pointing his fork threateningly at the blond boy. "Sirius is lucky he has me, and he worships our friendship."  
  
Remus sniggered. "I'm sure he thinks that."  
  
"Okay, so that was a bit...exaggerated."  
  
"I would actually say," Peter added, "that it was the other way around. /_You_/ are lucky to have /_Sirius_/ and /_you_/ worship your friendship."  
  
"Pfft." James stuck his tongue out at Peter. "Anyways, what is it like here on New Years? I missed Christmas...boo...but New Years better have a big party or something."  
  
"Not really..." Remus moved his leftover food around on his dish. "I mean, no one is coming over like they do on Christmas. So it'll just be us four, my parents, and....uck, my sister and co." His face suddenly turned bright. "But, on the other hand, we could ditch them and do something more our age."  
  
"Alcohol?" James asked hopefully.  
  
"That's not exactly our age but I suppose I could get some."  
  
"It'll be a perfect New Years Eve...."


	20. December 30: Hit Me with Your Best Shot

December 30: Hit Me with Your Best Shot

* * *

"Truth or dare?"

"That's a dumb question, Prongs." Sirius smiled widely at his messy-haired friend. "Dare, of course."

"Alright then..." James looked around the room in thought. His eyes landed upon the young werewolf. "He he...I dare you to kiss Remus on the lips."

Sirius burst out laughing. "Alright, but I don't have to like it." Barely containing his giggles, he looked at Remus, his lover, who he was supposed to kiss... How odd that was...

Sirius could tell Remus was trying to look revolted at the idea, but with the smile creeping onto his face he didn't quite achieve the look he was going for. Sirius leaned over and stopped inches away from the other's face.

"Go on, don't be a chicken." James laughed at his two friends and was quite surprised when Remus didn't object to the dare.

"One question, though," Sirius said, not prying his eyes away from the golden orbs. "How long?"

"Oooo. Good question." James stroked his invisible beard while thinking. "How about one minute?" He glanced at Peter for approval who nodded his head.

"Think you're up to it, Moony?" Sirius asked with a wicked grin.

"Why not?" Remus grabbed a handful of black hair and met Sirius lips with his. James and Peter stared open-mouthed at their two best friends unbelieving to what they were seeing. James had never seen something so...passionate. And who said they had to use tongues?

After a minute was up, James called out, "Minute's up." But the two wouldn't break apart. Hoping that it was because they couldn't hear him, James yelled, "Do we need to bring some ice water in here and pour it on you guys!?" Remus' eyes opened and briskly pushed Sirius away.

"Enjoy?" Peter asked jokingly.

"Rawr." Sirius winked at the extremely good kisser. "For a guy, you kiss impeccably."

"Lara teach you that?" James inquired. "Or Brigitte or Zoe?"

"I'm not telling you." Remus shifted on the floor uncomfortably.

"IT WAS!" James declared.

"It WASN'T!" Remus countered and hit James on the back of the head knocking his glasses askew.

"Alrighty then, who was it?"

"Not telling."

"You HAVE to."

"I don't HAVE to do anything."

"But I'm your bestest friend..." James stuck out his lower lip and pouted.

"HEY!" Sirius threw his arm around Remus' neck and pulled the other boy to him, making Remus nuzzle his neck. "I'm his bestest friend. Ain't that right, Moony?"

"Ug," the brown haired boy pushed Sirius away from him playfully. He stuck out his tongue in mock disgust. "I dunno who's worse."

"James." Sirius said simply, at the same time James said, "Sirius."

Remus raised his eyebrows at the two who continue to debate who was 'worse.' He glanced at Peter who was hyperventilating from laughing so hard. Remus patted the blond on the back until his breathing became somewhat normal.

"I don't know what's so funny, Pete," Remus remarked, "How are they acting any different from any other day? You normally don't laugh /_that_/ hard."

"It's just—"Peter burst out giggling once more like a crazed teen girl.

"I've got the weirdest friends." Remus noted to himself as he looked from the giggling blond to the two midnight haired boys slapping each other with '_friendly_' smacks. The werewolf shook his head. "Veuillez économiser moi." _(Please save me.)_

James smacked Sirius across the cheek leaving a bright red handprint. Sirius, being a good friend, returned the favor.

"Obtenez-moi hors d'ici. Svp, je ferai n'importe quoi." _(Get me out of here. Please, I will do anything!)_

Sirius seemed to notice Peter's high-pitched giggles and gracefully smacked him upside the head. Peter instantly stopped laughing, his gray eyes widened and his jaw dropped. Sirius cackled evilly before James went over and shoved Sirius down to the ground.

"Là ils vont encore. Je ne peux pas croire qu'ils font ceci. Bons amis que je devine..." _(There they go again. I can not believe they are doing this. Good friends I guess...)_

The three boys wrestled around on the ground hitting, pulling hair, and kicking. Despite the somewhat brutal appearance they were all laughing and somehow having a good time. Remus found it quite amusing when James and Peter pinned Sirius to the ground and tortured him endlessly by tickling him in the spots that they've found most sensitive over the years of the 'Annual Gryffindor Wrestling Tournament.'

Remus retreated to the couch, knowing very well that if he remained on the floor he would be pulled into the scuffle.

"OW! That hurt you bastard!"

"Tough shit. You started it."

"Doesn't mean you have to pinch—OW! I'm not joking, quit that!"

"EEEEEEK!" Peter pulled away from the scrambling teens and took refuge on the couch next to Remus.

Sirius managed to get the upper hand and flipped James on his back and straddled his hips.

"Oh, Sirius! I never knew you cared so much!" James puckered his lips and threw his arms around the boy hovering above him.

"EWE! Never in a million years, Prongsie." Sirius hopped up to his feet and rubbed his cheek. "Hey Remus, is my cheek red?" He turned his head so the other teen could see his cheek.

Remus burst out laughing. He got up from the white couch and walked over to his lover. He lifted a hand to Sirius' cheek and placed it on top of the very noticeable handprint. "Hmm. Smaller than my hand. So, Peter must've been the one to hit you there."

Sirius growled in his throat and gave Peter a threatening glance. "You'll pay rat-boy. You'll pay."

"Hey, he hit you more than I did!" Peter said defensively, wagging a finger at James.

James grinned. "You know what? We all hit each other..." He put on a false thinking face. "But someone slipped our grasp...Hmm, wonder who?"

"Don't you dare even think about it!" Remus ran behind the couch.

"Oops, I already did..." James nodded at the other two. "Trap him."

"No!" Remus backed against the wall when the trio started to encircle him. "Sirius, if you hit me, you'll regret it." Sirius instantly stopped at his boyfriend's words.

"Okay then..." Sirius backed away and sat on the arm of a chair. "Get him Prongs, Wormtail."

"Sirius!" Remus exclaimed before two sets of hands seized him and pinned him against the wall. He gave the bespectacled boy the evilest glare, "James, don't start something you won't win."

"He he he." James raised his right hand.

"Potter, I swear that you'll regret it."

Either James didn't hear him or just didn't care. Carefully, James smacked the werewolf across the face—not hard enough to afflict pain but enough to send a sting.

"Baiseur! That's it! You're dead!" Remus pounced on James, knocking them both backward onto the floor. Remus succeeded in hitting the messy-haired boy several times as James flailed his arms mindlessly. "Give up yet?!"

James opened his eyes and nodded his head. "Yes! Quit the torture!"

"Alright." Remus sat back, took off James' glasses, and stood up. "Anyone else want to fight me?" Peter and Sirius shook their heads. "Good choice. And sorry Jim." He held out his hand and pulled James to his feet.

James blinked a few times and squinted at his surroundings. "Gimme my glasses!" Remus raised his arm and dangled the eyeglasses above the other's head. James reached blindly for them, but Remus quickly tossed them to Peter, who tossed them to Sirius.

"Goddamn. Could you please give them back!?" James walked forward but tripped over the end of the rug. He caught onto a door handle but it twisted and the door fell open and James sent onto his back.

"Oh shit." Remus jaw dropped when he looked into the room.

The other Marauders gazed into the room and their reactions were identical to Remus'.

There was Marc. Marc and...another man?

"Must run in the family." Sirius whispered into Remus ear. Remus responded by punching him hard—right where it counts. "Owieeeeee." Sirius fell to the ground.

Remus slammed the door shut. "That was...I never...Sheez. I never knew..."

"I don't think they noticed us." Peter commented still wide-eyed.

"God, I hope not." Remus took the eyeglasses from Sirius' grasp and handed them to their rightful owner. James took them and held them up.

"I saw enough without them." James put them back on. "If I had them on...aye..."

"You would've seen what we saw." Sirius added. They stood there for a moment before they heard movement inside the room.

"Hey!" Remus cried out. "How about we go upstairs?!"

"Good idea." The four teenagers ran as fast as they could up the stairs into Remus' room and locked the door.

Out of breath they all collapsed; Sirius and Peter on the floor while James and Remus fell onto the soft sheets of Remus' bed.

"I've never seen two guys kiss each other." James commented nonchalantly.

"James," Sirius sat up and looked at his best friend. "Not ten minutes before that, you dared Remus and I to kiss. And I do believe we both are purely male."

"No, I mean truly kiss each other. That was just a dare with no real emotion." James explained.

Sirius and Remus locked eyes both full of anxiety and fear. Carefully Sirius pursued the topic. "What did you think?"

James bolted upright and stared at Sirius, "What did I think?" Sirius nodded. "Ug, I dunno. It's not something I'd ever do."

"No duh."

"What are you asking me? 'Cause it's kinda hard to answer."

"Are you homophobic?" Sirius regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. What if James said 'yes'? But even if he said 'no' the look Remus was giving him was enough to kill.

James scrunched up his face in thought. Several minutes went by, Remus and Sirius exchanging worried looks, Peter looked identical to James and was obviously thinking hard, and James was going for the world record of the longest time without blinking.

"James," Sirius snapped James back into the real world. "It's not that difficult of a question. Just a yes or no."

"I don't know." James said. "I've never thought about it before. I always thought it was a little...I dunno...weird..."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Of course it's weird." Remus shot him the death look again. "It's weird because it's different. But different doesn't necessarily mean it's wrong. If two people love each other, how can that possibly be wrong? Who cares if it's male and female, female and female, or male and male? Maybe I'm speaking ahead of our times, because I know that in this era a lot of people are prejudice. Race, nationality, religion, wealth, sexuality. So many things separate people from other people. And maybe I'm one of the few who doesn't give a shit about any of that and only judge people the way they treat others."

Sirius looked at his friends surprised faces. Peter looked like he couldn't quite comprehend everything that was just said, James looked like he was smacked across the face, and Remus looked thunderstruck.

"That was amazing, Sirius." Remus smiled appreciatively at Sirius who blushed and turned away.

"I've never heard you say something that...well, serious." James remarked. "You normally don't come right out and say your true feelings. But when you do, your true to your words and usually end up shocking the whole room."

"When was the other time I have ever done that?" Sirius asked.

"When you told us about how much it hurt when your brother would ignore you and when your cousins would call you names." Peter said.

"Or the time you 'fessed up that your parents hit you." James added.

"Or a couple of days ago." Remus winked at Sirius who smiled.

James and Peter stared at them curiously. "What happened a couple of days ago?" Peter questioned.

Remus snapped his head towards the two unbeknownst boys. "Oh, you know...Christmas brings out the unexpected in people."

"Especially your freak of a sister." Sirius muttered under his breath. Remus caught the remark and said very sternly, "She's schizophrenic."

"FOR REAL?!" Sirius exclaimed.

Remus snorted. "No."

"Don't say stuff like that if it's not true." He shot Remus an irate scowl.

"I was just messing around..."

An awkward silence followed. The Marauders just laid in their places, staring up at the ceiling. Remus thought about why Sirius was so testy when he made a little joke and Sirius wondered what James' answer would be and if the answer would take or give to their friendship. James pondered the earlier question if he was a homophobe or not and Peter... he was wondering if it was time for dinner yet.

"I got it!" James exclaimed breaking everyone's train of thought.

"Got what?" Sirius asked, hoping it was an answer to his question.

"If I'm homophobic."

"Uh huh. So are you?"

"Well..."

"Well...??" Sirius pushed on. He noticed how tense Remus was and that he was no better. This answer could leave them saying goodbye to a good friend.

"I don't think I am."

"Oh thank god." Sirius whispered but James heard it.

"Why 'thank god.'" James asked. "You aren't—"

"Geez, Moony is it almost time to eat?" Sirius looked at the bedside clock and then looked at Peter. "He looks like he's about to keel over."

"Yeah, it should be time." Remus stared at the floor and waved his hand an indication for them to follow. Peter hopped up quickly and ran after the retreating back. Deciding that being alone with James after what was just said was not a good thing, Sirius sprinted down the hallway leaving the bespectacled boy alone on the bed.

"I just don't know about you sometimes, Sirius," James muttered under his breath. "You never keep secrets from me...but now I'm not so sure...And if my assumptions are correct...I don't know what I'll do..."


	21. December 31: Crying

December 31: Crying 

"How long until I get accepted into a university, huh? If I don't, Mother'll kill me..." Marc sighed. Everyone was gathered around the table listening to Marc's complaints. Remus' family on one end, and his friends on the other. Marc's 'friend', Chandler, also attended the dinner and seemed very keen in staring at Remus with a thoughtful expression.

Both Remus and Sirius noticed this disturbing stare. Remus tried his best to ignore it but was finding it difficult when a deep growl kept emitting from his right.

"Sirius quit acting like a dog." Remus murmured as quietly as possible.

"I am a dog." Sirius stuck out his tongue and started panting.

"Stop that. You're not a dog right now."

"Then why do I feel like I want to bite somebody. That somebody being that blue eyed beast that won't keep his bloody blue eyes off of you."

"A lot of people stare at me."

"They do!?" Sirius shouted. The entire table turned to him. Well, that was fine with Sirius since Chandler was now looking at him instead of Remus.

"Do you like to interrupt people?" Renee asked, malice lacing in her voice.

"Do you like to be a bitch or is just a personality defect?" Sirius murmured so no one could hear him but himself.

"Sorry, I didn't catch that."

"You didn't need to."

Renee looked at him skeptically. He ignored her and continued eating knowing quite well that everyone was still looking at him. Eventually everyone got bored of the black-haired guest and turned to their own conversations.

Remus looked at Sirius and shook his head in dismay. He gazed over at James briefly and when he did so Sirius grabbed his hand underneath the table and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"You look like your scared or something." Sirius murmured.

"Look in the mirror and see who's scared."

"Me? Scared? Never."

"James said he wasn't, so you shouldn't worry." Remus tightened his hold on Sirius' hand.

"Did you see his face when he was starting to ask me? I know he said he wasn't but I'm his best friend...and well I'm with his other best friend...and that'd be like doubly awkward." Sirius glanced at James from across the table who was thankfully paying no attention to them.

"But that's just it, Sirius. He's our best friend and he'd understand. I promise." But deep down Remus had his own insecurities about his friend's feelings.

"Your right. Your always right."

Remus smiled. "Not always...but most of the time."

* * *

"Can we please go?" Remus pleaded with his mother. It had been a whole 24 hours since the whole 'James is/isn't homophobic' deal. No one had brought it up since then and today was looking up to be a fine day...if Remus' mother would leave them alone that is.

"It's a holiday, Remy." She hugged her son close and very tightly.

"I know, Mother, but..."

"I know, I know. You want to be with your friends." The death grip wasn't loosening.

"Yeah, that. And you're going to suffocate me."

"OH! Pardon moi." She let him go and smoothed out his shirt the mother-way.

"Please spare me the humiliation." He glanced over his shoulder and saw his friends snickering.

"Ignore them." Desiree rubbed Remus' cheek childishly. "Oh my!"

"What now?" Remus rolled his eyes at his mother and wished she wouldn't treat him like a five-year-old...and in front of his friends too.

"Your rough."

"WHAT?!"

"Stubble. I think you should talk to your father about that." She kissed his cheek and walked swiftly out of the room.

"Awww. Ickle Remy has whiskers!" James laughed. "WOW! Fifteen and you're already sproutin' hairs!"

"Shut up."

"MY! You're growing into such a fine man!"

"Shut up."

"You'll soon be graduating, getting a job, marriage, kids! OH MY!"

"Shut the fuck up James!"

James chuckled. "Alright. But I'm sure that's what your mother is thinking."

"Heh. Maybe about the graduation part and possibly the job but marriage and kids? I highly doubt it."

"You don't think you'll get married someday?"

Remus gave a faint smile. "No James I don't think I will."

"Well I will."

"Yeah, to Lily." Sirius snorted.

James nodded his head, "That's right. To Lily."

"I dunno about that."

"Why not?"

"One: when you talk to each other it could start out nice but always ends up a catastrophe Two: if you go near her she walks away. Three: she doesn't like you and tells you that every time you ask her out." Sirius counted off the items on his fingers. "I hate to tell you this, but you don't have a chance in hell."

"You'll see. I can be quite irresistible. And I will win her over." James stood up straight and puffed out his chest like he was perfect prince charming.

"Sure. Whatever..."

"Well, what about you?"

Sirius stared at James for a moment before answering, "Do I look like someone who'd settle down and have kids?"

"Yes, in fact I can easily picture you with children."

Sirius burst into a fit of giggles. "You have got to be kidding me!"

"No..." James watched Sirius fall to the floor and roll around. He quickly changed his mind, "Actually, never have kids Padfoot. You _are_ a kid."

"Teehee," Sirius wiped the tears from his eyes and sat up. "I'll leave all the children to you Prongs. You and..." Snort. "...Lily."

"Yeah..." James seemed to fly away to a different planet just then. The other three knew the look of euphoria on his face and decided it was best to sneak away before James could start his 'someday soon...you'll see' speech.

The three friends strode down the long hallway all the way to the other end to a more elaborate door. Remus reached up to a dusty lamp on the wall and reached inside. He pulled out an old rusty key and stuck it in the keyhole on the door.

"What's in here?" Peter asked as he watched Remus fumble with the doorknob.

"Like a second living room." Remus answered trying to turn the rusted handle but finding it very difficult to do so..

"Obviously no one comes in here..."

"No, we do. The door is always stuck like this."

"Then why the key?" Sirius inquired.

"Uh, because there's old, expensive weapons in here."

"Weapons? OOOOoooo. Like what?" James' voice boomed from down the hall.

"Would you just wait and see?" Remus slammed into the door with his shoulder. The door squeaked and opened a couple of centimeters. "Would you help?" He motioned for Sirius to try and get it open. He pounded on it a few times and after awhile the door gave up with a squeak and revealed the ornate room with many sharp-pointed weapons lining on the walls..

"Wow." James appeared next to the dog animagus.

"Yeah, whatever." Remus flipped on the light to add to the sunset from the window. "Take a seat."

"I'm afraid to." Sirius commented after looking at the furniture. "It looks too...new."

"It's quite old, actually. Older than me."

"Then it's too white. Black doesn't go with white."

"That was dumb Sirius."

Sirius looked at the wall and shuddered. "Are you going to call me a coward?"

"What for?"

"For saying that those things on the wall look a wee bit creepy."

"Coward." Remus smiled and sat down on the white arm of the couch. "They aren't possessed and won't come flying off the wall to chop you in half."

"Oh that just makes me SO want to sit down."

"Sit down." Remus pointed to the cushions next to him. His friends eyed the walls warily before taking a seat. "Geez, I thought I was going to have to tie a rope around you and pull you in here."

"Well, the knives, swords, blades, scalpels, and all the other sharp objects are a little intimidating." James eyed the piercing edges gingerly.

"Of course they are. They did used to kill people." Remus mentioned not so nonchalantly.

"...Kill people?" Peter squeaked.

"Yeah." Remus pointed to a knife on the wall. "That one killed my great-great uncle."

"And you kept it?" James asked astonished.

"Why not?" He pointed to a long shining sword. "That one killed my great-great-great grandfather."

"That's creepy, Moony."

"And that one—"

"Don't want to hear it."

"Fine. I won't share my family history with you."

"I would like to know, however," Peter said, "why you really did keep such, uh, depressing items. Why would you keep something around that every time you looked at it, knew it killed one of your family members."

"You guys are so gullible you know that?" Remus laughed. "They have never killed anyone. No one in my family or outside it."

"You jerk! Making us believe you kept killers in your house!" James hit him on the back on the head.

"Only one."

"I'm not falling for it."

"It's a true story though."

"It's bull."

"No it's not!"

"I think it is!"

"James!"

"Remus!"

"James, Remus! Shut the hell up!" Sirius declared slapping both on the back of the head. "Anyways, I think Remus should tell us the story whether it's real or not. It'll help past the time until midnight."

"Fine. But I bet it's bull." James expressed, settling down more into the couch. "Tell away, Moony."

"See that one with the jewels in the hilt?" Remus pointed at a lone sword on the right wall. "My great great-great-great-great...uh...how many greats was that? Well there's supposed to be six greats and a grandfather. So figure that out."

"So your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather." Peter asked.

"No, I think that was seven. It's great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather."

"Woah! Too many greats!" James held his head in confusion. "Just continue with the story."

"Okay," Remus walked over to the sword in the story and picked it up off its holder. He pointed it at his schoolmates. "Well my six-great grandfather was a thief and murderer. Lothair Lupin II. He had this forged for him by some great swordsmith, Eno Eberly. Supposedly it was somehow forged in blood from his enemies. The red jewels represent power and strength and the blue jewels represent protection. So, naturally, with armor and weapon built into one it was kind of hard to catch him.

"He murdered around a hundred people and stole thousands in money. He met his match with some chick, actually. Lothair went into some house planning on getting everything and killing everyone in it. The only person there was a female, Marcella Astley. He fell in love with her the moment he saw her. The old cliché it is.

"He didn't kill her or steal anything. But he was a wanted man all across the country and she knew his face. So, while he was trying to tell her of his love she—"He raised the sword up and swung it at Sirius, stopping just before it collided with his neck. "—took his sword and beheaded him." He lowered the weapon and set it back on its rack.

"So I guess my family isn't the only one with a dark background." Sirius commented rubbing his neck where the blade just barely touched.

"Your family was always Black." James noted.

"Is that supposed to be funny?"

"Sorta."

"Well, it wasn't."

"Well, I don't care, I liked it! You're just—"

The door squeaked opened and in came everyone's favorite person.

"So this is where you've all been hiding."

"Ah, great. Renee's here." Remus whispered to no one in particular.

"I heard that you little brat." Renee stomped over to her brother and pinched his cheek.

"Better hearing than me...? Then she really is Sister Satan." He glanced to Sirius and grinned.

"Ah, so he told you what he called me then... He is more of a devil than me."

"And proud!" Sirius added.

"Humpf. You are always going to be arrogant."

"And egotistical." If she thought she was going to win this argument she was terribly wrong and Sirius was going to make sure of that.

"And a smartass."

"Imbecile."

"Asshole."

"Overconfident."

"Reckless."

"Hot-headed."

"Wild."

"Careless."

"Inattentive."

"Forgetful."

"Stupid."

"Okay, that's where I put my foot down. I am not stupid." Sirius crossed his arms and discreetly gave her the finger.

"You are something else. I swear—"

"What do you want Renee?" Remus questioned before another fight broke out.

"I was just wondering what you're going to do tonight. Are you two going to kiss at midnight?" Renee asked innocently waving a finger at him and Sirius. All four boys' mouths dropped.

"Pardon?" James gawked at Remus and Sirius suspiciously.

"Oh my..." Renee looked at James with false astonishment. "You mean you don't know?"

"Know what?" James tore his gaze from his friends to the sister.

"Sirius and Remus...?"

"Maintenez votre bouche fermée! Il ne sait pas!" Remus yelled. _(Keep your mouth shut! He doesn't know!) _

"Pourquoi est-ce que je devrais? Il devrait être dehors dans l'ouvert." _(Why should I? It should be out in the open.)_

"S'il vous plait, Renee, ne lui indiquent pas."(_Please, Renee, don't tell him.)_

"Fine. You can tell him about your lover boy." She turned on her heels and left.

"Dammit."

"Lover boy? What is she talking about?" James glared in Sirius' direction. Sirius quickly looked away and his eyes landed on Peter who looked exactly as confused as James. "If someone doesn't tell me now I'll...I'll...I don't know what I'll do but it'll be bad!"

"Look, James...Uh..." Sirius looked to Remus wishing he had the answer written on his forehead. "Me and uh...him...we uh....are...umm..."

"Spit it out already!"

"Meandremusaretogether."

"Eh? What did you just mumble?" James walked up to Sirius and stood dangerously close to him.

"Me and Remus...we...uh..."

"Fuck it," Remus blurted, "We're together. Like a couple. In love. All that shit and more. If you have a problem with it, leave."

James stared at Remus momentarily before stepping back. "You...no...you can't be...you're fucking with us...you have to be...Sirius?"

"Sorry, mate. But he's telling the truth." Sirius watched his feet grind into the carpet and didn't even risk looking up and revealing his reddening cheeks and teary eyes.

"You two are...eh, no." James continued backing away to the open door.

"Don't be an idiot, Prongs." Remus expressed his voice breaking.

"Me be an idiot? No...don't _you_ be an idiot. This is...wrong. It's not right."

"You just fucking said that you weren't homophobic!"

"That was before I found out my two best friends in the world were!" 

"What difference does that make? Are you trying to tell me if you didn't know us you wouldn't care if we were together?!"

"Something like that, yes."

"That's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard, Potter." One tear slid down from the hazel eyes.

"The stupidest fucking thing I ever heard is you two being, ug, a couple!" James yelled. He grabbed Peter's arm, stalked out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

"Damn him to hell." Sirius let the tears spill from his eyes.

"You were our fucking friend!" Remus screamed at the door.

"You promised..." He looked at Remus through his black fringe.

"He promised what?" Remus blinked the teardrops from his eyes and stared at the gray eyes hidden beneath midnight locks.

"You promised..."

"I promised?"

"Yes, you promised." Sirius fell to the floor and brought his legs to his chest.

"What did I promise?" Remus sat down next to him and hugged his lover close.

"You said that he wouldn't care. You said he'd accept it. You said he'd understand!" Sirius jerked away from the comforting arms and stood up.

"I...I thought he would..."

"Well he didn't!"

"So what do we do?!"

"I don't know!"

Remus looked up at Sirius with sad eyes. "Do you want to...just forget about it?"

"How can I forget about James?!" Sirius declared.

"Not him..." As smooth as he could, Remus said, "Forget about...this...us...I mean friends come before love, right? So, why shouldn't we just...break it off...We had a good few days...We could tell him that it really was a joke..."

Sirius turned away and clenched his fists tightly. He really wanted to grab one of the knives and drive it into something. He wished he could cut the clearly visible tension that hung in the air above his head that threatened to fall on top of him and completely smother him to death. The reality of the proposal never quite hit Sirius until he heard a door open and shut.

That simple sound of a door closing never had an impact before. But now it was like someone had closed the door on his heart. He was trapped— isolated. Alone.

He wasn't on good terms with his family. He wasn't with his friends. He wasn't with his lover.

And now, Sirius knew he had to lock that door otherwise someone could come in and hurt him once again.

* * *

"What are you doing James?"

"I don't know!"

"It looks like your trying to pull your hair out and at the same time poke your eyes out."

"Would you leave me alone!"

Peter stood up from his seat on the edge of the bed, his face burning with anger. "You're being so childish, you know that? Remus and Sirius are your best friends—mine too! And I don't get why you'd care so much! You told me once that it doesn't matter who you love as long as they love you back. Remember that?"

"Yes, but I meant—"

"For a man and woman." Peter finished for him. "Look at the past five years and tell me who's been on your side through thick and thin. They were there for you as you were for them. But now you're going to ditch them. Wand waving, quidditch skills, and intelligence will only get you so far. You can't live life without friends."

James stared at the blond boy in front of him with an unreadable expression. He opened his mouth to say something but Peter beat him to it. "I don't think you care about Remus and Sirius. You never have. You used them through the years to get what you wanted. Sirius for popularity and girls and Remus for helping you pass classes. Is this also what you wanted? For them to come up with a good reason for you to dispose of them without ever letting them know your true intentions?" He paused his speech when he saw tears spilling out from beneath the metal rim of glasses.

"That's...that's not true." James choked.

"It isn't? It isn't true that you're selfish and don't give a damn about anyone else?"

"NO!" James stood up and started pacing around his makeshift room. "You, Remus, and Sirius are all brothers to me! Ever since the day on the train we first met! I would never use you! Our friendship means everything to me!"

"If they're so damn important to you then why did you screw it up?"

"_I_ didn't do anything! It was them!"

Peter had had enough. James wouldn't break; maybe Peter was wrong when he thought that it was something totally different that was bothering his friend. And reverse psychology didn't work like he hoped it would. He couldn't take it anymore; Peter was going to have to make a choice, one that he wished he never had to.

"You lost _your_ everything, James. Remus, Sirius, and myself."

James stood stunned at the blurry retreating back of his former friend. He stood there, tears spilling from his eyes, and only distantly heard the first chime to midnight.

Sirius still remained in the blade room. The moonlight shone surprisingly brightly through the room and illuminated half of his face leaving the other half in shadows. But anyone would realize that the dark side would have mirrored the melancholy of the other half. When the clock chimed its fifth, a steady stream fell from darkening eyes without anyone to stop it.

Peter didn't even make it to his room when he started to weep. This was too much to comprehend and he didn't want to think that when they all returned to school, nothing would be the same. Six, seven, eight.

Remus had never felt guiltier, more remorseful than he felt now. He once swore to himself that no one or nothing could come between him and his friends. But something did and when he stuck to his vow he couldn't help but think that it was the worst thing he could have ever done. And now he found himself shedding more tears than he had for the past five years. Nine, ten, eleven.

All four boys sat alone, crying, as the last chime came and entered a new year.

* * *

A/N: Can you hang in there for one more chapter??


	22. January 1: Always and Forever

January 1: Always and Forever

* * *

Remus stood outside the blade room, fully aware that someone occupied it—sleeping on the couch restlessly. All he had to do was walk in, apologize, and everything would be okay. At least that's what his mind pictured. But he couldn't do it. So he stood there, on the other side, away from where he truly wanted to be. 

He could hear him inside, thrashing around uncomfortably. Remus put an ear to the door and listened to the slight snore coming from within. If Sirius was asleep what was stopping Remus to enter the room? Maybe it was his mind telling him it was three o'clock in the morning and risked waking him up. The angel on his shoulder said to leave him alone, if anything could be done it could be done in the morning. The devil on his other shoulder said to go in, throw him to the floor, and kiss him senseless until he forgave him.

So he was given two choices. Neither one he liked. Option one would be better for Sirius; option two would be good for Remus. Was there a happy medium somewhere?

Someone up there must really like Remus because his wish was granted. It was as plain as day that Sirius was having a bad dream; and from five years of experience Remus could tell it was his ordinary childhood nightmare. Sirius' nightmare gave Remus a good reason to be waltzing in there at three in the morning.

As quietly as possibly he turned the door handle and pushed the door open. He froze when it squeaked the rest of the way open. Sirius jerked a bit and fell to the floor with a thud. But another snore emitted from him indicated that he was still, indeed, asleep.

A smile creeped onto Remus' face. Typical Sirius, nothing comes between him and his sleep, even if it does mean falling on the cold floor.

Remus closed the door behind him without a single sound. He walked over to Sirius who was sprawled out on the carpet and mumbling something incoherent. He sat down next to the sleeping teen and watched as Sirius' face contorted as he battled his inner demons. Remus quickly tore off his Christmas present and wrapped it around Sirius' wrist. The sphere glowed a soft cerulean for a mere second and then turned back to normal. Remus looked back at Sirius' face and saw that he now had a goofy smile pasted on his face.

"Amazing." Remus whispered. He didn't think it'd work that fast or that well.

"You're amazing."

Remus stilled, not moving not breathing. The hand he wrapped the dream catcher around found his own and held it firmly. Sirius' eyes weren't open and he was still breathing deep, telling Remus that he was still asleep. He let out a sigh of relief and desperation. Half of him wished that Sirius really was awake and was fully aware of his presence. The other half hoped he was still asleep because of the inevitable confrontation. Once again, Remus found himself split into two. But this time he didn't have a choice, what would come would come.

"You're so cold." Sirius muttered.

"My touch or my heart?" Remus whispered, praying that he wouldn't answer.

"Both." Remus' heart clenched in sadness. He really didn't want to hear that.

"I'm sorry," he cried.

"You can't take it back. You hurt me."

"You can't forgive me?" Tears stung in his hazel eyes. That seemed to be happening a lot lately.

"That was a sharp blow to the head."

"...What?" He looked at Sirius confused.

"When you hit me."

"I never hit you..."

"Yes you did."

Remus had never been more confused. What in the world is Sirius talking about? He never hit him last night. Unless, he did and then someone performed a memory charm, which was very unlikely.

"What are you talking about Sirius?"

"Last night."

"I never hit you last night!" Remus barked. Sirius opened his eyes and sat upright. He sat wide-eyed staring at Remus.

"What are you doing here?" Sirius asked, knotting his eyebrows together in puzzlement.

"Huh?" Remus looked down at their clasped hands and blushed when he realized... "You were asleep..."

"Uh...yeah..." Sirius followed the hazel eyes and stared at their hands as well.

Remus chuckled, "You kinda scared me there for a moment. I thought I was losing my mind."

"Did I say something?"

"You told me I hit you."

"I did?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

Remus locked eyes with Sirius' and smiled, and then Sirius smiled. In that instant he knew—they both knew—everything was going to be okay.

"I'm sorry for—"

"No," Sirius put a finger up to Remus' lips. "I understand, and I forgive you. We were both mixed up with everything."

"But—"

"I said hush." Sirius removed his finger and replaced it with his lips. The kiss was tender, sweet, and said everything not spoken.

* * *

James awoke in a chair early that morning. He couldn't quite figure out why he was in that chair, but he chose poorly last night and his neck is paying dearly for it. He rubbed his neck and yawned; that's when the previous night came flooding into his mind. 

_This is...wrong. It's not right._

_The stupidest fucking thing I ever heard is you two being, ug, a couple!_

_I don't think you care about Remus and Sirius. You never have. _

_It isn't true that you're selfish and don't give a damn about anyone else?_

_You can't live life without friends._

_You lost your everything, James. Remus, Sirius, and myself._

It hadn't quite hit James until that moment; he really did lose them. But he knew he had to tell them the truth of why he acted so cruelly last night. And maybe the truth could mend the torn between them.

After James got dressed he headed downstairs. He figured that they would be eating, and if not now they would later. He sauntered into the dining area but only found Remus' mother and father.

"You're up early." Desiree greeted with a cheerful smile way to cheerful for six o'clock in the morning. "Take a seat, dear. No sense in waiting for the others."

"Do you know where they are?" James asked while taking a seat across from the two adults. The instant he did a maid appeared and sat a plate full of food in front of him. He mentally wished that he had a maid, then he would never have to get up and his mother certainly wouldn't ever bicker about how she does everything for him.

"No, don't you?"

"I lost them around eleven." The true meaning between those words clenched his heart.

"Oh no. You didn't spend the turn of the year with them?" She looked at him sadly.

"Nah, we didn't." He picked up his fork and moved some of the food around.

"What happened?"

"We got in an argument." He wanted to say more, but figured that she would be more on Remus' side than on his.

"About what?" She looked at him anxiously, her brown eyes large.

"Uh..." James had no idea if they knew or not. He assumed they did since Renee knew, but he didn't want to risk it and come right out and say it. "Well, um...Remus and Sirius said that they...uh...changed..." Joseph looked up from his food for the first time, his expression unreadable.

"So they told you?" Desiree asked.

"You know then?"

"Yes. We know." Joseph answered. His voice was bitter and cold and James immediately knew that he wasn't too happy about it.

"What did you say to them, James?" Desiree questioned.

"I kinda got a little...upset."

"Well, someone else that acted like a normal human being." Joseph noted not looking at either of them.

"A normal human being doesn't care for his own son?" Joseph shot his head up and stared at his wife.

"I care for him!"

"Oh sure. That's why you never talk to him, see him after his bad nights, or do anything with him!"

"He doesn't want me to. He told me that years ago."

"He told you that when you said, and I quote, 'he's a hard child to deal with. No parent should have to go through this.'"

"I never said that!"

"Yes you did."

James realized that he was in the middle of skirmish with no way out. This was not turning out to be a good day...Not that it was to begin with anyway...

"And," Desiree continued, "you even turned his own sister against him."

"I did not!"

"Yes you did. Don't deny it. It's why she always acts so cruel to him. It hurts as a mother to see my own daughter picking fun at her younger brother."

"I would never—"

"And now," Desiree barreled through her tirade, "since he's, god forbid, found some happiness, you're trying to take it away! You can't stand it."

"I can't stand that his 'happiness' is with another male!"

"Why do you care about that?!" James yelled at the older man. "I don't care! If it makes them happy, leave them alone and let them be happy!"

"Then why'd you make such a big deal out of it, James?"

James spun around and saw Sirius leaning in the doorway, Remus right by his side. Remus said something in French; his parents replied and left the room still arguing.

"Because...because...I was afraid..." James answered carefully.

"Of what?"

"That it would..." James now realized that his real reason seemed foolish, dumb, and childish. But he couldn't come up with anything different and there was nothing to lose, our friendship."

Sirius turned to face Remus and then quickly turned back to James. "Don't you remember back in first year we all made a pack that nothing would come between us? This is one of those things. I'm not saying things won't be a little different...but we'll always be friends, we will still do things together. Do you understand?"

"Yes," James smiled a little. "And I knew that all along. And it doesn't surprise me either now that I think about it."

"What doesn't surprise you?"

"It makes sense. You two together."

Sirius crinkled his eyebrows. "It does?"

James laughed. "Yeah, don't you see it? It was like fate meant to put you two together all along, despite the gender being the same."

"Uh huh..." Sirius turned toward Remus and whispered, "Did you notice this at all?" The other boy shook his head. Sirius shrugged his shoulders and asked James, "Why do you say that it was fate?"

"What's your animagus form?"

"A dog."

"Quite a coincidence don't you think? You get an animal completely capable of a wolf."

"I thought he was chosen for it because he was clumsy and acted on impulse." Remus remarked with a chuckle. His lover glared at him.

"I did too." James just smiled when Sirius threw the evil look his way. He continued, "This may be stretching it a bit...but Sirius is a star and Remus has to do with the moon. Moon and stars have always been related to each other."

"I think he's digging a bit too deep, myself." Sirius murmured to the werewolf making him smile.

James walked over to the other two and threw his arms around both of them. "I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I've got the horrible habit of acting too soon before thinking it through. You guys just shocked me...and...I dunno...I thought everything would change."

Sirius ruffled James' already messy hair. "I think we can forgive you...if..."

James looked at Sirius with uncertainty. "If what?"

Sirius grinned widely and looked at Remus. "What?" Remus asked, frightened of the answer.

"I'll need your...um, expertise on this." Sirius answered. Remus raised a brown eyebrow. Sirius took him by the arm and walked him out of earshot of James. He leaned his head down and whispered something into the werewolf's ear. Remus eyes went wide, he smiled, and then he burst out laughing. Remus said something and Sirius nodded his head vigorously to show approval of the plan. They walked back over to James with big smiles.

"Alright," Sirius gripped James' shoulder in a friendly way. "Will you do anything?"

"Uh, that depends." James replied eyeing his two friends warily.

"Anything...Marauderish?"

"Oh...something prankish...I suppose."

"Good...very good." Sirius cackled evilly and wrung his hands like a lunatic. "Do you agree to it?" He said in a low mischievous voice.

"What is it first?"

"Tsk tsk. You must agree to it first. Then we shall tell you."

James looked at Remus for some help. But he probably shouldn't have because he had a more mischievous smile on his face than Sirius did with his whole demoniac act. "Is it the only way you'll forgive me?"

"Yes sir. Only way."

"Fine. I'll do it."

"Hehehehehe. This is what you have to do..."

* * *

"If she kills me I will come back to haunt them." James muttered under his breath. After they explained what he had to do, he immediately regretted agreeing to it. He should've known better when Remus' face had the look of pure evil on it that it was not a good idea. And now, when he knew the plan, he still didn't get half of it. Remus was asking him to find something and get it for him without being seen. Sirius' part of the bargain would be more embarrassing than walking through the great hall naked. 

James came to the door Remus told him about. _"First door on the right, it has a silver handle...mainly to keep me out, but it's the only silver one in the house so it should be easy to find."_

James tried making himself halfway presentable by smoothing out his clothes and hair. When he figured it was hopeless he took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

_"When she sees you she'll bark at you. Isaac and her son aren't here, there at their house, where she should be, but for some odd, unknown reason she stayed the night. But just tell her you have to ask her something about my brother and what happened to him or my past. She'll tell you anything that would bash me. By the way, what she tells you will be a complete lie and I'll tell you the truth when you're done."_

That bit of information confused James to no end. Mainly it had to do with the fact that Remus said he had a brother, whom he's never mentioned.

After a couple agonizing minutes Renee opened her door and looked completely miffed. "What do you want?" She asked glaring at James.

_"You have to act smooth, suave, and flirtatious."_

_-Laughter-_

_"Just pretend she's Lily. That way we'll know if you did it or not because she'd come downstairs all pissy and flustered just like Lily always does when you try something!"_

Damn Sirius to hell.

"I just wanted to," James leaned in the doorframe and crossed his arms trying to look appealing, "ask you something."

"About what?" She was still frowning and her eyes were trying to burn a hole in James' forehead.

"Remus' past." James was surprised when Renee's frown turned upside down and she started grinning like mad.

"Oh really?"

"Yes, really."

"Well, come on in." She pushed him in all too eagerly. James, still trying to keep his cool and Sirius' end of the bargain, tried walking seductively into the room. It failed of course.

She pointed to the bed and told him to sit down. Gracefully, he sat down and crossed his legs. Finding it uncomfortable he switched legs, and then again and again. He gave that up and sat like he normally does: legs straight in front of him and hands balancing behind him.

He looked around the room looking for that specific item Remus wanted.

_"It's a light blue box. It sits on her dresser right by her bed."_

He repeated Remus' words in his head until he saw it sitting right where he said it was. It was about the size of medium sized novel. Small enough to be carried, but still big enough that it couldn't be hidden easily under his clothes. And how exactly was he supposed to get it without Renee seeing him? Sirius didn't offer much advice on that subject.

"_You have to kiss her."_

"_Ewe Sirius. I wouldn't wish that on a frog."_

"_Fine you don't have to kiss her. You'll have to come up with something on your own."_

At least Remus saved him from that. He was hoping that maybe she'd go to the loo sometime during the time he was there then he would have enough time to snag that one thing...but...

"_You should steal something of hers. A piece of clothing or something."_

"_Why should I?"_

"_For the fun of it."_

"_He should steal a piece of her underwear."_

That's when Peter decided to show up. And he just _had_ to offer more ideas to Sirius, didn't he?

"_I don't want to see that! She's my sister!"_

"_Then you don't have to look. That was a good idea, Pete. You have to steal her underwear...the most racy pair!"_

"_EWE!"_

No way was that going to happen. It wasn't looking good enough to nab the blue box let alone rummaging around in drawers in search for sexy underwear.

"So what did you want to ask me?" Renee asked sitting on the edge of the bed and gazed at the black-haired teen.

"Oh, well," James nonchalantly moved closer to her...she didn't notice. "It was mentioned somewhere that Remus had a brother and—"

"Oh I see. You want to know where he's at?"

"Uh, yeah."

"It's such a sad and dismal story," Her face was sorrowful, but James could tell it was fake. But he had to pretend to be 'smooth and suave' so he put a hand on her shoulder. It bewildered him when she didn't flinch or move it. "He died years ago."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"The sad part of it...it was someone's fault and that someone was very close to him."

"Oh?" James knew where she was going with this. Pinning it on Remus for his death because he was a werewolf. What a shame of a sister she was.

"I shouldn't say that. It wasn't anyone's fault." Her face fell, and James knew that it was a true mournful expression. "But I can't help but think that if it wasn't for someone he would still be alive."

James was dumbfounded. "Everyone...makes mistakes. Some just turn out worse than others. And it could've been several things that made the incident happen, anyway."

"It was a mistake. I wish I could turn back time and bring him back." She had tears in her eyes.

"How old was he?"

"Fourteen."

"And who...do you...blame?" James watched the tears flow from her brown eyes. In the back of his mind Sirius was yelling at him for not adhering to the deal but James didn't think that a stupid prank should be played at a time like this.

She didn't answer. "I'm sorry." She wiped her eyes with the back of her sleeve. "I'll be right back. I'll answer your questions later." She walked out the room slowly leaving James mystified.

A whole minute had passed when his mind started catching up to him. He was there for a reason. He turned around and crawled over the bed and sat on the other side facing the blue wooden box. He vaguely wondered why Remus would want something like this but figured he'd tell him later.

He reached out and paused when he remembered his friend's words. _"She put up wards that burn my hands so I won't go near it, but you'll be fine...I think..." _His words weren't that comforting. If James got burned, he would hit Remus hard. Being brave and daring, he touched the top of the cover. Nothing happened. He picked it up and held it in his hands looking around. "Great. Now what?"

He heard footsteps nearing. He climbed back over the bed and sat in his spot. He shoved the box underneath the bed right when Renee walked back in.

"Didn't keep you waiting too long did I?"

"NO!" James said too hurriedly. "Of course not."

"Okay. So what other questions do you want to ask me?" She asked after she sat in her previous spot.

"Well, um...How did he... you know..."

"How did he die?"

"Uh, yeah." Smoothly, he pushed the box back further with his foot.

"He was killed by...a werewolf."

"What?!" James blurted. He didn't expect that.

"Yes, eight years ago..."

"Eight? Wait a minute." James did mental math in his head. Remus was fifteen minus eight is seven. That was how old he was when... "What happened to Remus that year?"

"By that statement I'm just assuming you know he secret then."

"I've known for a couple of years. Was the time he was bitten the same time your brother died?" It was all starting to come together.

"Exact same night."

"So...how did they both get hurt? Were they playing outside late at night or something?"

"Not exactly."

"Then what?"

She sighed heavily. "Remus was locked outside. And he went looking for him."

"How did he get outside?" Renee looked at him angrily. Apparently he said something wrong.

"I think you should go now." She said standing up and heading to the door.

"Oh, okay." James stood up and took a step forward but remembered he was forgetting something. He 'slipped' _somehow _on the carpet and fell to the floor. He slid backwards and reached under the bed and found the box. Renee was glaring at him and evidently wasn't going to assist in helping him up.

James shoved the box underneath his shirt, even though it would be visible since people usually don't have square protrusions coming out of their backs. He stood up carefully, one hand on his back holding the box up. "Ug, back hurts." He mumbled when he started walking towards Renee. She rolled her eyes at him.

He discreetly turned so she wouldn't see him hiding something. He faced her and walked out the door backwards. He opened his mouth to say something but she slammed the door in his face. "Nice lady." James took the box out from under his shirt and ran down the hallway and into Remus' room, where they were all supposed to meet.

When he burst into the room the other three boys jumped in fright. "You could come in a little more politely you know." Sirius informed.

"That's great." James walked over to Remus and handed him the blue box. Remus took it gingerly and realized that it wasn't going to burn him. He smiled at James. Before he knew it, James found himself in a bone-crushing hug.

"Thank you thank you thank you thank you!" Remus shouted. "I could kiss you!"

"HEY!" Sirius bellowed while tearing Remus off of James. "That's for me only. He's got Evans."

"I said I could, doesn't mean I would." Remus smiled impishly and gave Sirius a quick peck on the lips. Sirius bit his lip and gazed longingly into his favorite pair of amber eyes. James and Peter on looked the scene taking place in front of them and noticed the evident rapture being created. Peter grinned at the two and James soon found himself doing the same.

"So," Sirius whispered taking the box from Remus' hands, "Why is this so special?" He toyed with lid and opened it. "There's nothing in it." He pointed out rather disappointed.

Remus ran his hands over every inch of the box. "There's not supposed to be."

"Darn. I thought it was her diary or something."

"Nope."

"Then why did I have to go get it?!" James asked. He didn't think that it was made very well, and it had no real artistic value to it. And now he found out that nothing was in it? That was a tad bit disappointing.

"It means a lot to me, Prongs." Remus replied as he sat the box down on his bedside table.

"But why?" Peter piped up after a long silence.

Remus' eyes misted over. "Because my brother made it for me the Christmas before he died."

His three friends all looked at him sympathetically. James and Peter kept their questions to themselves. But Sirius didn't. "Why did Renee have it then?"

"I dunno." Remus sat down on his bed and backed up and leaned to the headboard. "I came home from the hospital and it was gone."

"That's sad." Peter uttered. James smacked him in the arm and gave him the that-was-a-dumb-thing-to-say look.

It was quiet for several minutes until Remus said, "Happy late New Years."

James chuckled. "I forgot about that."

"Me too." Peter and Sirius said in unison and then laughed at each other.

"Too much was going on and jumbling up my head." James explained.

"But everything's okay now." Sirius stated as a fact not a question.

"So, you've forgiven me?" James looked at Remus and Sirius waiting for an answer.

"Did you flirt with her?" Sirius asked.

"I tried at first, but it didn't really take."

"Ah, well..." Sirius leaned over and murmured something quietly into Remus' ear. The werewolf smiled and nodded his head.

"Yes. You're forgiven." Sirius answered with a smile. He hugged James briefly and held out his hand palm down. "Marauders forever." James placed his hand on top of Sirius', Remus' hand on James', and Peter's on Remus'.

"Padfoot, Prongs, Moony, Wormtail. Always and forever."

_-Fin-_

* * *

A/N: I never dreamed of writing a 22-chapter story and it was only intended to be ten. I know that the French is probably a bit off, but don't blame me, blame the translation site! I want to thank everyone who reviewed (it motivated me more to finish the story) and who actually made it through the entire story. 


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